Computer, start recording. A northern English accent cuts the silence followed by a beep of the computer, responding to Sam's voice. My transfer to Deep Space 13 is complete. I am now a member of Task Force Argo, 2nd Squadron. The tailor has finally managed to requisition all of my uniform, including my dress uniform... The voice tails off
When I first joined Starfleet, I would never have thought that my path would lead me to this...a respected veteran of two wars and a Starfleet Captain. I only joined Starfleet because my brother did and to be honest, I was ready to drop out and live my life in the mansion all day. But now that I am here...it's given me a new sense of purpose, to be here amongst the stars...the final frontier...
In that time, from a young Ensign full of wonder to an old Captain, still full of wonder, I have seen things that have changed the way I view the universe. I have seen death and I have seen life. I have had hope, I have felt despair and anguish. But I have learnt. And one could say, I have adapted.
My life in Argo is a new chapter, a new sense of duty. I will endeavour to do my work diligently and uphold the proud tradition of the 38thFleet. My crew and my ship are ready for whatever may come our way.
Bishop Out The computer responds with a beep before uploading the file onto the database.
Getting to grips with fleet life has been fairly simple though, perhaps, circumstances haven't what with the Terix blockade and the trial and the capture of the spy...it's all be quite hectic. But, we are used to it now. I've been in command of the Endeavour for about 7 months now, and the crew have all adjusted to life under my command. There were some grumbles of "nepotism" when I promoted Henry to Lieutenant and made him a bridge officer but he has performed remarkably and is deserving of that position.
I requested the transferral of Dr Jaidan Reeder and Alfred Voxazil on board my ship after the retirement of our old Chief Medical Officer and my promotion. Jaidan has settled in well, his humour being a nice change after the coldness of our previous CMO. Alfred settled in well into his position of First Officer and I have found his dry wit to be a welcome addition to the bridge crew, especially since Captain Cartwright's death is still on all our minds.
In engineering, Hamish Redmond is still my Chief Engineer, having had the most experience out of all of us. Though I am senior to him in rank, his experience seems to sway me in allowing him to have as free of a reign in engineering as Captain Cartwright allowed, though I have ordered him to "tone it down a little and follow regulations," as well as submitting detailed reports. I must admit that I was surprised at his willingness to do so and I am impressed at the amount of care and detail he puts into his reports. Jenny's trust in him was not baseless.
My Chief Science Officer remains the same; Lucy Sola is a commendable science officer and though the Endeavour has been serving as a military ship, Lucy has done some excellent research onboard, her scientific upgrades assisted the ship in many a combat situations. I do hope for the Endeavour to resume duties as an explorer vessel and if that time arises, I am confident that Lucy will once again excel in her duties.
Alongside Jaidan in sickbay is another doctor, a Tellarite by the name of Paztor. Initially assigned to the crew as additional medical staff during the war, the doctor has decided to stay on board and has rejected several offers to be reassigned as Chief Medical Officer on board other ships. I, personally, have no qualms about this, he is a fine doctor and his career progression choices are ones that he alone can decide. As long as he feels comfortable working on board the Endeavour, I will gladly have him.
Our Tactical officer is Sejanus Zan, and I must admit, he is an unnerving character. He speaks little, reacts even less and his pure black eyes give the impression that he is a living corpse. Whilst that is true, it is wrong to pass judgement on his appearance; he has had the utmost respect for me since I've been on this vessel, and I have worked with him on several occasions - he misses nothing, fears nothing and above all, never misses. If anything, I am glad I work alongside him than against him.
The only bridge officer who hasn't served in the war, or on a starship even, is our pilot, Kaci Stephans. A recent graduate from the Academy, she flies well. Given time, she could be a fine pilot. She is currently under tutelage of Henry, a pilot himself, and though some may say that Henry is too young to be training someone else, I believe that the experience is benefiting both of them and in extension, me and the ship.
As I mentioned before, the crew are still trying to come to grips with the death of Captain Jenny Cartwright. Grief after someone's death is to be expected but when that death is from a Captain, one who had the aura of invincibility around her, and one like Jenny, who was a genuine friend of most people on board, it is harder to come to terms with it. The anniversary of her death, and my promotion, is on the 18th July, and although many crew members have come up to me to ask whether we will be holding a service, I am unsure of whether or not to allow such a gathering...to do so would in a way undermine my command authority but to not allow it would seem cold and heartless. I must give it some more thought.
On a personal anniversary note, it was indeed my birthday on the 14th. Although I tried to keep it quiet, the crew threw me a very delightful party in the holodeck and I was pleasantly surprised. My brother sent his regards and a very nice birthday cake, baked by his wife which was decadent. 36 years old now. I don't think I look a day over 30!
To: Captain Samuel Alexander Bishop From: Dr Kala Anjar Subject: New planet discovery.
Dear Sam,
I hear now that you are a Captain - I offer my congratulations; it has been a long time since we first met when you were young and full of youth!
I am writing to you now to inform you of a new Class M planet found in the Alpha Quadrant. This is a great occasion and I have been instructed with leading a survey team to start charting it and its potential use to the Bajorans and, in extension, the United Federation of Planets. Since we have worked together excellently in the past, I wanted to come to you first to ask if you would like to be part of my team. Obviously, now that you are a Captain, you perhaps might be assigned elsewhere but I would be honoured to have you as part of my team, if only for a couple of days every now and again.
To: Dr Kala Anjar From: Capt. Samuel Alexander Bishop Subject: RE. New planet discovery
Dr Kala,
It is indeed great hearing from you again. This discovery seems fascinating and is a great asset to Bajor. Your proposal seems interesting and I am very much intrigued. However, my duties as Captain must take priority. There is a chance that I may be reassigned to give me more freedom to drop by every so often but this is a matter I must discuss with my superiors. I am sorry I cannot give a more concrete and positive reply but I will inform you of any development.
To: Dr Kala Anjar From: Samuel Bishop Subject: Discovery in Sector 28.53
Attachments: Preliminary report on body found in sector 28.53 - Jaidan Reeder, CMO, USS Endeavour
Doctor,
Please find attached Jaidan's written report on the discovery above.
The findings are troubling as you shall see when I elaborate later. Before I come onto that, I must request that the body be taken back to DS13 for further analysis under better scientific equipment. The body will then be transported back to Bajor for your own investigations.
Now, as for the report itself. You and I both know that this planet has not shown any signs of humanoid life at all from the moment of its discovery. Our survey teams have found micro-organisms and bacteria - single celled organisms - all over the world and archaeological data shows that there have been some form of more intelligent life such as mammoth-like creatures. These life forms were cut short before they could evolve further when Pico 285 changed from a Class B star to a Class A star, effectively changing the bio-diversity of the planet which had to now cope with a cooler temperature. This was over a millennia ago and so, with the exception of plants and single celled organisms, there has been no life on the planet, at least, that our extensive scans of the planet could locate. So the question of where this corpse has come from is intriguing.
The corpse itself seems to be around 5'10'' although the sand drying the skin has probably shrunken the body somewhat. It seems to have a human like structure, with internal organs having the same size and ratio as humans and being in the same places. Facial features seem consistent with human males although significant reconstruction would be required to fully determine this. Carbon dating seems to suggest that this corpse is centuries old though it has been well preserved due to the fact the coffin was broken and buried under the sand, drying out the body and slowing down bacteria that would have otherwise decomposed the body long ago.
There have no doubt been various suggestions as to how the body got to where it was. Perhaps the two that are most believable are either the coffin was placed there by someone off world, or that it perhaps crashed on the planet or alternatively, there was some sort of civilisation on this planet that we have missed. Both theories have huge flaws but in the words of the great Earth detective Sherlock Holmes, "once you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth," and this certainly might be the case here. We are not prepared to discount anything yet.
I don't have to tell you how great of a discovery this is and I urge you to at least consider granting me the body to run proper tests. For an old friend?
Warmest (or would Coolest be better considering the heat of that desert?) Regards,
Personal Log The voice is instantly recognisable as Sam's but is is croaky and weak. It's been a while. I can't imagine all the paper work that's on my desk.
I don't recognise this place but I think it is a medical room. Yes, after all, that would make sense. I was told I was put in a coma. I don't remember much. I remember being on board the Endeavour, and getting boarded and...an explosion the voice starts speeding up and the beeping of a machine starts to speed up too and the artefact and...There is a deep breath and silence. The beeping starts slowing down. A chuckle. Perhaps I should wait until I'm out of here before I worry about that.
What else to I remember? Nothing much, just...some weird dreams. I was told Kaci was by my side the entire time I was asleep, trying to get me to wake up.
Ah yes, Jaidan told me the medical stuff behind it all.
Apparently a console exploded behind me. A shard of whateverthehellitwas flew into the back of my head, just above the spinal cord and below the brain. Extracting it was difficult without doing any permanent damage. Recovery should be speedy, a few weeks, and then I can start getting back into light duty work. I will have trouble walking for a while, will need to have a walking stick, but fortunately I will regain full use of my legs.
The Endeavour was badly beaten up but I'm told Alfred has overseen repairs and the ship should be ready for action in a week or two.
Then I can get back into the fray. Oh. Someone's coming. I was told I shouldn't have one of these PADDs here...under the pillow! There is a bit of shuffling and a muffled conversation before some more shuffling. Another voice is heard clearly.
Six months. Has it really been six months? Computer, calculate time since last log. Please specify log Personal log Time since last log: 19,778,028 seconds Computer, how am I meant to know what that means in real life? Unrecognised command *sighs* Computer, convert seconds into days. 19,772,019 seconds is 228 days, 21 hours, 53 minutes and 39 seconds. There you go; 228 days. That's around 7 months am I right? Yes. Anyway.
Seven months we have been on and off patrols around the Alpha and Beta Quadrants. We have run into a number of pirate and raiding ships in that time, more than I care to remember. But none of them matched the ships that attacked us seven months ago and stole the coffin. And even stranger is that nobody knows of its whereabouts. I have pulled in a few favours of some acquaintances who are better versed in dealing with information but even they have come up with nothing apart from whispers of a name "The Sacred Band". There seem to be no records of this group in the UFP database. This group, if it even exists, might be the ones behind the attack but with no evidence of their existence means that the coffin is perhaps lost forever. And yet, I am convinced that this was not a simple attack on a powerful Federation vessel. Someone, or something, wanted that coffin for a reason. They knew that the Endeavour was carrying it even though all messages or reports even slightly connected to the artefact were highly classified and deeply encrypted.
Dr Kala sends his regards, saying that other discoveries on the planet have been highly exciting and hopes that I may drop by at some point for him to show me his discoveries.
For now, I will have to close this matter. I am back at DS13 and further discoveries await. It is all hands on deck now and I'm certain I won't have much time to dwell on this failure.
I was at the bar drinking tropical juice as always, after a long day of examining records from our seven-month patrol, when the station went to yellow alert. It seemed like a large fleet of Klingons had decided to stroll onto our side of the border. All available ships were scrambled to intercept on the Donatu border, near the Cernan System, under the command of Captain Konieczko in the USS Vanguard. It seemed like there was a rogue house in the Klingon Empire, this house of Telok, and they wanted to conquer. The Vanguard engaged the forces along with the Scharnhorst, the Rebellion and the Shadowfax. Other ships joined in the fight whilst I decided to hold back in reserve. It seemed like the engagement that was happening was just the start; the larger ships were in the invasion force headed for Kassae System. The Endeavour, along with the Hellas and the Hellios moved to intercept these forces, joining the Myanmar and the RRW D'Ishae.
The Endeavour Crew performed commendably during the fight and the subsequent boarding attempt on the USS Vanguard. An explosion in the Vangaurd engineering room led to many casulties and medical staff from the Endeavour got to work treating the wounded on the Vanguard, with the seriously wounded being beamed across to the Endeavour where medical teams from other starships were waiting.
Whilst we dealt with this expertly and efficiently I don't think I need to remind myself of the magnitude of this situation and the outcome had we have not succeeded. DS13 has an exemplary compliment of Commanding Officers and it is an honour to serve amongst some of Starfleet's finest.
The Vanguard is currently heavily damaged and Captain Konieczko looked a little worse for wear. We will have to see what happens next.
Now it's time to write the AAR Report - something I'm guessing Captain Skye is loathing very much!
Timo's visit yesterday was such a pleasant surprise, for both parties. I have a feeling he enjoys the prototypical - is that even a word? - nature of the Endeavour. He was bounding around the warp core like an excitable puppy! We talked at great length about the Endeavour's systems but after he left, I couldn't help but wonder if I am utilising her to her maximum potential - I mean, she was designed to explore the Delta Quadrant and re-developed for the Iconian war! Obviously, her systems are designed to do much more than what she does already. Before I was made Captain, the Endeavour was downgraded, her experimental weapons taken offline to undergo further development. Her other systems were not.
Despite being deployed for two years, most other Concorde class ships are still in development. This means there are no detailed specifications and reports of this class.
With this in mind, I think it is time we compiled some specifications of the ship to be made available to DS 13 in the first instance and then distributed to Starfleet. At least then, perhaps more of these ships can be rolled out or modified to suit the needs and aims of the Federation.
I have often wondered of my posting and promotion on this ship was deliberate in order to get a "Bishop" in command of another ship named Endeavour. It sometimes feels this way given my lack of command experience on such an advanced ship. But then again, nobody could have foreseen Jenny's death...
Well, it seems to be that time of the year again. Risa.
As always, I may drop in from time to time but I am not spending two weeks on that over commercialised planet. It's a shame, the planet is so wonderfully relaxing but with so many people doing the same, it just isn't for me.
The same cannot be said for the crew.
I have just left DS13 with a skeleton crew, consisting of researchers and cadets, eager to try and prove themselves on a large vessel. We will carry on standard patrols after we stop off at Risa to drop off the original crew. I think Alfred is the only member of the Bridge crew who loathes Risa as much as I do so it'll be just me and him on board for the next few weeks.
I think this is the best time to test out some of the new configurations on board the Endeavour. I looked into the records Starfleet has on the Concorde so I think I have a better understanding of the ship's capabilities.
It should be a nice relaxing time here anyway. I can have some peace and quiet whilst I practise the violin. I have heard rumours that there are bets being placed on what the noise is from my room. I must say, Captain Bishop wrestling a Banshee is my favourite guess at the moment.
Sam gives a weak laugh and then sighs
I'm sorry for my disjointed ramblings, my mind is still otherwise occupied with Mother. Still. Not long until I return home...
I'm not sure if I should be using this but screw it, if I'm going insane, I'd like to have it on a recording. There is a stop as a bottle is heard being opened in the background, and a drink being poured.
I think I've become addicted to this stuff.
The voice seems distant as if the comment was a slip and unintentional.
Oh hell where do I begin?
The voice doesn't seem like Sam's usually confident voice.
I need a shrink. No. I don't. *Argh!*
A gasp and clatter, like glass being dropped on carpet
Ah for fu - forget it.
A body can be heard slumping onto a sofa
What's happening to me? Why do I feel like I'm losing control? And why now?
Is it Mother? Jenny? The Endeavour?
Wait. I understand. It is. Is this why I'm addicted to that bloody whisky? Everything I have ever cared for is slipping away. First Jenny. Now Mother and the Endeavour. Am I that bad of a Captain? That bad of a person? That I can't protect the ones that I love? What about Keelah...
No.
Sam's voice has regained his usual vigour, but there's a new determination there, something that hasn't been heard before.
Timo and Keelah are right. I'm not giving up the Endeavour without a fight. If they, whoever they are, want her, they can try and take her. They'll soon find that whatever belongs to a Bishop, will always belong to a Bishop.
There is a small, dark chuckle and Sam's voice gets louder, as if he has moved right next to the microphone. The next few words are uttered in a loud whisper.
And if you can hear me. You better be scared. I'm coming for you.
Jaidan sighs as the computer beeps. He looks at his console with weariness.
Damn you, Sam, you stubborn bastard.
Jaidan stands and starts to pace around his office.
Must I be forced to relieve you of command?
I understand, I know, what Jenny meant to you. You forget that I lived with you for three years. We were like brothers. So I know, damn you, I know. I was there at her funeral. I was by your side. So why are you pushing me away now?
Jaidan pauses.
You don't know how many times I've read through your last psych eval. I almost know the bloody thing off by heart. It was perfect. There was nothing wrong there. Nothing about the war...nothing about Jenny. I thought you had dealt with it...I was obviously wrong.
Jaidan returns to his seat angrily.
This is not how you treat friends Sam. I have been loyal to you from the start. This silence...these lies...is a slap in the face. I want to help you. Captain Konieczko obviously wants to help you. Captain Timoreev obviously wants to help you. Please, Sam. I implore you.
Jaidan sighs and leans back in his chair.
I want to send this to you. But I'm not sure it will convince you at all. Computer, bring up Captain Bishop's duty shifts and timetable him for a psych eval, top priority, within the week.
The computer beeps in reply.
Sam...if you miss this eval...I will be forced to relieve you of command...
It feels odd leaving DS13 on a civilian ship. It feels like I'm leaving something behind, a part of me. Who knows. This could be the last time I see DS13 ever again. The last time I see my friends, my ship, my crewmates. More than a part of me wants to go back, back to the safety of the starbase, back into Keelah's warm arms.
But I can't. This journey is something I must do.
I plan to board a ship back to the Delta Quadrant. I need to go back to Kobali Prime, where my dreams and my thoughts have been so focused on lately. The trenches where I fought, where I led, are calling me back. Perhaps, in them, I will find the peace I so crave.
And then? Well...I can't forget Jenny's last message to me. Earth beckons too, circumstances did not warrant a proper visit last time and I had errands to run.
Lastly, I need to go back to Bajor. That seems to be where it all started. I may not be allowed to work, but this is personal. If what Jenny said was true, then my life and my crew's lives, are in danger and I will not allow more officers to die because of me. Dr Anjar could possibly help and shed some light on the group that seems intent on my death.
What lies ahead, I am not sure. Whether I will return to DS13, I am not sure. But the stars beckon and I must heed their call. It is my duty.
Sam is seated in his ready room desk, his jacket off. He is drinking whisky from a glass.
Ricky Chance Wilson.
He shakes his head.
Out of everyone, she goes for Rick. I think she's actually crazy - I mean, no offence to Rick or anything but...the age difference, the rank difference, the...well...everything difference. Chance is...
He sips his drink looking thoughtfully into the console.
I remember when I first met Chance...all those years ago...what was it...2407? No, 8. Doesn't matter anyway. I hated the bastard!
He chuckles.
I don't think I've ever met a person who likes Chance at first. Arrogant and egotistical...the man has something of a Napoleon complex. But if that's what you think of Chance then you don't know Chance at all.
He shakes his head.
Out of everyone on the USS Sharpe, there was nobody more devoted to their service as Ensign Wilson. Nobody at all. You don't have to be liked, you just have to do your job. Wilson did exactly that. And because of that he almost lost his life that day. Nobody else moved an inch to save his life when that Klingon had him pinned to the wall. Nobody but me.
His fingers move up to trace the faded scar on his face.
We saved each other's life that day. And from that moment on, I realised something...I would rather have Chance Wilson by my side than an army of Klingons. Little did I know that from that day forth, my wish would be granted.
The galaxy seems huge, but not large enough it seems to keep me from bumping into Chance. On leave, on mission, in passing. I've lost count of how many times we've saved each other from near death. Klingon, Cardassian, Romulan, Borg, Gorn, Orion...we must have battled every single species in the galaxy together at one point or another.
Damn, when I saw him arrive on Kobali Prime I thought it was God playing a cruel trick. We had evaded death together for so long, only to perish together at the hands of the Vaadwaar in that forsaken hell hole.
But by God...we survived. The Kobali Cobras...that's what they called us. I wonder where the rest of them are now? Aryss, C'sall, Hagum and Zazza are dead. I saw their graves on Kobali Prime. But that leaves nine of us. Somewhere in the galaxy...
And now we're both on DS13. For better or for worse, he's been part of my life for a long time. Call me crazy...but you know what? Chance is one of the only people in this entire universe whom I'd trust with more than my life. Out of everyone on that list, he is the only one who has done that, who earnt their place in that list.
Timo...Keelah...Jaidan...they entered my life on good terms and have been there since. Rick...Rick earnt my respect. We had nothing at the start, but he built his own terms, his own principles and he stuck to them. I admire Rick. More than anyone else, I respect Rick. He's fashioned his own life. Like I said. If you think Rick is a shallow, self-centred, ego-centric bastard...you don't know Rick.
But Lara...Oh, my dear Lara, he's not your sort of man. It's...just... wrong...
Ricky Chance Wilson.
Sam pauses for a long time, finishing his whisky before he leans forward to the console, putting his empty glass on the desk
Computer. Display Federation Dossiers, codename "The Kobali Cobras", clearance Bishop-Three-Gamma-Rho-Four-Two-Zero.
Authorised. Displaying thirteen results...
The Kobali Cobras...Computer, end log and compose a message to "The Kobali Cobras", subject "Reunion?"
There is no voice for a long time, only repeated sighs
Computer end...no, cancel that.
You remember how you felt when you graduated? The second time that is...before all this happened? That feeling of what's to come?
That's what I feel now, again.
But it's not naive eagerness that you would find on a cadet...no. Not the excitement of the unknown, the feeling of invincibility...
It's the feeling of vulnerability.
And I do feel vulnerable. I feel like everything has been stripped away from me, leaving me bare...like how a plant shed its leaves in the winter, so that it may survive and regrow in the Spring. I am the plant. My leaves are gone and like the bravest snowdrop pushing through the last of the winter snow to see the light of day...that's what I have to do. Be the snowdrop.
The last few weeks have been tumultuous. My physical recovery has been exceeding all expectations, probably due to the fact I'm used to recovering from heavy injuries. My mental...is a different matter. The events of the last six months have come crashing down on me, and it takes all my willpower to keep my head above the snow. Natasha has been a very good counsellor...though...our past makes the matter complicated...
My family...my family have been everything to me. My wife-to-be and my daughter...they have been, and always will be, the rocks upon which my life is built. And as Keelah said yesterday...we must do everything we can to give T'Pia the best in this universe. I would settle for nothing less. Keelah herself...I didn't think we could grow any closer, and yet, last night, we seem to have done exactly that. At least...at least at the end of our traumatic past, we have each other. And that is all that matters.
And now...to what I've left behind. All those loose ends that need tying up.
Zee...I can't believe that was even a problem. I think that maybe, maybe...I should take the lead, show her that I am not the person she believes I was. I owe her a great deal, and I don't think she realises that. She certainly doesn't know how grateful I am to her...not just for my rescue, but for looking after Keelah, being there for her when I wasn't.
Rick...he's gone now. Off on a new adventure. It was nice of him to call. Though, the guilt of the sacrifice he made for me still weighs heavy on my mind. And he apologised to me. He took steps towards me... that man had nothing to apologise for, but I did. And I didn't. Maybe I'll see him again. Hopefully, he comes to the wedding...
On the subject of looking after Keelah and weddings...Eunha... We never got off on the right foot. Ever. But still, I seem to constantly owe her a lot. And now, she's getting married herself. I can't say I know the man, but I hope he looks after her. It is what she deserves, more than anyone, for being Keelah's closest friend and advocate. If there is something I must do, is making good on that friendship. It is the least I can do; looking out for her, as she did for Keelah. I owe her that much.
Sebastian...well...it's over. My dearest brother. My closest friend. The man who brought me up, because I didn't have a father. The man who saved my career. The man who gave his all for me. The man...
The voice breaks
My dearest brother. I'm sorry for all the hurt I caused. All the pain I put you through. Know...know that you were...and always will be, my inspiration. My hero. I'm sorry that our last words were in anger. And that I never got to tell you how much I loved you. You inherited a broken house, and though you tried everything you could...you left it broken. No...you left it perfect. I broke it. Sebastian. With you, I place the Bishop name. You were everything our family needed. Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust Sebastian. I love you.
There is another long pause. Deep breaths can be heard.
Jenny...my dear Jenny. I thought I had closed that door when I visited her grave. But it seems not. It seems that Jenny follows me, wherever I go. I guess...
A slight chuckle
I guess this is her way of punishing me for how I handled her death. I have to tell Tasha...she...she deserves to know. Jenny was her everything, just as she was mine. I can't ever forget that.
And now...and now to what I have to do going forward. There is a lot...a lot. Retirement is not coming anytime soon. But first things first. I need to fully recover, in both body and mind. Only then can I face what the future holds. At least this time, I do it as a Bishop-Se'Lai, instead of a Bishop. Now, no matter what...Keelah will be by my side. And now we have a goal that's bigger than either of us. Our dear daughter.
Well, what did I expect huh? She's Intelligence; of course the reports wouldn't be available. Still, that's not what I've been told overtly, and with her not being in her right mind I'm not going to get anywhere with her. Still...
That's not all that's been going on lately. The recent report Alfred submitted was interesting, to say the least. A partially assimilated Borg vessel? The Borg don't do things in parts. Even though I have full access to the report and the logs, I still can't get my head around this. A stranded ship? Other reports of Borg engagements in the last few weeks?
Damn, it might be worth getting my ass back on that chair just for this... but I'm not ready. I really am not. I've been running simulation after simulation. Taking test after test. Reading after reading. I'm over prepared. And yet... I don't feel right. Something. Something is stopping me. Fear of failure? Of letting down my friends and colleagues?
Or is it because of the Endeavour? She's been looming over me like a shadow, watching my every move. She wants me, but I don't want her. Not yet. Not now.
A sigh
Keelah's mother is coming to visit. Not that I am looking forward to it. Should I hide my flaws? Take command and pretend I'm an invincible Captain, ready to take Keelah's hand in marriage? Or would she see straight through that facade? Nobody would want their only daughter marrying a man who is scared of facing the future. How would that give her confidence in our own future? Keelah knows, Keelah understands. But how to explain that to someone who doesn't experience emotion like I do? Like Keelah does?
It may be time to stop running. Stop running from my past. Face the future.
A sudden booming laugh
That's all a damn lie. Every single word of that. I've said this before in the last six months. Always a "I'll start again," or a "I'll leave the past behind me," or a "I'll turn over a new leaf." It's all a damn lie. Nothing is going to change. Not really. Tomorrow I'll still be the same man I am today. My past isn't just going to blow away now. It's etched into rock, the scribe of time carving it for the past to remember.
But the edifice of my future is still clean. How do I carve that? How can I carve that?
It's been an interesting time since my last log. I've been made Captain, got a new command and crew, and Keelah and I have... Well I think that's best left unsaid, only that we're making up for lost time with renewed vigour.
T'Pia has been excelling in her studies. My darling girl. I'm so pleased for her and what she's had to overcome. I'll need to take her on a tour of the Endeavour soon. In fact I'll schedule that right after this log.
Now... My new crew. It is interesting. The old crew seemed like family. This crew feels like... Well a crew. And a damn fine crew at that. We have a wealth of experience that our old crew did not have. They were direct from the war. This time we have people from all over time and space and it's an exciting mixture. My one problem seems to be to get the crew working together. I'm not saying that my entire crew is full of selfish individuals, rather the opposite; they're all timid, not wanting to push themselves out of the crowd because they are unsure of how their fellow crewmembers will react. It's that feeling of not wanting to look like a showoff in front of people who they don't know and have bad first impressions.
The task of making the crew work well together isn't made easier by the fact that I still do not have a First Officer. Right now, the job is being shared by myself, Tasha and Jaidan, but it is unfair to continue to pile work onto them. That said, I feel like right now, our priorities should not be on our search for a First Officer, but to make sure the crew can work well together. If we can achieve that, our new First Officer can simply slide into the job. And to be honest, I'm actually looking forward to working closely with the crew like this. Rolling up my sleeves and doing some boots on the ground work is something different for me and can only seek to boost crew morale, rather like King Henry V before Agincourt.
There is something that has been worrying me. Our warp core problems have not yet been solved and I'm on the verge of having to submit a form to drydock the Endeavour again to get it fixed. I had hoped it would not come to this. The warp engine problem is masking the other problems on the ship and the faster we can solve it, the faster the Endeavour can reach her full potential.
I should really let Keelah work on the problem properly, without me distracting her but... I still feel guilty about my close call with Tasha. I was close to betraying my love her Keelah. Tasha is a wondrous lady, but my heart is for Keelah and I can't betray her, not after everything she's done for me, for us...
I don't know if I should tell her or not...
But anyway, the Endeavour is a real fine ship. I am privileged to be her commanding officer. And when she's firing on all cylinders, I'm sure she'll demonstrate why she is a flagship. I'd reckon she'd even give the MacAlpine a run for her money, despite all her upgrades. You can't beat the original!
There are times in your life when you know what you do will change the future. Sometimes that is for the better. Sometimes it's for the worse. But you know what you do will certainly change the future.
I swore an oath to uphold the Prime Directive, with my life if I had to. I know what the Prime Directive is there to preserve. But upholding it and questioning it are not two different things. To question something is to know it better. And so this is where I stand.
Look, what we did was right. We handed the prisoner over to the lawful government of the country who officially requested we give the prisoner over. We had no jurisdiction in that matter, especially since the prisoner refused to ask for asylum. But talking with the prisoner... I can't help feeling that if those "Vanguards" or whatever they're called, gain power, we might witness events akin to our own Earth history, more specifically the 20th Century. Genocide, political purges, wars... but that's not a definite. That's what I have to remember. It's not a definite. Though the way the prisoner was speaking, it was concerning but... it could turn out okay.
Whatever happens, they will learn something. Just like we did. Experiences like that cannot be taught. They have to be felt first hand. Ideals of freedom, of morality, and of equality are only properly learnt when they are tested in fire. That's what millennia of history has told us.
A chuckle
If only we could learn huh?
In other news, Endeavour's problem's been found and will be fixed. So that's the good news.
The bad is that my search history has been hacked and now everyone thinks I'm cheating, which is great isn't it? Oh and that I may be wanting to have another child. Both matters of privacy that I wanted to talk to Keelah about myself. Now, she has probably heard a bastardised version of them from someone who doesn't even know her.
And Lara... Lara's...suddenly grown up so fast. I don't really know what to do. Dating? Really? My Lara? What does she know about love really? And how will she deal with the heartbreak and pain that comes with it? She's just a delicate little flower. My dear Lara...
I'm glad the Hur'q threat has been dealt with but right now, that's only a fraction of my worries. But it's okay... I haven't seen a Borg ship in the sector in a while. Could this mean that I was wrong? Hopefully...
Still no Borg ship that we've seen and I haven't seen a report by Emery cross my desk yet so I think it's safe to assume that he hasn't either. That's good. Good. I think. I don't know. Calm before the storm kind of thing.
Everything else though is looking good. Still no First Officer but we seem to be doing well without one, Tasha and Jaidan are doing the job well. Still looking though because I cannot stand Tasha lording over me. If I can't go down on another damn away mission because of some stupid rule... never mind.
I got a letter. Old fashioned. To me. To my address, with the correct posting. No date. It was signed by someone who I thought was dead. I don't want to open it... I don't want to know what it could be, or what it could say. I'm already preoccupied with other matters.
Must catch up with Kala soon, I've not spoken to him since Bajor. With everything happening there it's just been a pain. And Lara's family too...
