Gandalf the Falcon: Tales from Before Now

Gandalf the Falcon tells us chilling stories of bygone days.

//Edited TFA:SFK log.

Spoiler: 1-23-13: One terrible day, something happened to Myspace... Terrible, I tell you.Show
kelltanis: I remember when I was in Iraq...the connection was so horrible that it'd take 10 min of your 30 min computer time just to load's been awhile...
Thorrim: whats myspace?
Falcon3000: Sit down, boys and girls, and let me tell you a story. Did you know there was a way to talk to other people before Facebook and texting?
Quaen: WHAT
Thorrim: Friendster?
lobstertan: : O Continue, please...
Falcon3000: Yes, the Facebook hasn't always been around! Long ago, there was something on the old Internet called the Myspace. You decorated your web page with gaudy colors, bad music, and pictures of people.
lobstertan: My God. And they still had electricity?
Quaen: They still churned their butter back then.
Falcon3000: Yes, the Nickelback, the Barry Manilow, they were all there. But one dreadeful day, something happened.
lobstertan: I can't imagine that....*shudders*
Falcon3000: Ah, you kids don't know how it was in the old days.
Falcon3000: But I was talking about the Myspace. One terrible day, something happened to the Myspace... Terrible, I tell you.
lobstertan: You know, I umagine this being sung to an old bard type rhythm.
Falcon3000: Someone, somewhere, decided that the Myspace wasn't cool any more. And then, it went away.
Quaen: ..oh lord, Falcon is now by the fire in a gandalf beard and a wizard hat, relaying this tale in dark shadows..
lobstertan: Gandalf the Falcon.
Quaen: Gandalf the Falcon.
kelltanis: Falcon the Grey
Falcon3000: But the fellow, the Justin Timberlake. I remember him when he was a boy, on the Mickey Mouse Club.
Quaen: That is now his officer note on the roster. kthx
lobstertan: *Chant Chant Chant*
Falcon3000: (oh yipes)
Falcon3000: The Justin Timberlake boy found the Myspace all curled up, alone in the woods of the Internet. It was getting by on scraps of bandwidth, but it wasn't dead!
lobstertan: What-what happend next?
Quaen: I can't listen anymore!
Falcon3000: And he said "Oy! Look at you, the Myspace! We should bring you back to the rest of the Internet! Most of them won't remember you, and they'll think you're cool again!"
Quaen: Glory, glory, glory.
lobstertan: Blasphemy.
Falcon3000: And he brought the Myspace back to his house, wrapped it in a blanket, gave it some hot cocoa, and it felt all cool again.
lobstertan: Wait, it's getting a bit weird now...
Quaen: Shhh, the special music's come on.
Thorrim: if he ends up taking off his pants... im leaving
lobstertan: *Shhes*
Falcon3000: So the Justin boy is bringing the Myspace back, just like he brought the sexy back... but that's another story!
Falcon3000: The. End.
Quaen: Awww, you're done telling already? But I'm not sleeeepppy nooooww. Tell us another one!

Spoiler: 1-23-13: Even back then, we loved the Trek...Show
Falcon3000: Well, let me see...
Falcon3000: A long time ago, there was a Star Trek game. But it didn't have the pretty ships, and music, and all the boxes everywhere. Do you want to hear the story?
Quaen: Yes, Gandalf the Falcon, yes!
lobstertan: Please o'Mighty
Thorrim: tell us this story wise Sage
Falcon3000: Long ago, the computers were not so big and strong like today. Their disks were floppy, and their monitors were... *whispering* monochrome.
Quaen: *gasps and covers Areyis's ears*
Thorrim: The young ones should not be hearing this!
Falcon3000: And what you could put in a tablet today filled a whole room with metal boxes!
Falcon3000: But, even back then, we loved the Star Trek.
Thorrim: This is heresy!
Bywing: Hey! I remember floppy disks!
Bywing: Go away Skyler!
Falcon3000: So, we said to ourselves, "How in the dickens can we make believe we're in the Star Trek?" So, we made a game. And everybody loved it.
Quaen: And the prophesy was fulfilled and a legend born!
Falcon3000: Now, be nice to the little Skyler, or no candy later.
Falcon3000: So, we put little green dots on the computer screen. Because green was the only color we had, and we were grateful!
Thorrim: How much ram did you have?
Falcon3000: We called the dots "asterisks," and we still have them today! *gestures accordingly*
Quaen: ...sacred cows!
Falcon3000: What, ram? We didn't know from ram! We had goats, and we were grateful!
lobstertan: Not even sheep?
Quaen: This just got weird again.
Falcon3000: So, anyway... We made a big square with the asterisks. Not even sheep. And the square was a sector of the galaxy!
Falcon3000: So we made a ship--the Enterprise! And it looked like this...
lobstertan: Sweet mother -
Bywing: I would've made it look like this @__- -
Quaen: Shh, impudent whelp. Gandalf the Falcon is talking!
Falcon3000: We didn't have the fancy underlines back then!
Thorrim: Madre de dios!
Bywing: Did you have equals signs?
Bywing: @=
lobstertan: Stole my equals sign.
Quaen: Beat him with a stick.
Falcon3000: But, we needed to protect the galaxy from someone, and the Borg hadn't even been thought of yet. And yes, we had the equals sign, but that would mean keeping two symbols together, and the computers... ...*sotto voce* the computers couldn't even move them around together so good! So, it was just the @.
Bywing: So you needed Klingons who didn't have weird foreheads!
Falcon3000: ...*sotto voce* the computers couldn't even move them around together so good! So, it was just the @.
Falcon3000: Hey, be nice to the Klingons. They don't speak of that openly... But yes, we had some Klingons. Want to see their ship? Here... K
Falcon3000: Ooh, it's a scary ship, don't you think?
Bywing: Yes, very scary
Thorrim: Egads! *pulls head under blanket*
Falcon3000: And we had the phasers and the photon torpedoes, but you didn't just press the button or the space bar like today! You kids don't know how good you have it!
Falcon3000: When I was a boy, we actually had to calculate the firing angle ourselves! And we were grateful!
Bywing: I think i would've just went outside and played Star Trek with my friends.
Quaen: Aw, Gandalf the Falcon, /nobody/ could do thaaat. You're fiiiibbbiiing.
Falcon3000: You couldn't go outside with them! The computers were too big to carry! And I calculated many a vector, young lady, thank you very much and you're welcome!
Falcon3000: We loved the little game, and the floppy disks. So remember how good you have it. Now go to sleep, already!
Falcon3000: The. End.
Bywing: @ vs K, who wins?
Falcon3000: If you were any good at your vectors, the @ won.
Quaen: See, this is why all our names have an @ in them! The Enterprise won!
Falcon3000: On the nosey, little lady! What a world if the Klingons had won! Yes, here's my e-mail address,! What is that?
How funny. And to answer a question, yes, it was real. And at the time, it was spectacular:
I just want to say, where Quaen gasped and covered Bywings ears... is my favorite part.