>audio recording start
>>stardate 92969.8
Hey, so, eventful times.
I was going to comm Mme and Ntate but I've got to get this all out first, and I don't have a lot of time before I need to get to sleep. I'll just get this out before that.
Feeling really awful about what we had to do to the species we ran across on the salvage mission.
We did the right thing - absolutely the right thing, so far as my job is concerned. One hundred percent. That Orion dragged us into a hell of a spot and we pulled it out and did what was necessary to spare their culture. To keep it from contamination.
I've never made accidental first contact before, let alone then ordered the removal of memories. The altering of a person's very person without their consent. The moral implications behind that call are staggering. It makes me feel nauseous, makes me feel kind of like a monster. Doctor Pohl feels the same way. I tried to encourage him to schedule something with counseling, like I am, but he won't and it's really not my business so long as he has it under control.
What I ordered, though. It's so...immoral. Which is of course one of the things that comes with being in charge. I accept it. Learned to accept it with what happened to Janus. With the Elachi.
It's just...you know...
darnit.
I wish I could have done just about anything else. Only hope God can forgive me, because this felt so wrong.
>audio recording end
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Spoiler: Counseling Session Recording stardate 93042.8Show
Tau@xanthestar steps in, his ever-present quiet smile right in place. "Afternoon, counselor. Thanks for seeing me."
Katriel@evenrue looks up from her PADD, which she sets off to the side. She gives Tau a brief smile. "Hello, Commander. Not at all. What can I do for you?"
Katriel@evenrue | The counselor's office is about as neat as you would expect Katriel's office to be. The space is obviously keyed towards comfort and maybe slightly reminiscent of those absurdly attractive
Katriel@evenrue | magazine shots of 'home sweet home'. The furnishings are clean and any decorations are deliberate and staged.
Katriel@evenrue | Three cloth tapestries hang in series on the curved wall behind her desk, one a weaving of the Deep Space 13 station while the other two are more scenic with Andorian writing.
Katriel@evenrue | A series of miscellaneous souvenirs and oddities are ranged on the shelf below them. Her desk has several neat stacks of PADDs and a white coffee mug. There's also a fair-sized glass jar, filled
Katriel@evenrue | with tiny bits of colored paper, and an ornate little wooden box with individually-wrapped white-colored candies for the taking, which sits atop a brief handwritten note.
Katriel@evenrue | A standard, rectangular fish tank is embedded in the wall.
Tau@xanthestar 's smile fades as he moves to sit in the chair. He takes in her office curiously, then folds his hands in his lap
Katriel@evenrue | <fin>
Tau@xanthestar: "Well I've been having some trouble coping with something I had to take ownership of on a mission I led for the Captain."
Tau@xanthestar: "It's caused me a little more distress than usual, I was hoping maybe to just...talk it through with you, see if bouncing it off someone else might help."
Katriel@evenrue laces her fingers together and sets her clasped hands in her lap. "Of course, I'm happy to hear you out. What happened?"
Tau@xanthestar adjusts his jacket and exhales, his smile returning. It's just as wide, though clearly at this point by his demeanor he's affecting it
Tau@xanthestar: "We were on a mission for salvage. It was pretty basic, right? Unfortunately we ran into some Orion scavengers trying to get their hands on the stuff."
Tau@xanthestar: "Classified Romulana dn Iconian tech, we couldn't risk it. While we were spinning our wheels with them, a new pre-warp species picked up the energy signatures of our ships."
Katriel@evenrue nods as she listens, her eyes quietly intent on Tau as he speaks.
Tau@xanthestar keeps his eyes on the ceiling or the wall a majority of the time as he talks, uncomfortable with sharing this despite his professed appreciation for counselors.
Tau@xanthestar: "They attempted to contact us. Made visual contact, Tried to send word back to their planet."
Tau@xanthestar: "So, once I drove that Orion off, I had to do...what we do. Intercept the transmissions, stop their civilization from being contaminated."
Tau@xanthestar: "In the process though, I had to order the two people aboard the vessel to have their memories from that portion of time wiped."
Katriel@evenrue nods slowly.
Tau@xanthestar exhales a little. His hand is at this point in his left pocket, fiddling around with something. "It's a basic pre-warp, first contact problem. Trained for it, handled far worse."
Tau@xanthestar: "But actually having to order a Doctor - in this case Doctor Pohl, who was just as disgusted with doing it as I was - to do it?"
Tau@xanthestar lets out another shaky breath, seeming pretty taken aback.
Tau@xanthestar: "It's messed with me. A lot."
Katriel@evenrue: Because ... it feels like such a violation?
Tau@xanthestar nods, only once. "I know why we -do- it, for Starfleet's sake and their own. But it feels like I asked the Doctor to violate their soverignty."
Tau@xanthestar: "Because -I- made a mistake, I asked him to essentially play God."
Katriel@evenrue considers that. "Are you bothered that our protocols mandate such an activity... or are you bothered that you made a mistake that resulted in needing to resort to those protocols?"
Tau@xanthestar 's brows knit as he thinks about her question
Katriel@evenrue waits uber patiently.
Tau@xanthestar: "Both, I think. I know why they're required, but the action of having your people carry them out is so morally questionable that...I wonder maybe if the rule itself isn't ... flawed."
Tau@xanthestar: "I know I did my best with what we had to deal with, I'm not concerned I should have been bettr in that regard."
Tau@xanthestar: "Still, if I had handled things a little more efficiently, we could have left them with maybe some...vague UFO activity and let them wonder."
Katriel@evenrue inclines her head. "I don't think you have to wonder too much about the flaws of the rule, Commander, if I'm going to be honest. I think they're pretty obvious and laid out."
Tau@xanthestar leans forward onto his knees a little, taking a moment to rub at his face.
Katriel@evenrue: Just because it's the protocol we have does not make it a flawless one, it's just the least awful one that we've agreed upon, for better or worse.
Tau@xanthestar: "A lot of my free time has been spent a little...hyper-focused on what happened, Counselor. I'm pre-occupied with it. I know you can't really fix that. It's really absurd, because I know I wouldn't
Tau@xanthestar: -change- what I ordered."
Tau@xanthestar: "It was the right thing to do. But I can't get the thought of ... the more esoteric, spiritual, philosophical implications of what I ordered pushed away."
Katriel@evenrue inclines her head a bit. "I think that's okay, Commander. That's actually right, that you should question it. That you should feel a bit uneasy."
Katriel@evenrue: It is frankly better than the alternative, to be completely comfortable with what your orders are all the time.
Katriel@evenrue: Especially the difficult ones. It makes people complacent and puts them in danger of obeying orders that they don't see the impact of.
Tau@xanthestar smiles a little, though for someone probably experienced with all sort of emotional states, his eyes betray someone who would likely be near tears if he weren't so good at acting. He clears his th
Tau@xanthestar: roat a little.
Tau@xanthestar: "Maybe. You're not wrong." He admits a bit reluctantly./
Katriel@evenrue considers him. "What do you wish could have happened instead, may I ask?"
Tau@xanthestar loosens his collar a little, letting the zipper down, then settles his hand near the base of his neck as his eyes hit the ceiling again
Tau@xanthestar: "That either I...got my people out of there in time. Or that we could have found a way to make First Contact work."
Tau@xanthestar: "I feel like in following the policy I did, maybe I did it in my chase of that fourth pip."
Tau@xanthestar: "To make sure that reputation is spotless."
Katriel@evenrue: What would that look like, can you imagine? Trying to make First Contact work?
Tau@xanthestar: "Not good." Tau admits in a melancholy tone. "They thought we were gods."
Katriel@evenrue purses her lips. "There are precedents for that happening in the past, though, and sometimes Starfleet manages to ... discourage that belief. Do you feel like that could have been accomplished
Katriel@evenrue: here?
Tau@xanthestar finally looks back toward the desk, lookign -at- Katriel for the first time since their session began.
Tau@xanthestar: "I don't have enough information to know. Maybe? Maybe we could have made it work."
Tau@xanthestar: "I'd like to think I could have led the people with me to -make- it work."
Katriel@evenrue 's tone is gentle. "Your phrasing implies that you might feel that to be overly optimistic, rather than realistic."
Tau@xanthestar: "I'm confident in my own ability." Tau says, choosing his words carefully. "I'm still new in this command, and this was my first command on the starbase vessel. I think it would have been possible, bu
Tau@xanthestar: t...I didn't know the crew well enough to know it for certain."
Katriel@evenrue nods. "That's an understandable reason for reluctance, for sure. Do you think if you had known the crew better, been more certain of their abilities... you maybe would have tried something else?"
Tau@xanthestar: "I like to think I would have." Tau says with a slow nod, eyes drifting off to the desk's surface this time. "It's an unreasonable thought, though, because with a crew as large as what we have here on
Tau@xanthestar: starbase, it's unrealistic. I'm doing my best, but interpersonal relations are going to be -far- more distant and familiar than on my last ship."
Katriel@evenrue nods slowly. "I'd have to agree. Certainly it'd be nice for you to get to know everyone and I agree that you could definitely still make the effort, but perhaps it's worth considering assuming a
Katriel@evenrue: more utilitarian viewpoint on it. Everyone on board has their job to do and you should trust them to know how to do it. You can't be held accountable for not knowing someone is unfit to accomplish a
Katriel@evenrue: task when you haven't seen any warning signs.
Tau@xanthestar takes in a long, cleansing breath, then nods and looks back at her with an open and sad smile. "Hope I'm not lessening your confidence in my ability to be your commanding officer by divulging all
Tau@xanthestar: of this to you." His tone is teasing.
Katriel@evenrue 's lips quirk to one side. "Not at all, Commander. I think it's much braver to admit to your vulnerabilities than it is to cover them up. Though we all do a little of both, at all times."
Tau@xanthestar chuckles quietly and rubs at the top of his head, feeling along his hair in some nervous habit. "Well, thank you for that. You're right, I should really just focus on...making sure I trust everyon
Tau@xanthestar: e here to know their job."
Katriel@evenrue 's tone is amiable. "I think that's a good way to go, yeah. Then you can hope for a different resolution next time, right?"
Tau@xanthestar: "Right." He agrees, tone chastened. "Right. God help me, I feel...kind of silly for coming here now. I should have been able to come to that conclusion." He smirks over at her with a shrug
Katriel@evenrue purses her lips a little. "Well, that's no good. If you could, then I would be out of a job."
Tau@xanthestar laughs.
Tau@xanthestar: "Well you could still be the Christmas gift-giver!"
Tau@xanthestar: "You -love- that, right?"
Katriel@evenrue snorts softly. "I do enjoy it a lot, but what I would I do for the rest of the year?"
Tau@xanthestar chuckles a little more, his posture loosening. "Well I'll make sure to bring myself back here then. You could have a job just in sorting through my head, I think."
Tau@xanthestar says knowing he sees counseling officers twice a week >>
Katriel@evenrue smiles faintly. "I'll see you anytime you wish, Commander, no trouble. I have always thought that..."
Katriel@evenrue: ... Every individual has their own world of perspectives and emotions and thoughts, right inside of themselves.
Katriel@evenrue: So it's only natural for it to be a grand effort, sorting through each one.
Katriel@evenrue: Makes the entire universe feel quite a bit bigger, when you imagine everyone else being as complicated as you yourself are.
Tau@xanthestar looks a little emotional before covering himself with a wide smile. "...that's a hell of a sentiment, Counselor. Beautiful perspective."
Katriel@evenrue laughs just a little. "Well thank you. I've had a lot of time to come up with it. Anything else on your mind that we can get out there?"
Tau@xanthestar: "Normally I'd...well, my fiance would be my sounding board for a lot of this stuff. She's so wrapped up in warfare in her region that coming to her with my emotional booboos when she's off slaughterin
Tau@xanthestar: g Breen trying to infiltrate her region." He leans back and seems really pleased. "So...I appreciate the help you and your team have been giving me. Hell, all the other officers too."
Tau@xanthestar: "You really do a great job." He kind of...waves his hand in response to her question, a tiny shake of his head and a smile.
Katriel@evenrue smiles faintly. "Just happy to help, Commander. It takes all manner of people to make the galaxy spin, and all."
Tau@xanthestar: "I'll get myself out of here and back on-deck, so you can get back to work." He gets to his feet and adjusts his jacket back to perfection.
Tau@xanthestar: "Thank you, again. Honestly."
Katriel@evenrue inclines her head, smiling still. "You're most welcome. Have a good day, Commander."
Tau@xanthestar shakes his shoulders out and rolls his neck, trying to shake off any remaining emotional remnants before heading for the door. "You have a wonderful evening, Counselor."
Tau@xanthestar takes his leave a bit more confidently than when he arrived
Katriel@evenrue watches him exit pensively, then goes back to her work.
Katriel@evenrue looks up from her PADD, which she sets off to the side. She gives Tau a brief smile. "Hello, Commander. Not at all. What can I do for you?"
Katriel@evenrue | The counselor's office is about as neat as you would expect Katriel's office to be. The space is obviously keyed towards comfort and maybe slightly reminiscent of those absurdly attractive
Katriel@evenrue | magazine shots of 'home sweet home'. The furnishings are clean and any decorations are deliberate and staged.
Katriel@evenrue | Three cloth tapestries hang in series on the curved wall behind her desk, one a weaving of the Deep Space 13 station while the other two are more scenic with Andorian writing.
Katriel@evenrue | A series of miscellaneous souvenirs and oddities are ranged on the shelf below them. Her desk has several neat stacks of PADDs and a white coffee mug. There's also a fair-sized glass jar, filled
Katriel@evenrue | with tiny bits of colored paper, and an ornate little wooden box with individually-wrapped white-colored candies for the taking, which sits atop a brief handwritten note.
Katriel@evenrue | A standard, rectangular fish tank is embedded in the wall.
Tau@xanthestar 's smile fades as he moves to sit in the chair. He takes in her office curiously, then folds his hands in his lap
Katriel@evenrue | <fin>
Tau@xanthestar: "Well I've been having some trouble coping with something I had to take ownership of on a mission I led for the Captain."
Tau@xanthestar: "It's caused me a little more distress than usual, I was hoping maybe to just...talk it through with you, see if bouncing it off someone else might help."
Katriel@evenrue laces her fingers together and sets her clasped hands in her lap. "Of course, I'm happy to hear you out. What happened?"
Tau@xanthestar adjusts his jacket and exhales, his smile returning. It's just as wide, though clearly at this point by his demeanor he's affecting it
Tau@xanthestar: "We were on a mission for salvage. It was pretty basic, right? Unfortunately we ran into some Orion scavengers trying to get their hands on the stuff."
Tau@xanthestar: "Classified Romulana dn Iconian tech, we couldn't risk it. While we were spinning our wheels with them, a new pre-warp species picked up the energy signatures of our ships."
Katriel@evenrue nods as she listens, her eyes quietly intent on Tau as he speaks.
Tau@xanthestar keeps his eyes on the ceiling or the wall a majority of the time as he talks, uncomfortable with sharing this despite his professed appreciation for counselors.
Tau@xanthestar: "They attempted to contact us. Made visual contact, Tried to send word back to their planet."
Tau@xanthestar: "So, once I drove that Orion off, I had to do...what we do. Intercept the transmissions, stop their civilization from being contaminated."
Tau@xanthestar: "In the process though, I had to order the two people aboard the vessel to have their memories from that portion of time wiped."
Katriel@evenrue nods slowly.
Tau@xanthestar exhales a little. His hand is at this point in his left pocket, fiddling around with something. "It's a basic pre-warp, first contact problem. Trained for it, handled far worse."
Tau@xanthestar: "But actually having to order a Doctor - in this case Doctor Pohl, who was just as disgusted with doing it as I was - to do it?"
Tau@xanthestar lets out another shaky breath, seeming pretty taken aback.
Tau@xanthestar: "It's messed with me. A lot."
Katriel@evenrue: Because ... it feels like such a violation?
Tau@xanthestar nods, only once. "I know why we -do- it, for Starfleet's sake and their own. But it feels like I asked the Doctor to violate their soverignty."
Tau@xanthestar: "Because -I- made a mistake, I asked him to essentially play God."
Katriel@evenrue considers that. "Are you bothered that our protocols mandate such an activity... or are you bothered that you made a mistake that resulted in needing to resort to those protocols?"
Tau@xanthestar 's brows knit as he thinks about her question
Katriel@evenrue waits uber patiently.
Tau@xanthestar: "Both, I think. I know why they're required, but the action of having your people carry them out is so morally questionable that...I wonder maybe if the rule itself isn't ... flawed."
Tau@xanthestar: "I know I did my best with what we had to deal with, I'm not concerned I should have been bettr in that regard."
Tau@xanthestar: "Still, if I had handled things a little more efficiently, we could have left them with maybe some...vague UFO activity and let them wonder."
Katriel@evenrue inclines her head. "I don't think you have to wonder too much about the flaws of the rule, Commander, if I'm going to be honest. I think they're pretty obvious and laid out."
Tau@xanthestar leans forward onto his knees a little, taking a moment to rub at his face.
Katriel@evenrue: Just because it's the protocol we have does not make it a flawless one, it's just the least awful one that we've agreed upon, for better or worse.
Tau@xanthestar: "A lot of my free time has been spent a little...hyper-focused on what happened, Counselor. I'm pre-occupied with it. I know you can't really fix that. It's really absurd, because I know I wouldn't
Tau@xanthestar: -change- what I ordered."
Tau@xanthestar: "It was the right thing to do. But I can't get the thought of ... the more esoteric, spiritual, philosophical implications of what I ordered pushed away."
Katriel@evenrue inclines her head a bit. "I think that's okay, Commander. That's actually right, that you should question it. That you should feel a bit uneasy."
Katriel@evenrue: It is frankly better than the alternative, to be completely comfortable with what your orders are all the time.
Katriel@evenrue: Especially the difficult ones. It makes people complacent and puts them in danger of obeying orders that they don't see the impact of.
Tau@xanthestar smiles a little, though for someone probably experienced with all sort of emotional states, his eyes betray someone who would likely be near tears if he weren't so good at acting. He clears his th
Tau@xanthestar: roat a little.
Tau@xanthestar: "Maybe. You're not wrong." He admits a bit reluctantly./
Katriel@evenrue considers him. "What do you wish could have happened instead, may I ask?"
Tau@xanthestar loosens his collar a little, letting the zipper down, then settles his hand near the base of his neck as his eyes hit the ceiling again
Tau@xanthestar: "That either I...got my people out of there in time. Or that we could have found a way to make First Contact work."
Tau@xanthestar: "I feel like in following the policy I did, maybe I did it in my chase of that fourth pip."
Tau@xanthestar: "To make sure that reputation is spotless."
Katriel@evenrue: What would that look like, can you imagine? Trying to make First Contact work?
Tau@xanthestar: "Not good." Tau admits in a melancholy tone. "They thought we were gods."
Katriel@evenrue purses her lips. "There are precedents for that happening in the past, though, and sometimes Starfleet manages to ... discourage that belief. Do you feel like that could have been accomplished
Katriel@evenrue: here?
Tau@xanthestar finally looks back toward the desk, lookign -at- Katriel for the first time since their session began.
Tau@xanthestar: "I don't have enough information to know. Maybe? Maybe we could have made it work."
Tau@xanthestar: "I'd like to think I could have led the people with me to -make- it work."
Katriel@evenrue 's tone is gentle. "Your phrasing implies that you might feel that to be overly optimistic, rather than realistic."
Tau@xanthestar: "I'm confident in my own ability." Tau says, choosing his words carefully. "I'm still new in this command, and this was my first command on the starbase vessel. I think it would have been possible, bu
Tau@xanthestar: t...I didn't know the crew well enough to know it for certain."
Katriel@evenrue nods. "That's an understandable reason for reluctance, for sure. Do you think if you had known the crew better, been more certain of their abilities... you maybe would have tried something else?"
Tau@xanthestar: "I like to think I would have." Tau says with a slow nod, eyes drifting off to the desk's surface this time. "It's an unreasonable thought, though, because with a crew as large as what we have here on
Tau@xanthestar: starbase, it's unrealistic. I'm doing my best, but interpersonal relations are going to be -far- more distant and familiar than on my last ship."
Katriel@evenrue nods slowly. "I'd have to agree. Certainly it'd be nice for you to get to know everyone and I agree that you could definitely still make the effort, but perhaps it's worth considering assuming a
Katriel@evenrue: more utilitarian viewpoint on it. Everyone on board has their job to do and you should trust them to know how to do it. You can't be held accountable for not knowing someone is unfit to accomplish a
Katriel@evenrue: task when you haven't seen any warning signs.
Tau@xanthestar takes in a long, cleansing breath, then nods and looks back at her with an open and sad smile. "Hope I'm not lessening your confidence in my ability to be your commanding officer by divulging all
Tau@xanthestar: of this to you." His tone is teasing.
Katriel@evenrue 's lips quirk to one side. "Not at all, Commander. I think it's much braver to admit to your vulnerabilities than it is to cover them up. Though we all do a little of both, at all times."
Tau@xanthestar chuckles quietly and rubs at the top of his head, feeling along his hair in some nervous habit. "Well, thank you for that. You're right, I should really just focus on...making sure I trust everyon
Tau@xanthestar: e here to know their job."
Katriel@evenrue 's tone is amiable. "I think that's a good way to go, yeah. Then you can hope for a different resolution next time, right?"
Tau@xanthestar: "Right." He agrees, tone chastened. "Right. God help me, I feel...kind of silly for coming here now. I should have been able to come to that conclusion." He smirks over at her with a shrug
Katriel@evenrue purses her lips a little. "Well, that's no good. If you could, then I would be out of a job."
Tau@xanthestar laughs.
Tau@xanthestar: "Well you could still be the Christmas gift-giver!"
Tau@xanthestar: "You -love- that, right?"
Katriel@evenrue snorts softly. "I do enjoy it a lot, but what I would I do for the rest of the year?"
Tau@xanthestar chuckles a little more, his posture loosening. "Well I'll make sure to bring myself back here then. You could have a job just in sorting through my head, I think."
Tau@xanthestar says knowing he sees counseling officers twice a week >>
Katriel@evenrue smiles faintly. "I'll see you anytime you wish, Commander, no trouble. I have always thought that..."
Katriel@evenrue: ... Every individual has their own world of perspectives and emotions and thoughts, right inside of themselves.
Katriel@evenrue: So it's only natural for it to be a grand effort, sorting through each one.
Katriel@evenrue: Makes the entire universe feel quite a bit bigger, when you imagine everyone else being as complicated as you yourself are.
Tau@xanthestar looks a little emotional before covering himself with a wide smile. "...that's a hell of a sentiment, Counselor. Beautiful perspective."
Katriel@evenrue laughs just a little. "Well thank you. I've had a lot of time to come up with it. Anything else on your mind that we can get out there?"
Tau@xanthestar: "Normally I'd...well, my fiance would be my sounding board for a lot of this stuff. She's so wrapped up in warfare in her region that coming to her with my emotional booboos when she's off slaughterin
Tau@xanthestar: g Breen trying to infiltrate her region." He leans back and seems really pleased. "So...I appreciate the help you and your team have been giving me. Hell, all the other officers too."
Tau@xanthestar: "You really do a great job." He kind of...waves his hand in response to her question, a tiny shake of his head and a smile.
Katriel@evenrue smiles faintly. "Just happy to help, Commander. It takes all manner of people to make the galaxy spin, and all."
Tau@xanthestar: "I'll get myself out of here and back on-deck, so you can get back to work." He gets to his feet and adjusts his jacket back to perfection.
Tau@xanthestar: "Thank you, again. Honestly."
Katriel@evenrue inclines her head, smiling still. "You're most welcome. Have a good day, Commander."
Tau@xanthestar shakes his shoulders out and rolls his neck, trying to shake off any remaining emotional remnants before heading for the door. "You have a wonderful evening, Counselor."
Tau@xanthestar takes his leave a bit more confidently than when he arrived
Katriel@evenrue watches him exit pensively, then goes back to her work.
3 Likes
>Correspondence copied for record<
>>Recipients: Captain Sadia Cynis, KDF, Region Starbase 151
>Recording playback
Hey babe.
Okay so I'll start with the bad stuff first - going to have to delay my visit a few weeks! I know, kind of sucks, but Freeman had some stuff he had to do and that leaves me in charge of the base. Normally I'd settle it in Caspius' hands - he's my second right now - but we just hit this whole situation where I brought back a load of...God help me, it's something like twenty five thousand refugees of this race that things we're gods.
So you know, your man's gotten himself into some trouble. It's okay though, I had thought the Admirals would be on me like Romar was for Rallus - that man was ready to reprimand me for that act of humanity. Turns out my Admirals here are pretty nice, Perim even gave me some advice. She's a friend of Sara's, and...seems like a good person.
Sounds like everything's going to work out for now,but it does mean I can't come see you for about...three, four weeks? As soon as things clear up I'll be on my way. Just need to get these poor people on their way toward resettlement. Though if you wanted to come visit, or make some holodeck link-up time, I think we could make THAT happen.
How are things in the Expanse? Still killing...is it Breen or True Way? We got the Breen handled, right? I think so. I can't keep track, you trouble maker.
Keep in touch. Love you and miss you, Sadia.
>Playback end
>>Recipients: Captain Sadia Cynis, KDF, Region Starbase 151
>Recording playback
Hey babe.
Okay so I'll start with the bad stuff first - going to have to delay my visit a few weeks! I know, kind of sucks, but Freeman had some stuff he had to do and that leaves me in charge of the base. Normally I'd settle it in Caspius' hands - he's my second right now - but we just hit this whole situation where I brought back a load of...God help me, it's something like twenty five thousand refugees of this race that things we're gods.
So you know, your man's gotten himself into some trouble. It's okay though, I had thought the Admirals would be on me like Romar was for Rallus - that man was ready to reprimand me for that act of humanity. Turns out my Admirals here are pretty nice, Perim even gave me some advice. She's a friend of Sara's, and...seems like a good person.
Sounds like everything's going to work out for now,but it does mean I can't come see you for about...three, four weeks? As soon as things clear up I'll be on my way. Just need to get these poor people on their way toward resettlement. Though if you wanted to come visit, or make some holodeck link-up time, I think we could make THAT happen.
How are things in the Expanse? Still killing...is it Breen or True Way? We got the Breen handled, right? I think so. I can't keep track, you trouble maker.
Keep in touch. Love you and miss you, Sadia.
>Playback end
4 Likes
Spoiler: >>Reply sent by: Captain Sadia Cynis, KDF, Region Starbase 151Show
>Recording Playback
It's soo good to hear your voice again,
I'm glad to see you're doing the good work, and that it's being appreciated by your superiors. I could definitely use some of that here - General Koth is definitely a great help, but even he gets backhanded by some Great House nobles who think they can ignore our presence and do what they please. I will not go into details for obvious reasons, but we managed to deal with that issue for now. Makes a prolonged Breen border conflict look appealing in comparison though.
And Breen and their Almavian buddies have been silent in a while, and that too is a reason to worry. Our reports indicate new player has entered the field - local species called the Alarian Fiefdoms and they are skirmishing with Almavians and Breen to our west. Some other locals are also popping up and asking to establish communications - I'm just glad KDF isn't so regulation bound regarding first contact protocol, and I definitely don't plan to babysit and play galactic police to these guys.
Anyhow, it's quite tight schedule for me here too, and I'll do my best to make a quick trip to your place. This new courier frigate is doing it's job well, just don't expect me to ping you in advance.
Yeah, you can definitely expect some touching to happen when I come around. And that loving thing too. And you better don't miss.
>Playback end
1 Like
the tall officer is sat on his couch when the holocamera activates. beside him lay his jacket and shirt, the man looking like he must have just come out of the sonic shower, clad only in boxers. he appears morose and thoughtful, bent forward with a string of jade beads clutched carefully in his grip
Really don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. I could have just left them to die and I’d be right by Starfleet rules.
Tau glances at the camera, his bright blue eyes sad and dimmed by shadows
Probably would have been easier for everyone else in my command right now and the brass too. Hell, it would be easier for me, right? Just…write out a report and go back to work. So did I do the right thing?
That’s not an easy question to answer. For everyone else … yeah, of course. I’ve got to be confident in that choice. If I’m not they’ll know. It’s definitely the right thing to do and I know it was the right thing to do. Really though, I don’t think I know that. I can’t know that it was the right thing to do.
Morally I mean, I had no choice. I could use the Prime Directive to reason away leaving them back on their planet – their doomed planet – and just let the slavers come back for them if that’s what is fated to happen. The Prime Directive allows for wiggle room to that degree. They were compromised, though, and human contact has already hurt them immensely.
Hell in a way it’s probably my fault. I don’t think they were compromised until our accidental contact.
So, Tau’s eyes move down to the rosary he’s clutching, locking onto it thoughtfully as he speaks, it’s complicated.
I couldn’t consider leaving them though. Not because other members of my crew wanted to help them, but because it’s the right thing to do. It’s the Christian thing to do. I couldn’t leave them battered and beaten to just be…taken again by another ship. How could anyone decent justify that? When I made that choice I made the decision to, like with Rallus and with Janus, accept the consequences.
Thankfully the consequences from Command are almost non-existant. At least for right now. Ashkeph seemed to not be in the best mood, but after the squadron meeting I had the chance to talk to Perim. She seemed to understand and gave me some…under the table advice on reporting to make sure I don’t make things more difficult for the Zantaari.
I’m worried about them. We’re essentially keeping them sequestered. I’m doing my best with what I have on hand. Sara’s problems on DS515 with the Lekaari refugee crisis mean she’s been invaluable counsel … I’m trying my hardest to take their culture into consideration.
What makes it really fucked Tau winces as he curses, uncharacteristically bitter in tone is that their cultural understanding that we’re deities is something I can’t just dismiss. I tried with their leader and Ooog is just positive letting his people know we’re not is a bad idea. So it's by omission, but…it’s an affront to God. I’m letting them call me a ‘Godman’ and it chews me the hell up.
The man lets the rosary fall around his wrist and sets the top of his head in his hands, groaning. The frustrated sound turns into a tired laugh
What’s best for me isn’t the concern though. I’m asking a lot of all the people under me and for their ease of mind I've got to be...completely confident in this course of action.
there's a long pause as he looks down at the floor, face clearing up a bit
Maybe Father Michaels can make some time for me tonight. Computer end log.
Really don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. I could have just left them to die and I’d be right by Starfleet rules.
Tau glances at the camera, his bright blue eyes sad and dimmed by shadows
Probably would have been easier for everyone else in my command right now and the brass too. Hell, it would be easier for me, right? Just…write out a report and go back to work. So did I do the right thing?
That’s not an easy question to answer. For everyone else … yeah, of course. I’ve got to be confident in that choice. If I’m not they’ll know. It’s definitely the right thing to do and I know it was the right thing to do. Really though, I don’t think I know that. I can’t know that it was the right thing to do.
Morally I mean, I had no choice. I could use the Prime Directive to reason away leaving them back on their planet – their doomed planet – and just let the slavers come back for them if that’s what is fated to happen. The Prime Directive allows for wiggle room to that degree. They were compromised, though, and human contact has already hurt them immensely.
Hell in a way it’s probably my fault. I don’t think they were compromised until our accidental contact.
So, Tau’s eyes move down to the rosary he’s clutching, locking onto it thoughtfully as he speaks, it’s complicated.
I couldn’t consider leaving them though. Not because other members of my crew wanted to help them, but because it’s the right thing to do. It’s the Christian thing to do. I couldn’t leave them battered and beaten to just be…taken again by another ship. How could anyone decent justify that? When I made that choice I made the decision to, like with Rallus and with Janus, accept the consequences.
Thankfully the consequences from Command are almost non-existant. At least for right now. Ashkeph seemed to not be in the best mood, but after the squadron meeting I had the chance to talk to Perim. She seemed to understand and gave me some…under the table advice on reporting to make sure I don’t make things more difficult for the Zantaari.
I’m worried about them. We’re essentially keeping them sequestered. I’m doing my best with what I have on hand. Sara’s problems on DS515 with the Lekaari refugee crisis mean she’s been invaluable counsel … I’m trying my hardest to take their culture into consideration.
What makes it really fucked Tau winces as he curses, uncharacteristically bitter in tone is that their cultural understanding that we’re deities is something I can’t just dismiss. I tried with their leader and Ooog is just positive letting his people know we’re not is a bad idea. So it's by omission, but…it’s an affront to God. I’m letting them call me a ‘Godman’ and it chews me the hell up.
The man lets the rosary fall around his wrist and sets the top of his head in his hands, groaning. The frustrated sound turns into a tired laugh
What’s best for me isn’t the concern though. I’m asking a lot of all the people under me and for their ease of mind I've got to be...completely confident in this course of action.
there's a long pause as he looks down at the floor, face clearing up a bit
Maybe Father Michaels can make some time for me tonight. Computer end log.
7 Likes
>audio recording start
>>stardate 93132.5
It's a little messy but slowly, things with the Zaanatari are improving. I've set a plan up with their ruling council to remove this understanding that we're 'Godmen' ... it's a relatively new cultural belief, since their cataclysm. It can happen. My choice to remove them from their planet hasn't been popular or well-received by quite a few people, but it's what was best and safest for everyone involved, in my opinion.
While we're focused on resettling and supplying them - something that, thank God, Andre's been behind - I heard that a rogue Klingon fleet breached our borders and attacked.
For a few minutes I was actually terrified that another Klingon war was starting. Now, especially, that I'm with Sadia, the idea of ever going to war against them again is maddening. It turns out it was another rogue Fleet, like the strike forces Sadia's dealt with in her region of space.
Got me thinking though, exactly what will I do if we ever go back to war? What will she do?
Sadia's a warrior. I'm not, my time on the frontlines has worn me out for it. I'm done with that. Would we both retire and start our farm early? Would her bloodlust let her?
Finally going to be back with her in a few weeks. It's probably worth asking.
End log.
>audio recording end
>>stardate 93132.5
It's a little messy but slowly, things with the Zaanatari are improving. I've set a plan up with their ruling council to remove this understanding that we're 'Godmen' ... it's a relatively new cultural belief, since their cataclysm. It can happen. My choice to remove them from their planet hasn't been popular or well-received by quite a few people, but it's what was best and safest for everyone involved, in my opinion.
While we're focused on resettling and supplying them - something that, thank God, Andre's been behind - I heard that a rogue Klingon fleet breached our borders and attacked.
For a few minutes I was actually terrified that another Klingon war was starting. Now, especially, that I'm with Sadia, the idea of ever going to war against them again is maddening. It turns out it was another rogue Fleet, like the strike forces Sadia's dealt with in her region of space.
Got me thinking though, exactly what will I do if we ever go back to war? What will she do?
Sadia's a warrior. I'm not, my time on the frontlines has worn me out for it. I'm done with that. Would we both retire and start our farm early? Would her bloodlust let her?
Finally going to be back with her in a few weeks. It's probably worth asking.
End log.
>audio recording end
8 Likes
Tau leans back in a chair, looking like it's very comfortable and made of black leather. the lighting of the room around him is soft and tinted red. dressed in a loose black button up shirt and dark slacks, he pats at a large targ at his feet as the log opens
Hey, so things have gone pretty well since I arrived here at 151. I've been staying in Sadia's suite on base which is actually pretty nice. She has a real bed unlike the other Klingons and I thank God for that every morning. he stops petting the big Targ and leans back, shaking his head with a laugh I couldn't handle that. My back couldn't handle that.
It's been great, having a chance to try to unwind. Spend time with her. When I arrived she was actually here to greet me then out the door. Turns out... he shifts in the seat and sets a socked foot atop the tusked animal, which seems to be asleep Starbase Archer came under attack by borg. Miki's base.
It's a little terrifying to know they made it out here. It sounds like the casualties were minimal, which means it couldn't have been a huge attack. It's got me feeling really antsy out here now without a ship. If the Breen attack, or the Borg, I'm off-duty and out of uniform. It would be a major problem.
Sadia's trying to get me not to worry. She wants me to really take a load off, but she says that while commanding a task force and not taking a day off.
he rubs at his jaw
Messes with a guy. We're making plans for a week on Risa in a few months though. Thinking a mountain retreat. Somewhere she can't be the warrior queen she is, where I can just sequester her away and make HER take a load off.
As much as I love this leave, I'm really looking forward to getting the Zantaari on their way to a new home. I'm seeing that the survey reports are coming back in but my access is limited out here, away from official terminals.
I want to get Ooog and his people off the base and into a new home.
he smiles and reaches out to turn the camera off
Hey, so things have gone pretty well since I arrived here at 151. I've been staying in Sadia's suite on base which is actually pretty nice. She has a real bed unlike the other Klingons and I thank God for that every morning. he stops petting the big Targ and leans back, shaking his head with a laugh I couldn't handle that. My back couldn't handle that.
It's been great, having a chance to try to unwind. Spend time with her. When I arrived she was actually here to greet me then out the door. Turns out... he shifts in the seat and sets a socked foot atop the tusked animal, which seems to be asleep Starbase Archer came under attack by borg. Miki's base.
It's a little terrifying to know they made it out here. It sounds like the casualties were minimal, which means it couldn't have been a huge attack. It's got me feeling really antsy out here now without a ship. If the Breen attack, or the Borg, I'm off-duty and out of uniform. It would be a major problem.
Sadia's trying to get me not to worry. She wants me to really take a load off, but she says that while commanding a task force and not taking a day off.
he rubs at his jaw
Messes with a guy. We're making plans for a week on Risa in a few months though. Thinking a mountain retreat. Somewhere she can't be the warrior queen she is, where I can just sequester her away and make HER take a load off.
As much as I love this leave, I'm really looking forward to getting the Zantaari on their way to a new home. I'm seeing that the survey reports are coming back in but my access is limited out here, away from official terminals.
I want to get Ooog and his people off the base and into a new home.
he smiles and reaches out to turn the camera off
3 Likes
>audio recording start
>>stardate 93274.1
Yesterday was the first time I've been able to attend a mass on Palm Sunday in years. Back in the Eleventh, I attended holo-mass but it wasn't the same. We have people here, real people and the difference that makes is staggering.
This week I'm really finding myself in a wonderful place.
I'm working hard not to focus in on this too much, but I've managed to pull back on my counseling sessions to once a week now. It doesn't mean I'm better. I'm not fixed, and I've come to the understanding that it's a matter of coping and accepting the things that have happened.
Overcoming things, not forgetting them.
When I sit here and I think about all of the issues that I found myself buried under the last few years ... the Breen and Janus, Rallus, the Elachi, the Command issues, N'hiara ... it's important to realize that there's no shame in how long it's taking me to recover.
Being in command of others it's really easy to feel inadequate with that idea. You're supposed to be the one in charge, the one who has his stuff all sorted, the one who can jump in the deep end and come out showing his people how to swim the best and fastest and safest.
It's really helped me to remember: moja pele o tshwana le moja morago. It's not a race. I have to remember it's not a race.
>recording stop
>recording start
My time with Sadia this past few weeks was needed. Living among the Klingons is weird, it's a little difficult when you're not that kind of aggressive person. There's a lot of posturing just to make sure you don't piss off some Nausicaan by not showing him the proper amount of disrespect? It's weird.
Seeing her in her element is beautiful, though.
I would have liked to be able to have her with me for Easter so I can show her what else is most important to me. We can broach that another year, I guess.
Wiiith the Zantaari we are golden. Everything is looking perfectly on track! Ooog is going to be able to lead his people soon from some place safe, some place they won't be exploited. Some place we can make sure they can live better lives.
Maybe that's not what Starfleet is about - that's a fair critique in a lot of ways - in almost any other scenario I'd be majorly concerned.
They deserve it though. All the prayer and hard work is paying off. I'm really proud of my people.
End log.
>>stardate 93274.1
Yesterday was the first time I've been able to attend a mass on Palm Sunday in years. Back in the Eleventh, I attended holo-mass but it wasn't the same. We have people here, real people and the difference that makes is staggering.
This week I'm really finding myself in a wonderful place.
I'm working hard not to focus in on this too much, but I've managed to pull back on my counseling sessions to once a week now. It doesn't mean I'm better. I'm not fixed, and I've come to the understanding that it's a matter of coping and accepting the things that have happened.
Overcoming things, not forgetting them.
When I sit here and I think about all of the issues that I found myself buried under the last few years ... the Breen and Janus, Rallus, the Elachi, the Command issues, N'hiara ... it's important to realize that there's no shame in how long it's taking me to recover.
Being in command of others it's really easy to feel inadequate with that idea. You're supposed to be the one in charge, the one who has his stuff all sorted, the one who can jump in the deep end and come out showing his people how to swim the best and fastest and safest.
It's really helped me to remember: moja pele o tshwana le moja morago. It's not a race. I have to remember it's not a race.
>recording stop
>recording start
My time with Sadia this past few weeks was needed. Living among the Klingons is weird, it's a little difficult when you're not that kind of aggressive person. There's a lot of posturing just to make sure you don't piss off some Nausicaan by not showing him the proper amount of disrespect? It's weird.
Seeing her in her element is beautiful, though.
I would have liked to be able to have her with me for Easter so I can show her what else is most important to me. We can broach that another year, I guess.
Wiiith the Zantaari we are golden. Everything is looking perfectly on track! Ooog is going to be able to lead his people soon from some place safe, some place they won't be exploited. Some place we can make sure they can live better lives.
Maybe that's not what Starfleet is about - that's a fair critique in a lot of ways - in almost any other scenario I'd be majorly concerned.
They deserve it though. All the prayer and hard work is paying off. I'm really proud of my people.
End log.
7 Likes
>>Recipient: Commander Thato Thiessen, Starbase 211
>Outgoing transmission copied
Mme,
Dumela!
I just realized today as I was going over some PaDDwork that I never actually checked in with you on Easter. I'm really, really sorry about that.
We've been wrapping up a project over here involving a refugee resettlement project. It's been kind of my charge, and until the people began to move off the base I've been preoccupied. Station Captain, Freeman, he went to oversee the resettlement so hey! The base is mine. For now.
There's a church here, actually, so I've been able to actually feel like a decent person this year. Not skulking around in holo-cathedrals with Admiral Romar (ugh) while he prattles on calling me family. This year, things have been peaceful and happy. For the most part.
Did the girls have a good Easter? I miss them.
Miss you and Ntate, too. Been thinking about coming to visit. Maybe I can secure some time off additionally, after Risa. Bring Sadia by to finally really meet you all, take her to Earth, hit some of the sights. Stuff's a lot better though now, Mme. A lot better. Finally really sorting through some of the problems and I think I'm hitting that stride again. I don't know that I'll make Captain anytime soon but it's worth a shot to keep it open.
Hey in good news, I had a beer with one of our Admirals the other day! Younger lady than me, if you can believe it. Neema Perim. She's sweet and quiet. I think I really like her. Got a little long-winded relating some stuff about the Eleventh but she didn't seem to mind too much. Guess I'll know if she did if I find myself demoted, hah. It's weird to have a drink with an Admiral in your own command. Was fun though.
Not sure I can go back to a ship after what's happened, that's the real clincher and problem. I really like station life. Guess the Iconians kind of ruined that for me, maybe I ruined it for me, but either way it's cool. Maybe I can find a station command of my own eventually - permanently.
I'm thinking maybe that's what I want. I could use your advice, Mme. Please don't hold back.
Ke a go rata -
-T
>Outgoing transmission copied
Mme,
Dumela!
I just realized today as I was going over some PaDDwork that I never actually checked in with you on Easter. I'm really, really sorry about that.
We've been wrapping up a project over here involving a refugee resettlement project. It's been kind of my charge, and until the people began to move off the base I've been preoccupied. Station Captain, Freeman, he went to oversee the resettlement so hey! The base is mine. For now.
There's a church here, actually, so I've been able to actually feel like a decent person this year. Not skulking around in holo-cathedrals with Admiral Romar (ugh) while he prattles on calling me family. This year, things have been peaceful and happy. For the most part.
Did the girls have a good Easter? I miss them.
Miss you and Ntate, too. Been thinking about coming to visit. Maybe I can secure some time off additionally, after Risa. Bring Sadia by to finally really meet you all, take her to Earth, hit some of the sights. Stuff's a lot better though now, Mme. A lot better. Finally really sorting through some of the problems and I think I'm hitting that stride again. I don't know that I'll make Captain anytime soon but it's worth a shot to keep it open.
Hey in good news, I had a beer with one of our Admirals the other day! Younger lady than me, if you can believe it. Neema Perim. She's sweet and quiet. I think I really like her. Got a little long-winded relating some stuff about the Eleventh but she didn't seem to mind too much. Guess I'll know if she did if I find myself demoted, hah. It's weird to have a drink with an Admiral in your own command. Was fun though.
Not sure I can go back to a ship after what's happened, that's the real clincher and problem. I really like station life. Guess the Iconians kind of ruined that for me, maybe I ruined it for me, but either way it's cool. Maybe I can find a station command of my own eventually - permanently.
I'm thinking maybe that's what I want. I could use your advice, Mme. Please don't hold back.
Ke a go rata -
-T
9 Likes
>>text entry
Cell C-75, Prison Deck, RRW Arhae. Writing this so I remember. Subcommander Maiell handed me a PADD of letters, all of the letters N'hiara and I sent one another.
She's in for treason.
I'm pretty sure in the Republic that's a death sentence. What happened.
She kept them, though, the letters, and whatever's happened he respects her enough to allow me this visit. For her.
N'hi, what the Hell did you do.
The awards ceremony is today, so game face on, man. Promising to be much better than the last one I attended and I'm really looking forward to seeing others get their commendations and awards.
Really, I am.
Cell C-75, Prison Deck, RRW Arhae. Writing this so I remember. Subcommander Maiell handed me a PADD of letters, all of the letters N'hiara and I sent one another.
She's in for treason.
I'm pretty sure in the Republic that's a death sentence. What happened.
She kept them, though, the letters, and whatever's happened he respects her enough to allow me this visit. For her.
N'hi, what the Hell did you do.
The awards ceremony is today, so game face on, man. Promising to be much better than the last one I attended and I'm really looking forward to seeing others get their commendations and awards.
Really, I am.
Spoiler: Letter 26Show
To: Commander N'hiara
From: Commander Thiessen
Subj: Breen
Nhi,
With your other ships here, I know you know about the Breen and the face that we're going in to battle.
It's entirely possible I could lose my ship or my life in this battle. You know what the Breen could do.
If and when I make it out alive, I look forward to sitting down with you over a meal. I'd like to work out expectations you have of me, yourself, and whatever relationship we've built between ourselves. I'm looking for a commited relationship to some degree, but if you're viewing things different...either way,
I won't lie to you...tonight is a night I likely won't spend alone. I don't know if I can. I've been finding myself wondering your expectations, and if you are humoring my requests as a human of interest, or what you expect.
It's because I respect you I won't lie to you. If I die, I want to spend the night before the battle, intimately with someone I am close to and is at hand. Whatever expectations might be, know that this decision was weighed heavily. I'm lonely and grieving over a life I might not lose.
You've probably been in that situation many times.
If you get this and I've been lost, please know what a deep affection I've developed for you. You're a lovely woman.
If you get this and I'm alive, all the better. Embarrassing, but we can speak about it like the mature people we are and move forward.
God bless you, N'hi.
-Tau
From: Commander Thiessen
Subj: Breen
Nhi,
With your other ships here, I know you know about the Breen and the face that we're going in to battle.
It's entirely possible I could lose my ship or my life in this battle. You know what the Breen could do.
If and when I make it out alive, I look forward to sitting down with you over a meal. I'd like to work out expectations you have of me, yourself, and whatever relationship we've built between ourselves. I'm looking for a commited relationship to some degree, but if you're viewing things different...either way,
I won't lie to you...tonight is a night I likely won't spend alone. I don't know if I can. I've been finding myself wondering your expectations, and if you are humoring my requests as a human of interest, or what you expect.
It's because I respect you I won't lie to you. If I die, I want to spend the night before the battle, intimately with someone I am close to and is at hand. Whatever expectations might be, know that this decision was weighed heavily. I'm lonely and grieving over a life I might not lose.
You've probably been in that situation many times.
If you get this and I've been lost, please know what a deep affection I've developed for you. You're a lovely woman.
If you get this and I'm alive, all the better. Embarrassing, but we can speak about it like the mature people we are and move forward.
God bless you, N'hi.
-Tau
Spoiler: Letter 27Show
To: Commander N'hiara
From: Commander Thiessen
Subj: RE: Breen
Obviously, I survived. Lost Janus and a good chunk of my crew, and I'm awaiting the JAG's arrival to work my case over. It's an ongoing push to get back to some sense of normalcy.
For what it's worth, we do still need to talk. I've been a bit of a chickenshit with you. (like that colorful colloquialism? I don't know why it's a chicken's shit)
Take care of yourself, Nhi. I hope you're healing quickly. We'll talk soon.
>>attached file 1: Major_Mars
>>attached file 2: Space_Western_Comics
-T
From: Commander Thiessen
Subj: RE: Breen
Obviously, I survived. Lost Janus and a good chunk of my crew, and I'm awaiting the JAG's arrival to work my case over. It's an ongoing push to get back to some sense of normalcy.
For what it's worth, we do still need to talk. I've been a bit of a chickenshit with you. (like that colorful colloquialism? I don't know why it's a chicken's shit)
Take care of yourself, Nhi. I hope you're healing quickly. We'll talk soon.
>>attached file 1: Major_Mars
>>attached file 2: Space_Western_Comics
-T
Spoiler: Letter 28Show
TO: Commander Thiessen
FROM: Commander N'hiara
RE: Breen
You will have to accept my utmost forgiveness for my inability to submit a timely reply to you. Suffice to say, my injuries were significant enough to force me to be transferred to one of our more significant medical facilities. Please, though, do not worry for my current status. I am quite fine, and am likely to return to regular duty in the coming days.
I also understand you suffered a loss of your vessel. I am... relieved to hear you're still alive, as I know full well the cruelty of war, and the cruelty of Breen in particular. As someone wise once said, evil knows evil, and we certainly know what they are capable of. As for what you're going through, especially over the loss of the vessel, I cannot offer you much, save for words of support I offered people like you during the Dominion War.
Many of us will perish, be it through actions we feel were necessary, or through the simple chaos
conflict is. If you feel remorse for those lost with actions you took, then you have a conscience, and you needn't worry about any consequences what will happen. People, regardless of their origin, are capable of understanding what you did, and will afford you understanding.
Moving beyond old sentiments, I will endeavor to come parlay with you in the coming days. As for 'chickenshit', I have no idea what that is, but I am pretty sure you have not been anything of the sort. Until that moment of fraternization, please take care, and please accept my sentiments for the heavy infliction you must surely be suffering.
Your Friend and Enemy,
N'hiara
FROM: Commander N'hiara
RE: Breen
You will have to accept my utmost forgiveness for my inability to submit a timely reply to you. Suffice to say, my injuries were significant enough to force me to be transferred to one of our more significant medical facilities. Please, though, do not worry for my current status. I am quite fine, and am likely to return to regular duty in the coming days.
I also understand you suffered a loss of your vessel. I am... relieved to hear you're still alive, as I know full well the cruelty of war, and the cruelty of Breen in particular. As someone wise once said, evil knows evil, and we certainly know what they are capable of. As for what you're going through, especially over the loss of the vessel, I cannot offer you much, save for words of support I offered people like you during the Dominion War.
Many of us will perish, be it through actions we feel were necessary, or through the simple chaos
conflict is. If you feel remorse for those lost with actions you took, then you have a conscience, and you needn't worry about any consequences what will happen. People, regardless of their origin, are capable of understanding what you did, and will afford you understanding.
Moving beyond old sentiments, I will endeavor to come parlay with you in the coming days. As for 'chickenshit', I have no idea what that is, but I am pretty sure you have not been anything of the sort. Until that moment of fraternization, please take care, and please accept my sentiments for the heavy infliction you must surely be suffering.
Your Friend and Enemy,
N'hiara
Spoiler: Letter 29Show
To: CDR N'hiara
From: CDR Thiessen
Subject: Back to work
N'hi,
I wanted to check in, see how you're doing.
Vorras said you've made a full recovery, but it was a hard time for all of us.
So...how are you holding up? After you tell your testimony to JAG - if the Elachi permit the downtime and you're on the station - I'd like to have you over for dinner. Unless you rather wouldn't of course.
Give our enemies Hell,
-Tau
P.s. If you found any comfort in the rosary I handed off to you, you can keep it. No shame if you didn't, but I want you to keep it if it gained sort of meaning to you for any reason. It means something special to me, but it's not my only one.
God bless.
From: CDR Thiessen
Subject: Back to work
N'hi,
I wanted to check in, see how you're doing.
Vorras said you've made a full recovery, but it was a hard time for all of us.
So...how are you holding up? After you tell your testimony to JAG - if the Elachi permit the downtime and you're on the station - I'd like to have you over for dinner. Unless you rather wouldn't of course.
Give our enemies Hell,
-Tau
P.s. If you found any comfort in the rosary I handed off to you, you can keep it. No shame if you didn't, but I want you to keep it if it gained sort of meaning to you for any reason. It means something special to me, but it's not my only one.
God bless.
Spoiler: Letter 30Show
To: CDR N'hiara
From: CDR Thiessen
Subject: RE: Back to work
Don't respond to this, it's not necessary. I don't want to make this investigation harder.
Just know I'm worried about you?
Be well N'hi
-T
From: CDR Thiessen
Subject: RE: Back to work
Don't respond to this, it's not necessary. I don't want to make this investigation harder.
Just know I'm worried about you?
Be well N'hi
-T
Spoiler: Letter 31Show
To: CDR N'hiara
From: CDR Thiessen
Subject: RE: RE: Back to work
...the investigation being officially concluded, now, would you like to meet to talk? Maybe on Baldur?
-T
From: CDR Thiessen
Subject: RE: RE: Back to work
...the investigation being officially concluded, now, would you like to meet to talk? Maybe on Baldur?
-T
Spoiler: Letter 32Show
TO: Commander Thiessen
FROM: Commander N'hiara
RE: Back to Work
Tau,
I'd prefer not on the ship, at this time. But yes, I figure we will need to talk. I will see you soon.
Signed,
Commander N'hiara
FROM: Commander N'hiara
RE: Back to Work
Tau,
I'd prefer not on the ship, at this time. But yes, I figure we will need to talk. I will see you soon.
Signed,
Commander N'hiara
Spoiler: Letter 33Show
To: Commander N’hiara
From: Commander Thiessen
N’hiara,
It’s apparent that this situation is causing more trouble than it should.
You have my honest and most sincere apologies if I offended you in the conference room. My intention was to express to you how attractive I found you and that I do care for you, but after a few days of reflection I’ve pieced through our conversation and come to some conclusions.
We’re simply not compatible on any level beyond one of friendship.
Maybe we aren’t friends; perhaps you haven’t seen it that way. I have, N’hiara and for what it is worth everything I have said to you regarding your past and wanting to know you were very true. They were, to use the human expression, from the heart.
It’s apparent though that we both want something different. You can’t respect me if I can’t show the level of (again, human terms) ‘ruthless’ leadership you feel is necessary in those situations. I need someone who is willing to open up to me and allow me to support them in return and help relieve their burdens.
Obviously, we can’t do those things for one another. You have your way and I have mine, and maybe on a casual level and a physical level we’re compatible. Not anything beyond that, unless I’m reading something wrong.
Which is obviously why I wanted to try to avoid a committed relationship and I should have stuck to my initial idea about this. Maybe I let myself get blind to our cultural differences and the age gap between myself and you. I’m not sure.
I hope that despite this we can remain friendly. If you wish to keep my rosary, I do want you to have it. I still care for you, N’hiara. I likely will continue to, though it’s a deep fondness that will remain level unless you change your mind and things become more feasible. I set the ball in your court on that aspect.
We probably should speak about this in person, but if I didn’t get this out I was going to eat my own tongue. Figuratively, naturally. On top of everything else, the fact that my sex life has (for some damn reason) become bar-talk recently doesn’t reflect well on you as a Romulan and an officer and separating you from me in that regard is also the most diplomatic thing I can think of to do.
The rumors about Sadia and I are true, obviously. You’ve known from when I lose the Janus I’ve been with her before. I needed someone beside me for emotional and physical support. It sounds weak, and maybe I am weak, but the Elachi tore my foundation out from under me, N’hiara. She was there to help me reconstruct some solid ground so that I could return to duty without going batty. All it reflects on is your absence, not your character.
I know you were looking for an intelligence in our lost conversation that was lost out behind my emotion. I hope this shows you that it is still there. I hope it’s what you were searching for and that when you’re back in the area we can discuss this calmly if we need to discuss it.
God bless you,
-Tau
From: Commander Thiessen
N’hiara,
It’s apparent that this situation is causing more trouble than it should.
You have my honest and most sincere apologies if I offended you in the conference room. My intention was to express to you how attractive I found you and that I do care for you, but after a few days of reflection I’ve pieced through our conversation and come to some conclusions.
We’re simply not compatible on any level beyond one of friendship.
Maybe we aren’t friends; perhaps you haven’t seen it that way. I have, N’hiara and for what it is worth everything I have said to you regarding your past and wanting to know you were very true. They were, to use the human expression, from the heart.
It’s apparent though that we both want something different. You can’t respect me if I can’t show the level of (again, human terms) ‘ruthless’ leadership you feel is necessary in those situations. I need someone who is willing to open up to me and allow me to support them in return and help relieve their burdens.
Obviously, we can’t do those things for one another. You have your way and I have mine, and maybe on a casual level and a physical level we’re compatible. Not anything beyond that, unless I’m reading something wrong.
Which is obviously why I wanted to try to avoid a committed relationship and I should have stuck to my initial idea about this. Maybe I let myself get blind to our cultural differences and the age gap between myself and you. I’m not sure.
I hope that despite this we can remain friendly. If you wish to keep my rosary, I do want you to have it. I still care for you, N’hiara. I likely will continue to, though it’s a deep fondness that will remain level unless you change your mind and things become more feasible. I set the ball in your court on that aspect.
We probably should speak about this in person, but if I didn’t get this out I was going to eat my own tongue. Figuratively, naturally. On top of everything else, the fact that my sex life has (for some damn reason) become bar-talk recently doesn’t reflect well on you as a Romulan and an officer and separating you from me in that regard is also the most diplomatic thing I can think of to do.
The rumors about Sadia and I are true, obviously. You’ve known from when I lose the Janus I’ve been with her before. I needed someone beside me for emotional and physical support. It sounds weak, and maybe I am weak, but the Elachi tore my foundation out from under me, N’hiara. She was there to help me reconstruct some solid ground so that I could return to duty without going batty. All it reflects on is your absence, not your character.
I know you were looking for an intelligence in our lost conversation that was lost out behind my emotion. I hope this shows you that it is still there. I hope it’s what you were searching for and that when you’re back in the area we can discuss this calmly if we need to discuss it.
God bless you,
-Tau
Spoiler: Letter 34Show
TO: Commander Thiessen
FROM: Commander N'hiara
Tau,
Your apology is received and accepted, and you have my utmost appreciation for granting me it. I am certain it took a considerable amount of energy for you to offer me an apology. As well, I am sure your intentions were honest, though I admit I am much too proud to admit my assessments might have been incorrect during the discussion.
What is correct, though, is your assessment about our infatuation. We are not compatible, and I knew a discussion like the one we had was inevitable. I was deluded enough to believe, somehow, it would work out, but it is clear it is not.
I believe the word 'ruthless' was utilized in your letter to me, and you are right: you are not ruthless like us, nor should you be. We are ruthless because it guarantees the survival of our state, and our people. The idea of not being ruthless, especially during a time of immense crisis, is foreign to us. People like you have the luxury of falling back on your morality. We do not. A compatriot once said "ruthlessness is the mercy of the wise." With what you have seen from us,specifically me, I hope you understand the weight of this phrase, and how it applies to me.
You also said you wish for me to open up to you. Perhaps in another universe, where either you or me serves the same ideals, this might be possible. But it is impossible here. You do not WANT to know half of the actions I have taken under my career. You claim the past can be forgiven, but it is not so. There is too much mud on my hands, and I would not dare have an honest person bear the brunt of my tales. I hope you understand. And if you note, perhaps we can discuss this in the future.
We can, of course, remain friendly, and I believe it is essential that we do so. This is the first, and perhaps only time, we will be able to speak as friends. One day, our people's ideologies will become incompatible once more, and we will be forced to the state of tension we have known since the earliest encounters between Romulans and the Federation.
If you desire, I am still open for another discussion. I imagine, given the contents of our letters, there will be no further need for either of our ire with our words. I think we can call each other friends, and I would like to have made friends with my enemies. It is, after all, important to understand the beliefs and convictions of the enemy. For this reason, I hope we can talk to each other gain in the future. I imagine, and hope, I'll see you soon.
Long Roads to You,
N'hiara
FROM: Commander N'hiara
Tau,
Your apology is received and accepted, and you have my utmost appreciation for granting me it. I am certain it took a considerable amount of energy for you to offer me an apology. As well, I am sure your intentions were honest, though I admit I am much too proud to admit my assessments might have been incorrect during the discussion.
What is correct, though, is your assessment about our infatuation. We are not compatible, and I knew a discussion like the one we had was inevitable. I was deluded enough to believe, somehow, it would work out, but it is clear it is not.
I believe the word 'ruthless' was utilized in your letter to me, and you are right: you are not ruthless like us, nor should you be. We are ruthless because it guarantees the survival of our state, and our people. The idea of not being ruthless, especially during a time of immense crisis, is foreign to us. People like you have the luxury of falling back on your morality. We do not. A compatriot once said "ruthlessness is the mercy of the wise." With what you have seen from us,specifically me, I hope you understand the weight of this phrase, and how it applies to me.
You also said you wish for me to open up to you. Perhaps in another universe, where either you or me serves the same ideals, this might be possible. But it is impossible here. You do not WANT to know half of the actions I have taken under my career. You claim the past can be forgiven, but it is not so. There is too much mud on my hands, and I would not dare have an honest person bear the brunt of my tales. I hope you understand. And if you note, perhaps we can discuss this in the future.
We can, of course, remain friendly, and I believe it is essential that we do so. This is the first, and perhaps only time, we will be able to speak as friends. One day, our people's ideologies will become incompatible once more, and we will be forced to the state of tension we have known since the earliest encounters between Romulans and the Federation.
If you desire, I am still open for another discussion. I imagine, given the contents of our letters, there will be no further need for either of our ire with our words. I think we can call each other friends, and I would like to have made friends with my enemies. It is, after all, important to understand the beliefs and convictions of the enemy. For this reason, I hope we can talk to each other gain in the future. I imagine, and hope, I'll see you soon.
Long Roads to You,
N'hiara
7 Likes
>audio recording start
>>stardate 93336.7
Tau's voice is quiet and more subdued than usual
This was the first award ceremony in a long time I was excited for. Sadia surprised me with a visit, everything was really looking up, right? Despite N'hi's situation it was ... it was an exciting night.
I got awards. Another pair of ribbons to add to the stack. I went to go put them away and then joined the party. And then, the explosion happened.
there is a long, pervasive silence before he speaks again
I didn't act immediately. It was shocking, and it took me too long to get it into gear. There was smoke, lots of it, and when Captain Koniecsko and I got to the site, there was Freeman. It was bad. It was really bad. The Captain got down to try to help but it ...
Took me a second to realize what was going on. I didn't recognize it was Freeman, at first, with the damage. The Romulan, I saw, but Freeman was ... it took other people realizing it was him for me to actually understand and accept.
The part I am having the damndest time living with is stepping over him. Walking right over his body. He was dead. He was very dead and I wasn't going to be able to change that. With him dead, they needed me in Ops, no question. I had to go.
the silence returns. when he speaks again, this time Tau's voice is unsteady and quiet
Out of all of it, it's that part that really upsets me. It's stupid to feel like I abandoned him, but that's how it feels. I did everything I could, and my people- they did a wonderful job. The terrorists ended their lives. We have a freighter full of slaughtered civilians but the second bomb was stopped. A lot of casualties were still stopped.
...I just can't get the fact that I stepped over him out of my head. It's weird.
Andre was a good man, and a great CO. The crew is taking it hard, as you would expect, and I'm doing everything I know how to be supportive and set things up so that maybe it isn't so hard to move forward.
he clears his throat
When I sat down here I thought this would help but I don't think it is. Not right now. Maybe later.
I can't do this right now.
End log.
>>stardate 93336.7
Tau's voice is quiet and more subdued than usual
This was the first award ceremony in a long time I was excited for. Sadia surprised me with a visit, everything was really looking up, right? Despite N'hi's situation it was ... it was an exciting night.
I got awards. Another pair of ribbons to add to the stack. I went to go put them away and then joined the party. And then, the explosion happened.
there is a long, pervasive silence before he speaks again
I didn't act immediately. It was shocking, and it took me too long to get it into gear. There was smoke, lots of it, and when Captain Koniecsko and I got to the site, there was Freeman. It was bad. It was really bad. The Captain got down to try to help but it ...
Took me a second to realize what was going on. I didn't recognize it was Freeman, at first, with the damage. The Romulan, I saw, but Freeman was ... it took other people realizing it was him for me to actually understand and accept.
The part I am having the damndest time living with is stepping over him. Walking right over his body. He was dead. He was very dead and I wasn't going to be able to change that. With him dead, they needed me in Ops, no question. I had to go.
the silence returns. when he speaks again, this time Tau's voice is unsteady and quiet
Out of all of it, it's that part that really upsets me. It's stupid to feel like I abandoned him, but that's how it feels. I did everything I could, and my people- they did a wonderful job. The terrorists ended their lives. We have a freighter full of slaughtered civilians but the second bomb was stopped. A lot of casualties were still stopped.
...I just can't get the fact that I stepped over him out of my head. It's weird.
Andre was a good man, and a great CO. The crew is taking it hard, as you would expect, and I'm doing everything I know how to be supportive and set things up so that maybe it isn't so hard to move forward.
he clears his throat
When I sat down here I thought this would help but I don't think it is. Not right now. Maybe later.
I can't do this right now.
End log.
15 Likes
Spoiler: Late one evening ...Show
"Father Michaels, could you make some extra time for me tonight?"
"I think we can make it work, Tau."
"...could we make it work now?"
"Yes, of course. Of course. Come in. Would you like a drink?"
"No, Father, no. No thanks, I mean."
"I have to say I'm surprised I haven't seen you sooner. Imagine you've been busy."
"Yeah it's been kind of ... huh, hectic. Actually, not here to talk about Captain Freeman."
"Really?"
"Well, hey, you know - thought I'd give you some variety."
"You were there, as I've heard."
"Yeah."
"You're not here about that?"
"No."
"Then what do you want to talk about?"
"...this muffin looks awesome. Thanks. Uh, I'm actually here about...someone close to me is dying. Someone I can't talk about with other people. Not most."
"Do they attend here?"
"Oh, no. No, she's not religious. She's not human. Or she wasn't religious. I guess she's ... maybe she's spiritual, now. She's changing her views but that's because she's being faced with the end."
"That's common. When people are faced with the truth of their existence and the promise He gives-"
"Father, can I just tell you about her?"
"Thank you, Father. She's Romulan, and a lot older than me. She wouldn't ever tell me how old. Not noticeably, not...elderly, but she served in wars my parents served in. Romulan, you know?
"Back when we got together it was - I think our friend was trying to divert me off of my ex-girlfriend, because he was interested in her. I had helped the two of them kind of...get together, you know. It was on Risa, but it wasn't like people usually talk about with Risa. Or what, God help me, I've done on Risa.
"We stayed up all night playing war strategy games. Risk. You ever play Risk, father?
"Well it's fun. She trounced me but she had what, at least thirty years of military experience before I was born? At least. I hadn't ever started a relationship like that but ... she was different. Older, more mature, our attraction was more mental. More cerebral, intellectual, right?
"She could come off as cold. Really cold. Wasn't really great at expressing her feelings. We were close though and it went on for a long time. I cheated on her. Several times. I've asked for forgiveness for more times than I can count on that matter, father, but I was a lost man.
"A friend of mine told me once during a time of hardship that I measure my personal value through my relationships, specifically of the intimate nature. He wasn't wrong. I kept it from her, she never was concerned."
"What changed that? Did she find out about your infidelity?"
"Oh, she did, but that wasn't really the end of it.
"The whole thing came to an end after we were both part of a group taken as prisoners. During the Iconian War. They did some pretty horrific stuff to us, I was the only normal human. I broke first. Emotionally, mentally. Just shattered. Some of the people I was in with were willing to compromise their morality to try to escape, and I wouldn't let them, not as far as I could control it anyway.
"It got violent. Between me and other officers. It was terrible.
"...so, when we were rescued, she refused to speak to me. Yelled at me. We didn't speak or see one another for weeks. She wanted me to be more ruthless and Romulan under pressure, I had needed her to open up to me about her pain, and she wouldn't. So we split it off.
"It didn't end on a good note."
"You said she's not long for this world?"
"That's right, father. I'd really rather not say how, or why. But she's dying, and there's nothing I can do to stop it."
"She asked for you to come see her?"
"More like someone brought her to me and gifted me the chance. She's not in pain, not physically. Physically she's tired, but same as she ever was.
"She opened up to me. Finally. Now, at the end of everything, she decided to be honest. Excuse me, sorry. It's been a long week and I'm low on sleep.
"The, ah...the way we ended I thought she must despise me. She kept all of our letters, everything I sent her while we were together. She told me ...
"Could I get a tissue? Thanks, father. Ah, she told me that she sees the positivity in the universe now. She never did before, she was conditioned to see and handle the ... difficulties, in life. She told me that she loved me, which I'd never heard. Romulans don't believe in life after death like we do, you know? It's...different. She said now, she's changed her opinion.
"She believes she'll move on beyond death and that she's more than just what she is. Now, here. She wants to believe that she'll experience happiness in death she couldn't because of that damn...excuse me father, that Romulan sense of pride and duty.
"Guh. Excuse me, father, I should go. I'm overtired, I guess, sorry for..."
"Don't be ashamed. You know I won't tell anyone. You have my full confidence, what we speak about is between us and the Lord."
"I trust you father, of courseI do. I just need you to know that this, this whole mess that is me, doesn't mean I can't keep the people of this station safe. People don't need to know my personal problems. Especially right now. With losing Andre, Captain Freeman I mean, it's - they don't need to know. I don't want them to have any idea.
"You know the last thing she said to me? I swear it was a quote from this book I read as a kid. The Little Prince. She looked at me in a way I've never seen her open up before, and said to me, 'To me, you will be unique in all the universe. To you, I shall be unique in all the universe.'.
"...sorry, uh, can I get a few more tiss- thanks. Just - pray for her with me, won't you? I can't give you her name, father, I want to. I can't. Wish to God I could."
"Of course. You can stay if you like, you know that."
"Thanks, father, but...I've got to get back to my office. There's a lot to do. I'm...I'll come back when things are less hectic. Give you a real conversation."
"Then God's blessing on you, Tau. You're not alone."
"Go siame, father."
"I think we can make it work, Tau."
"...could we make it work now?"
"Yes, of course. Of course. Come in. Would you like a drink?"
"No, Father, no. No thanks, I mean."
"I have to say I'm surprised I haven't seen you sooner. Imagine you've been busy."
"Yeah it's been kind of ... huh, hectic. Actually, not here to talk about Captain Freeman."
"Really?"
"Well, hey, you know - thought I'd give you some variety."
"You were there, as I've heard."
"Yeah."
"You're not here about that?"
"No."
"Then what do you want to talk about?"
"...this muffin looks awesome. Thanks. Uh, I'm actually here about...someone close to me is dying. Someone I can't talk about with other people. Not most."
"Do they attend here?"
"Oh, no. No, she's not religious. She's not human. Or she wasn't religious. I guess she's ... maybe she's spiritual, now. She's changing her views but that's because she's being faced with the end."
"That's common. When people are faced with the truth of their existence and the promise He gives-"
"Father, can I just tell you about her?"
"Thank you, Father. She's Romulan, and a lot older than me. She wouldn't ever tell me how old. Not noticeably, not...elderly, but she served in wars my parents served in. Romulan, you know?
"Back when we got together it was - I think our friend was trying to divert me off of my ex-girlfriend, because he was interested in her. I had helped the two of them kind of...get together, you know. It was on Risa, but it wasn't like people usually talk about with Risa. Or what, God help me, I've done on Risa.
"We stayed up all night playing war strategy games. Risk. You ever play Risk, father?
"Well it's fun. She trounced me but she had what, at least thirty years of military experience before I was born? At least. I hadn't ever started a relationship like that but ... she was different. Older, more mature, our attraction was more mental. More cerebral, intellectual, right?
"She could come off as cold. Really cold. Wasn't really great at expressing her feelings. We were close though and it went on for a long time. I cheated on her. Several times. I've asked for forgiveness for more times than I can count on that matter, father, but I was a lost man.
"A friend of mine told me once during a time of hardship that I measure my personal value through my relationships, specifically of the intimate nature. He wasn't wrong. I kept it from her, she never was concerned."
"What changed that? Did she find out about your infidelity?"
"Oh, she did, but that wasn't really the end of it.
"The whole thing came to an end after we were both part of a group taken as prisoners. During the Iconian War. They did some pretty horrific stuff to us, I was the only normal human. I broke first. Emotionally, mentally. Just shattered. Some of the people I was in with were willing to compromise their morality to try to escape, and I wouldn't let them, not as far as I could control it anyway.
"It got violent. Between me and other officers. It was terrible.
"...so, when we were rescued, she refused to speak to me. Yelled at me. We didn't speak or see one another for weeks. She wanted me to be more ruthless and Romulan under pressure, I had needed her to open up to me about her pain, and she wouldn't. So we split it off.
"It didn't end on a good note."
"You said she's not long for this world?"
"That's right, father. I'd really rather not say how, or why. But she's dying, and there's nothing I can do to stop it."
"She asked for you to come see her?"
"More like someone brought her to me and gifted me the chance. She's not in pain, not physically. Physically she's tired, but same as she ever was.
"She opened up to me. Finally. Now, at the end of everything, she decided to be honest. Excuse me, sorry. It's been a long week and I'm low on sleep.
"The, ah...the way we ended I thought she must despise me. She kept all of our letters, everything I sent her while we were together. She told me ...
"Could I get a tissue? Thanks, father. Ah, she told me that she sees the positivity in the universe now. She never did before, she was conditioned to see and handle the ... difficulties, in life. She told me that she loved me, which I'd never heard. Romulans don't believe in life after death like we do, you know? It's...different. She said now, she's changed her opinion.
"She believes she'll move on beyond death and that she's more than just what she is. Now, here. She wants to believe that she'll experience happiness in death she couldn't because of that damn...excuse me father, that Romulan sense of pride and duty.
"Guh. Excuse me, father, I should go. I'm overtired, I guess, sorry for..."
"Don't be ashamed. You know I won't tell anyone. You have my full confidence, what we speak about is between us and the Lord."
"I trust you father, of courseI do. I just need you to know that this, this whole mess that is me, doesn't mean I can't keep the people of this station safe. People don't need to know my personal problems. Especially right now. With losing Andre, Captain Freeman I mean, it's - they don't need to know. I don't want them to have any idea.
"You know the last thing she said to me? I swear it was a quote from this book I read as a kid. The Little Prince. She looked at me in a way I've never seen her open up before, and said to me, 'To me, you will be unique in all the universe. To you, I shall be unique in all the universe.'.
"...sorry, uh, can I get a few more tiss- thanks. Just - pray for her with me, won't you? I can't give you her name, father, I want to. I can't. Wish to God I could."
"Of course. You can stay if you like, you know that."
"Thanks, father, but...I've got to get back to my office. There's a lot to do. I'm...I'll come back when things are less hectic. Give you a real conversation."
"Then God's blessing on you, Tau. You're not alone."
"Go siame, father."
7 Likes
>>text entry
I just received word from Commander Caspius that the mission was a success. Though he did tell me some officers became 'intoxicated' off of some potentially hallucinogenic plants. But they raided the base and they captured the leader of the group responsible for the attack.
Can't find the anger I expected to find. That's good really. I was angry at myself more than them, like I know Kozath has been. It's hard not to take some of the blame for yourself when you're stepping over the mangled body of a man you called a friend, then taking on his responsibilities. You start to wonder things about yourself.
Anton, Andre's brother, has all but demanded an explanation of me for his brother's death. Kozath and I ran over all sorts of security assessments, and at the end of the day we did everything right. That's frustrating. There wasn't a weak spot to exploit, other than this is not a fully military installation. We have civilians and civilian areas, and as much as I might want to protect the civilians with more armed guards that's just a bad idea.
Part of protecting peace is enforcing the concept of peace.
I hope we can handle these terrorists properly. We need to treat them better than they treated Andre, or the freighter crew, or the Commander and the Professor. They're going to know a kind of mercy they never would have known if we hadn't intervened.
I just received word from Commander Caspius that the mission was a success. Though he did tell me some officers became 'intoxicated' off of some potentially hallucinogenic plants. But they raided the base and they captured the leader of the group responsible for the attack.
Can't find the anger I expected to find. That's good really. I was angry at myself more than them, like I know Kozath has been. It's hard not to take some of the blame for yourself when you're stepping over the mangled body of a man you called a friend, then taking on his responsibilities. You start to wonder things about yourself.
Anton, Andre's brother, has all but demanded an explanation of me for his brother's death. Kozath and I ran over all sorts of security assessments, and at the end of the day we did everything right. That's frustrating. There wasn't a weak spot to exploit, other than this is not a fully military installation. We have civilians and civilian areas, and as much as I might want to protect the civilians with more armed guards that's just a bad idea.
Part of protecting peace is enforcing the concept of peace.
I hope we can handle these terrorists properly. We need to treat them better than they treated Andre, or the freighter crew, or the Commander and the Professor. They're going to know a kind of mercy they never would have known if we hadn't intervened.
| Luke 6:27-28 But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies! Do good to those who hate you. Bless those who curse you. Pray for those who hurt you. |
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>audio recording start
>>stardate 93355.2
For the first time since the attack, I had a good night and slept fully.
It was kind of a drunk sleep, so I'm not really all that well rested but it felt nice. Sara and Neema and I spent a lot of time relaxing, talking, drinking.
Tau chuckles, perhaps a little tiredly It's weird to call the Admiral by her first name, but Hell, she's my tennis partner now. Or will be in the future, possibly? Turns out we share some hobbies.
It was a weird night and a good night and it was the kind of unloading I needed. Just get out there and have a little fun, get your mind off the pressure you've been under. I haven't let the grief consume me, not like last time. Maybe this means by the time I hit the big four-oh I'll actually have a grasp on my emotional problems.
there's the sound of a grin to Tau's voice Or maybe I'm just being optimistic.
Either way, Caspius has been an amazing help. The station's running perfectly now, despite what happened. We're just about done packing up Andre's office for his family.
there's a long silence
And that's where my hesitation comes in. I suppose we leave it open for the next officially appointed C.O. I pray they'll allow me to keep the posting. Neema knows my thoughts on that, thank God, so I don't need to approach the issue any other way. That the command here knows my wishes on the matter and will judge the position based on how exactly fit the person is for the job.
I'll keep praying for Andre's family and for the rest of the people murdered that day. I accept, though, it's not my fault. It's time to remember and move on.
>>stardate 93355.2
For the first time since the attack, I had a good night and slept fully.
It was kind of a drunk sleep, so I'm not really all that well rested but it felt nice. Sara and Neema and I spent a lot of time relaxing, talking, drinking.
Tau chuckles, perhaps a little tiredly It's weird to call the Admiral by her first name, but Hell, she's my tennis partner now. Or will be in the future, possibly? Turns out we share some hobbies.
It was a weird night and a good night and it was the kind of unloading I needed. Just get out there and have a little fun, get your mind off the pressure you've been under. I haven't let the grief consume me, not like last time. Maybe this means by the time I hit the big four-oh I'll actually have a grasp on my emotional problems.
there's the sound of a grin to Tau's voice Or maybe I'm just being optimistic.
Either way, Caspius has been an amazing help. The station's running perfectly now, despite what happened. We're just about done packing up Andre's office for his family.
there's a long silence
And that's where my hesitation comes in. I suppose we leave it open for the next officially appointed C.O. I pray they'll allow me to keep the posting. Neema knows my thoughts on that, thank God, so I don't need to approach the issue any other way. That the command here knows my wishes on the matter and will judge the position based on how exactly fit the person is for the job.
I'll keep praying for Andre's family and for the rest of the people murdered that day. I accept, though, it's not my fault. It's time to remember and move on.
11 Likes
>audio recording start
>>stardate 93379.7
I'm officially the commanding officer now. That's still weird to say.
Hadn't been my hope to get it this way. I wanted this command but the idea had been to either wait until Freeman moved on, or to eventually transfer off to another starbase. No one ever plans for the deaths of those close to them in a circumstance like this.
I like to think Andre, God rest his soul, would have been proud with how his people moved on.
There's been this whole thing with Sivath - it involves the Irreo and ... well hell, I don't want to get into it too much here, really don't. Reports were filed to Neema, she brought them to me, and we asked him for the truth. He obscured it. So, I've handled it in the way Neema advised. She's former starbase Captain, she gets it, I trust her.
Not the way I'd have chosen to handle it, but like I told her we'll give it a go and hope it sticks. I ran warships. So, we'll play her game and I'll give the Commander more trust. Had to take some punitive measures but they were tiny slaps on the wrist for what he was potentially trying to do.
God help me I get it, I do. People probably don't think officers in command of ships or facilities see it like they see it. The Prime Directive is a tool that sometimes makes things uncomfortable for us but it's there for a reason. I tried to help him understand that we have to help the Irreo in a way that won't turn their governing body against the concept of reform. We can't be the morality force of the entire universe. We just can't.
Did I want to wipe those Zantaari's minds, order Max to do it, during our first contact? No. That actually caused us both a great deal of moral agonizing. But sometimes you have to do things your morals can't abide by in the line of duty, if it means keeping the peace.
I can only pray the thing's done and keep overwatch.
Things are weirdly stable, now. Sadia came to visit for a night and we had a talk, she soothed my fears over like she knows how to do. That woman is unflappable. Got a chance to meet Nymas and Sara's son, Alphonse. Attractive young man and with those intellects behind him his future is bright, count on it.
Hell. I even played tennis with Neema today. Life can be weird, with its peaks and valleys. Just kind of hoping this peak turns into a nice happy plateau for a while.
>>stardate 93379.7
I'm officially the commanding officer now. That's still weird to say.
Hadn't been my hope to get it this way. I wanted this command but the idea had been to either wait until Freeman moved on, or to eventually transfer off to another starbase. No one ever plans for the deaths of those close to them in a circumstance like this.
I like to think Andre, God rest his soul, would have been proud with how his people moved on.
There's been this whole thing with Sivath - it involves the Irreo and ... well hell, I don't want to get into it too much here, really don't. Reports were filed to Neema, she brought them to me, and we asked him for the truth. He obscured it. So, I've handled it in the way Neema advised. She's former starbase Captain, she gets it, I trust her.
Not the way I'd have chosen to handle it, but like I told her we'll give it a go and hope it sticks. I ran warships. So, we'll play her game and I'll give the Commander more trust. Had to take some punitive measures but they were tiny slaps on the wrist for what he was potentially trying to do.
God help me I get it, I do. People probably don't think officers in command of ships or facilities see it like they see it. The Prime Directive is a tool that sometimes makes things uncomfortable for us but it's there for a reason. I tried to help him understand that we have to help the Irreo in a way that won't turn their governing body against the concept of reform. We can't be the morality force of the entire universe. We just can't.
Did I want to wipe those Zantaari's minds, order Max to do it, during our first contact? No. That actually caused us both a great deal of moral agonizing. But sometimes you have to do things your morals can't abide by in the line of duty, if it means keeping the peace.
I can only pray the thing's done and keep overwatch.
Things are weirdly stable, now. Sadia came to visit for a night and we had a talk, she soothed my fears over like she knows how to do. That woman is unflappable. Got a chance to meet Nymas and Sara's son, Alphonse. Attractive young man and with those intellects behind him his future is bright, count on it.
Hell. I even played tennis with Neema today. Life can be weird, with its peaks and valleys. Just kind of hoping this peak turns into a nice happy plateau for a while.
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this entry is just a snapped picture. in Tau's open palm lay three glass-like coins. Two are made of a clear, frosted material with white edges, the third a deep green. The runes in the center of each have translations in English above their individual images that say
Kindness
Spirituality
Endurance
Kindness
Spirituality
Endurance
4 Likes
>audio recording start
>>stardate 93410.8
Tau's voice is quiet and strained. the husky tone of someone in a very negative emotional state
New Circini's festival was wonderful, until the end. The kind of stuff I got up to was- Hell. I hadn't felt that alive in a long time.
Hadn't intended to go at first. The Admiral convinced me to and I'm really glad she did, despite how it ended. It was a little weird to leave the station, but it's healthy. For a few days.
I hadn't realized things were like they were until the last morning, I had wanted to make breakfast. Treat- well, treat myself, really. When I had Neema put the request in as escalated I thought I was just being paranoid, so you know, it couldn't have been that. Nope. Definitely just chicken eggs.
a long silence
Dear God, it was true, and I really don't know what to do with myself. Not sure any of us do right now. Still, time to get back to work and wrap up the First Officer applications.
We'll figure it out.
>>stardate 93410.8
Tau's voice is quiet and strained. the husky tone of someone in a very negative emotional state
New Circini's festival was wonderful, until the end. The kind of stuff I got up to was- Hell. I hadn't felt that alive in a long time.
Hadn't intended to go at first. The Admiral convinced me to and I'm really glad she did, despite how it ended. It was a little weird to leave the station, but it's healthy. For a few days.
I hadn't realized things were like they were until the last morning, I had wanted to make breakfast. Treat- well, treat myself, really. When I had Neema put the request in as escalated I thought I was just being paranoid, so you know, it couldn't have been that. Nope. Definitely just chicken eggs.
a long silence
Dear God, it was true, and I really don't know what to do with myself. Not sure any of us do right now. Still, time to get back to work and wrap up the First Officer applications.
We'll figure it out.
12 Likes
>>text entry
- Caspius is confirmed now as my first officer, we have Rose Hanson in charge of Ops for the time being. I'm really, really please to have him locked in. Drei and Lennox each had some good qualifiers but Caspius knows the station so well at this point I would've been neglectful not going with him. He's just too experienced with station operations to not confirm.
- The Echomet have said they were aware of this egg trade but weren't aware of how bad it had gotten. I don't know that I can believe that. Talked with Dmitri about it this morning and he had the same thoughts. This kind of thing seems too weird for them not to catch unless governmental representatives somewhere are turning a blind eye. We've begun to patrol for smuggling in nearby neutral space, so I guess we'll hear more. Still, I've spent a lot more time with Father Michaels since it happened, don't think I'll approach counseling about what happened. I'm not sure in this case it would help me.
- Ended it with Sadia today. She took it well, and I think we both knew this was a long time coming. I adore that woman but now that I have this station and might maybe soon be finally facing down a fourth pip (wouldn't that be great?), I'm not going to be in the Zenas Expanse for a long, long time. If ever again. The long distance thing just didn't work. Wish it could have but I've been so damn lonely - guess I might be the definition of 'emotionally needy', I'm not sure. She agrees on remaining friends, and still wants to visit. Still love her. <3
- Sent a comm to Ooog to see how he's doing. A ship caught some foreign activity in Tau Zeta, so once Commander Konieczko reminded me I realized it was well past time for me to check in. Make sure they're doing okay, make sure everything's going well. It's been such a whirlwind of activity since we lost Andre I hadn't checked in personally since then.
- Sara's helped me sort some more things out. Not exactly the conclusion I wanted to come to but it's the sensible one. She's a real thinker, that one, even if it is partially her doing that got me to this place. Not that that's bad. It's really good. Really, really good.
5 Likes
>audio recording start
>>stardate 93442.6
It's been less than a month since I was made Commanding Officer of DS13 - just over a month and a half since we lost Andre.
Feels like a lot longer than that.
All things taken into account, the starbase and crew have handled it all so well. When Admiral Perim delivered the approval Ashkeph got on my promotion, I couldn't believe it. I was sure that this upcoming promotion season I'd get the fourth pip as long as I still had this base. I'm more than qualified and with Freeman gone, with the sheer size of this base and the amount of officers under me, Captain only made sense. Didn't expect it so soon and sure as Hell didn't expect it on my birthday.
I've been a little overwhelmed by all the positive response and praise I've been getting from it all! Hopefully that means it was the right decision on Admiral Ashkeph's part.
Mme flipped. She was so darn happy. I'm going to outrank her and I don't know I've ever seen her so proud, aside from the girls' births. I'm so pleased to have made her so happy.
There's not a lot of sense in mulling this all over. I have to be up early tomorrow, not skipping church tomorrow. Not with what's coming up later in the day.
I am so grateful. Finally, everything is beginning to feel normal again. Not just normal but good.
Spectacularly good.
>>stardate 93442.6
It's been less than a month since I was made Commanding Officer of DS13 - just over a month and a half since we lost Andre.
Feels like a lot longer than that.
All things taken into account, the starbase and crew have handled it all so well. When Admiral Perim delivered the approval Ashkeph got on my promotion, I couldn't believe it. I was sure that this upcoming promotion season I'd get the fourth pip as long as I still had this base. I'm more than qualified and with Freeman gone, with the sheer size of this base and the amount of officers under me, Captain only made sense. Didn't expect it so soon and sure as Hell didn't expect it on my birthday.
I've been a little overwhelmed by all the positive response and praise I've been getting from it all! Hopefully that means it was the right decision on Admiral Ashkeph's part.
Mme flipped. She was so darn happy. I'm going to outrank her and I don't know I've ever seen her so proud, aside from the girls' births. I'm so pleased to have made her so happy.
There's not a lot of sense in mulling this all over. I have to be up early tomorrow, not skipping church tomorrow. Not with what's coming up later in the day.
I am so grateful. Finally, everything is beginning to feel normal again. Not just normal but good.
Spectacularly good.
8 Likes
this entry is a smattering of quotes, physically entered rather than transferred from an internal PADD document. the significance is not elaborated upon.
Thomas Aquinas wrote:
- To love is to will the good of the other.
- How is it they live in such harmony the billions of stars - when most men can barely go a minute without declaring war in their minds about someone they know.
- A song is the exultation of the mind dwelling on eternal things, bursting forth in the voice.
- No man truly has joy unless he lives in love.
- Without the suitable conditions life could not exist. But both life and its conditions set forth the operations of inscrutable Power. We know not its origin; we know not its end. And the presumption, if not the degradation, rests with those who place upon the throne of the universe a magnified image of themselves, and make its doings a mere colossal imitation of their own. Wonder was the motive that led people to philosophy ... wonder is a kind of desire in knowledge. It is the cause of delight because it carries with it the hope of discovery.
- Better to illuminate than merely to shine, to deliver to others contemplated truths than merely to contemplate.
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