He stood alone in his room, staring at a list of names with pictures attached. A third of the text was red, as well as the title of the ship they served on… as well as the Captain. He took in a long breath, finally tearing himself away from the list of names. " Personal Log… Stardate 99463. This is one of the first times I’ve managed to actually… make a log. Between the headaches, training… and getting used to life on Starbase has been… something. " He sat on the edge of his bed, a hand resting on the back of his neck as he tried to keep his willpower up to complete something like this.
" The Captain here is impressive, the Starbase equally so… it’s me. It’s getting out of whatever rut that’s hampering me. My performance. I dream about the crew on the Retribution all the time. When I dream… it’s always the escape. The explosions. The crying. The people I wasn’t able to save. Arguing with the Captain to get him into an escape pod. I was dragged into one. " He was quiet again after that last bit, as if just mentioning them had taken some effort. Which it had. " Survivors guilt. Maybe. I don’t even know why I was stationed here. I assaulted a fellow officer during the hearings. I thought when I’d been dropped off in Juneau, that’d be a very long leave of absence. Yet… here I am. Security on a large base like this has been… interesting. "
He leaned down, grabbing the small rubber ball which had been on the ground by the bed… and threw it casually at the wall. It hit it, bounced back… hit the floor and landed in his open hand. This was repeated as he continued with the log. " People try to hide things in the most unfortunate places. But… good crew. They leave me with very little real work to do. It was a well oiled machine before I even got here. Admiral Vale contacted me again, checking up on me. She’d been close friends with my parents. If I had to guess… she’s probably the one who had me stationed here. A waste of talent, she’d say in that thick Texas accent. " He let out a mild chuckle, tossing the ball one last time before letting it roll where it may. He stood up… walked over to the table beside his bed where an un-touched shot of whiskey waited.
He picked it up, rolling the liquid around within the glass as he continued. " I went with a few others on a trip today. Got to ride in a Lexington, big space yacht. Very different then a Sovereign. Romulans have always impressed me, their passion for whatever they throw themselves into is second to none. I wish for the best outcome with all of this… these negotiations. A listening device was found at the meeting though, and I turned it over to the Commander. Good people. " He took the shot, setting it back on the table lightly. " If I… get used to the crew here. Enjoy it. Settle in. Does that mean I’ve betrayed the crew on the Retribution? The ones loss and still with us? "
He poured himself another glass of whiskey, which he immediately downed. He picked up the small model of the Retribution, a Sovereign class ship.
" End Log. "