Katriel pursed her lips a little, lifting a hand, palm up.
"And... forgive me, if this seems trite, but... your greatest failing as a Starfleet officer? ... In this lifetime."
Sant gets very still.
"Not bringing every member of my crew alive through the transwarp conduit."
"Not bringing every member of my crew alive through the transwarp conduit."
"What happened, exactly? If you don't mind."
Sant's eyes refocus and she blinks twice at the Counselor.
"I already told you. I think three different times in three different ways now." She grins a little playfully.
"Or is this one of those "examine the question from every possible angle" questions?"
"I already told you. I think three different times in three different ways now." She grins a little playfully.
"Or is this one of those "examine the question from every possible angle" questions?"
Katriel relaxed back in her seat. "Nothing so clever, I'm afraid, Captain. I suppose I'm asking because ... well, we haven't really gone into the specifics or precise sequence of events that occurred you in arriving in this universe."
"For instance, you say it's your greatest failing that not all your crew came through alive. Is there actually anything you could have done for it to be otherwise?"
"For instance, you say it's your greatest failing that not all your crew came through alive. Is there actually anything you could have done for it to be otherwise?"
Sant sighed and tugged on her left earlobe again.
"Technically no, and maybe yes. It depends on how you look at the situation. The Formidable and the Indomitable patrolled together and we ended up in something of an Ambush. We were outnumbered, and outgunned. It isn't that difficult to imagine, given the Sovereign's capabilities. She's a strong little ship and can take a beating, but she has her limits." She paused and picked the pillow up again, tugging on it's fringes.
"There was no way to avoid getting rammed -- we just couldn't blow up the oncoming ship fast enough, though heaven knows we tried. We got a message from the Formidable telling us to follow them through the hole, and somehow they got the conduit open. We tried to follow in spite of the damage taken and the whole time we were being fired on from all sides, and trying to give back what we took tenfold. We were boarded because our shields had been beaten down to almost nothing, and there was fighting throughout the ship. There was an amazing amount of energy being generated around the ship and in space around us, and then the Formidable vanished off our sensors. I had to fight my way to engineering because the bridge had taken so much damage it couldn't sustain life support for us. I remember getting caught in a Jeffries tube, and trying to fight my way out of it, and next thing I know there's Cross, pulling a body off of me, and carrying me to sickbay."
She plopped the pillow down on the couch and punched it lightly.
"You ever try to fight hand to hand in a Jeffries tube? Talk about a pain in the backside, and before you ask -- no, I didn't have my phaser handy. I would have used it, if I had."
Sant looked at the Counselor with a half-worried frown and added, "That's honestly the only details I can give you from memory aside from a list of commands, who responded, who died, and who lost their nerve. Those are all in the file. Could I have done something differently? Probably. It's always easier to say 'You should have done this that or the other' when you're not in the middle of the action. Do the deaths haunt me? Yes, I'd be an android if they didn't. Their well-being was my responsibility. Do I understand that I did the best I could? Yes, I do. Yes, it's going to take awhile to work through it, anyone that says that they get over something instantly is either lying about something or never cared to begin with."
Finally, the trill picked up the pillow again and started trying to balance it on her head.
"Any other questions?"
You look ridiculous.
Good. I need the levity. I hate this so much. It hurts way to much.
"Technically no, and maybe yes. It depends on how you look at the situation. The Formidable and the Indomitable patrolled together and we ended up in something of an Ambush. We were outnumbered, and outgunned. It isn't that difficult to imagine, given the Sovereign's capabilities. She's a strong little ship and can take a beating, but she has her limits." She paused and picked the pillow up again, tugging on it's fringes.
"There was no way to avoid getting rammed -- we just couldn't blow up the oncoming ship fast enough, though heaven knows we tried. We got a message from the Formidable telling us to follow them through the hole, and somehow they got the conduit open. We tried to follow in spite of the damage taken and the whole time we were being fired on from all sides, and trying to give back what we took tenfold. We were boarded because our shields had been beaten down to almost nothing, and there was fighting throughout the ship. There was an amazing amount of energy being generated around the ship and in space around us, and then the Formidable vanished off our sensors. I had to fight my way to engineering because the bridge had taken so much damage it couldn't sustain life support for us. I remember getting caught in a Jeffries tube, and trying to fight my way out of it, and next thing I know there's Cross, pulling a body off of me, and carrying me to sickbay."
She plopped the pillow down on the couch and punched it lightly.
"You ever try to fight hand to hand in a Jeffries tube? Talk about a pain in the backside, and before you ask -- no, I didn't have my phaser handy. I would have used it, if I had."
Sant looked at the Counselor with a half-worried frown and added, "That's honestly the only details I can give you from memory aside from a list of commands, who responded, who died, and who lost their nerve. Those are all in the file. Could I have done something differently? Probably. It's always easier to say 'You should have done this that or the other' when you're not in the middle of the action. Do the deaths haunt me? Yes, I'd be an android if they didn't. Their well-being was my responsibility. Do I understand that I did the best I could? Yes, I do. Yes, it's going to take awhile to work through it, anyone that says that they get over something instantly is either lying about something or never cared to begin with."
Finally, the trill picked up the pillow again and started trying to balance it on her head.
"Any other questions?"
You look ridiculous.
Good. I need the levity. I hate this so much. It hurts way to much.
Katriel's expression had gone from professionally neutral to apologetic and sympathetic all in one. She cleared her throat at Sant's prompting, glancing briefly back down at her PADD before tilting her head at Sant.
"What do you imagine you'd like to do as far as assignment is concerned, after the Indomitable is fully space worthy again?"
"What do you imagine you'd like to do as far as assignment is concerned, after the Indomitable is fully space worthy again?"
"Heh, funny you should ask that." Sant took the pillow off the top of her head and placed it in her lap.
"Cross and I were staring at holographic images of the Bajoran wormhole the other day and were dreaming about becoming explorers instead of warriors. I mentioned that the darned thing had caused the Dominion War because you all stuck your noses where they didn't belong, but honestly -- looking for places where no one has gone before sounds absolutely wonderful."
It would be something we haven't done yet.
I'd just like to see someplace no one has been to.
It's a win-win scenario -- really.
Sant smiled quietly.
"We're both more than willing to continue protecting the federation and will of course, go where Starfleet commands, but we request that the Indomitable and the Formidable remain together for whatever duty Starfleet sends us to."
"Cross and I were staring at holographic images of the Bajoran wormhole the other day and were dreaming about becoming explorers instead of warriors. I mentioned that the darned thing had caused the Dominion War because you all stuck your noses where they didn't belong, but honestly -- looking for places where no one has gone before sounds absolutely wonderful."
It would be something we haven't done yet.
I'd just like to see someplace no one has been to.
It's a win-win scenario -- really.
Sant smiled quietly.
"We're both more than willing to continue protecting the federation and will of course, go where Starfleet commands, but we request that the Indomitable and the Formidable remain together for whatever duty Starfleet sends us to."
The counselor nodded a little with pursed lips, but whatever is on her mind at that point, she chose not to speak of it.
"I hope the retrofitting doesn't take so much longer, then." She scrolled through the material on her PADD briefly. "We're almost through, Captain. What do you tend to prefer to do in your off hours?"
"I hope the retrofitting doesn't take so much longer, then." She scrolled through the material on her PADD briefly. "We're almost through, Captain. What do you tend to prefer to do in your off hours?"
"I generally spend time with Captain Cross or read." Sant answers thoughtfully.
Again, the counselor nodded. "Good to know. Last query..." and she hesitated for a second or two before proceeding.
"You seem to have your own emotional well-being generally in hand which is, of course, extremely gratifying to see. But I was just curious as to whether or not you believe you would recognize if you do need to avail yourself of counseling services in addition?"
"You seem to have your own emotional well-being generally in hand which is, of course, extremely gratifying to see. But I was just curious as to whether or not you believe you would recognize if you do need to avail yourself of counseling services in addition?"
"Yes, I think so. If things get to rough, I'll be contacting you, certain." Sant sighed a little.
Most likely soonish.
Most likely soonish.
Katriel twitched a little, but inclined her head in acknowledgement.
"Very well. Then... I believe I have all I need for my report, Captain. Anything else you want to add?"
"Very well. Then... I believe I have all I need for my report, Captain. Anything else you want to add?"
"No, not really. I've still got a lot of work to get done on the Indomitable, so the sooner I can get back to work on that the better. I do appreciate that you made this as painless as possible. Mostly." Sant smiled a little and stood up to leave.
Katriel stood as well. "Thank you again, Captain, for coming to see me. In the future, please feel free to let me know if there's anything you need from the counseling department."