Raptor Mother (A short piece of expierimental writing)

In the infinite void, she waited. She waited for the prey. Everything around her calm. The Raptor vectored in closer to the bait. There was no real need for caution, as her cloak made her invisible. Not even the T"liss warbird carrying supplies bound for New Romulus knew she was there. Then, quite suddenly, the calm was shattered. Four Tal Shiar T'varo class warbirds decelerated from the warp barrier behind the supply ship. Finally, the time had arrived.

Above the T'liss and heading towards the Tal Shiar ships, the Raptor de-cloaked. It's starboard wings above and below the supply ship, like a mother protecting a child. The Commanders of the raiders had already opened fire, their disruptor beams impacting on the Raptors shield. None of the shots reached the T'liss. The mother was angered by the attack on her child, so as any mother would, she fought back. Viridian beams of plasma energy lanced out from both of her upper wing sections. Again and again she lashed out, each barrage consisting of a different pattern of fire on the Tal Shiar warbirds.

The raiders fired back, but with little effect. The Raptor rotated her shield frequencies, limiting the amount of damage that could be done. When a weakness was sensed in the lead raiders forward shielding, the Raptor let loose a great ball of plasma energy from her beak. As both torpedo and T'varo were accelerating towards each other, the impact was quick. The torpedo struck port of dead center on the bow. Green hell fire engulfed the Tal Shiar warbird. Pieces of hull sloughed off like skin melting from bones. Then, then the torpedo detonated. The forward section of the T'varo blew outwards, resembling the gaping maw of a dying beast. Air, debris, and bodies rushed out into the void. The lead raider began a slow and flat spin, a dance in its death throes.

The other Tal Shiar ships departed with haste. Apparently deciding that one Romulan Republic supply ship wasn't worth what they had just witnessed. The Raptor carefully flew away from the T'liss before cloaking it's self again, leaving hails from the ship unanswered. On her bridge sat a Reman...smiling.
I know using a mom using a child as bait seems odd, but I was going for ruthless lol. Please feel free to comment.
(( )) People're really feeling the ships-as-wild-animals metaphors recently, eh?

As I don't know what the intent of the piece is, I'm unable to give really directed feedback. So I'll content myself to say that there's some fairly compelling imagery here. Like I had an easy time picturing the setup of the skirmish. And the torpedo that impacts the T'varo and is "engulfed" (good word) in fire. Nice.

I didn't think the mother-using-child-as-bait was odd... though, I didn't really get the sense that... like. How do I explain? Overprotective mothers are not just about anger and fury. (at least, in my opinion.) It's also about desperation, anxiety, and panic. At least, this is while there is any remote possibility of threat to the young still lingering. If there isn't, then it seems more likely that the dominant emotion would be about vengeance.

So, to me, I didn't feel like there was much panic here. The mother in this case was supremely confident, pretty much through the entire piece, rather than frightened.

Other than a few distracting homonym errors (unfortunately, not the kind of thing you can hound out with Word), pretty easy read. Good stuff.
((The ships as wild animals metaphor works more for races like Klingons, Romulans, Hirogen, etc. in my opinion. Mostly due to their nature. Heck, they name their ships after animals. :p ))
Will it make me sound stupid if I ask what a homonym is, and where those errors might be so I can work on them? lol.
Not stupid at all, a homonym is a word that sounds like another word, but they have different spellings and/or meanings.

I checked back, but I only found one, so obviously memory was exaggerating... death "throws" should actually be death "throes". Pronounced the same, different words.

(Well... I suppose it's possible that you meant throws. :p )
((Weeeelll...technically he WAS chucking death at his enemies...although not at that point in the story. :p ))
lmao, alright. Let's see here...