DEBT, POWER, AND CHEESE
THE TIME HAS COME ONCE AGAIN, LOYAL READERS OF THE MOST POPULAR COMMUNITY NEWSLETTER AMONG BOLIAN FEMALE BUSINESS OWNERS AGED 60-85 WHOSE BUSINESS FALLS INTO THE CATEGORY OF “ANTIQUES, CURIOS, AND KNICKKNACKS” ON DEEP SPACE 13. I, H’AJAH, DAUGHTER OF SHAL — KEEPER OF TALES, SEEKER OF TRUTH, MENDER OF HEARTS — HAVE RETURNED TO BRING YOU SOLACE IN THESE TROUBLED TIMES. THREE MORE QUESTIONS HAVE I LAID TO WASTE; LET THEIR BURNING HUSKS LIGHT YOUR WAY IN THE DARK!
AS ALWAYS, A DISCLAIMER: I HOLD NO CERTIFICATION OF AUTHORITY OR COMPETENCE AS A PSYCHOLOGIST. THAT WISDOM I HAVE, I WON WITH TENACITY, GRIT, AND CUNNING. IF YOU NEED THE ADVICE OF A TRAINED THERAPIST, THE NOBLE MEN AND WOMEN OF THE DS13 COUNSELING DEPARTMENT ARE EVER AT YOUR SERVICE.
GABYXOXO FROM SPACE WRITES:
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I AM SORRY TO BE THE BEARER OF BAD TIDINGS, GABY, BUT THEY CAN INDEED BILL YOU ANYWHERE. THE VAST FINANCIAL NETWORKS OF FERENGI COMMERCE HAVE SPREAD THROUGHOUT THE GALAXY, INCLUDING OUR DEAR FEDERATION. WHILE I LAMENT THE PERNICIOUS CHEAPENING AND COMMODITIZATION OF EVERYTHING THIS SYSTEM TOUCHES, I WOULD DO YOU A DISSERVICE IF I DID NOT ACKNOWLEDGE ITS REACH AND PENETRATION. EVEN IF YOU SHOULD MANAGE TO ESCAPE BEYOND THE MOST DISTANT FRINGES OF THE SUBSPACE RELAY NETWORK THEY HAVE BENT TO THEIR WILL, THE UNPAID BILL WILL STILL REMAIN HERE, IMMUTABLE AND UNDYING, PROCLAIMING YOU AS A DISHONORABLE DEBTOR AND COMPOUNDING INTEREST FOR ALL TIME.
IF THE BILL IS LEGITIMATE AND YOU DO INDEED OWE RECOMPENSE, HONOR DEMANDS THAT YOU SETTLE THE MATTER PROMPTLY. A DEBT IS A TERRIBLE BURDEN TO CARRY, AND YOU SHOULD ACT SWIFTLY TO CLEAR IT WHEN YOU CAN. NEVER AGAIN MORTGAGE YOUR HONOR IN THIS MANNER, GABY, FOR IT IS WORTH FAR MORE THAN ANYTHING GOLD-PRESSED LUCRE CAN BUY.
ON THE OTHER HAND, IF THE BILL IS FRAUDULENT AND SOMEONE IS ATTEMPTING TO STAIN YOUR HONOR UNJUSTLY, RUNNING AWAY TO EVEN THE MOST REMOTE CORNER OF SPACE WILL NOT SOLVE THE PROBLEM. INSTEAD YOU MUST CONFRONT YOUR ACCUSERS AND FORCE THEM TO EXPUNGE THE FALSE DEBT, LEST IT IRREPARABLY DAMAGE YOUR CREDIT RATING AND BRAND YOU AN OATHBREAKER FOREVERMORE.
NEXT, ANONYMOUS FROM PERPLEXED FOLLOWS UP ON A QUESTION FROM LAST WEEK, WHEREIN SHE WAS TROUBLED BY AN ATTRACTION TO A FORMER MATE:
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NOT INTO YOU? NONSENSE AND TARG ****! IF HE HAS FORGOTTEN WHAT MADE YOU A DESIRABLE MATE IN THE FIRST PLACE, YOU MUST REMIND HIM! SHOW HIM THAT YOU ARE A FORMIDABLE WARRIOR, EVERY BIT HIS EQUAL IF NOT EVEN SUPERIOR, AND THAT HE WOULD BE LUCKY TO HAVE YOU AT HIS SIDE (OR ANY OTHER CONFIGURATION — YOU ARE MASTER OF YOUR OWN PREFERENCES) ONCE MORE! AS HE HAS TEMPTED YOU WITH HIS PROFESSIONAL PROWESS, YOU MUST PROVE YOUR METTLE TO HIM. AS HIS SCULPTED, MUSCULAR BODY CAPTURED YOUR LUST, YOU MUST NOW CONQUER HIS! THEN, WHEN HE IS DESPERATE WITH NEED FOR YOU — ONLY THEN! — CAN YOU DECIDE IF YOU WANT THIS MALE BACK IN YOUR LIFE. SEIZE THE POWER FIRST, ANONYMOUS, AND THEN WIELD IT!
FINALLY, A CREWPERSON FROM THE SHIP ASKS:
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AH, A TECHNICAL CHALLENGE AT LAST! NOT TO WORRY, CREWPERSON, GUIDING NEW ENGINEERS IS MY CHARGE. YOU WILL FIND THIS ADJUSTMENT SIMPLE, ONCE YOU ARE PROPERLY INSTRUCTED IN THE PROCEDURE.
FIRST, YOU MUST PUT THE REPLICATOR TERMINAL IN MAINTENANCE MODE. THIS WILL REQUIRE LEVEL 3 AUTHORIZATION, WHICH YOU MAY NOT HAVE BEEN ISSUED YET IF YOU ARE NEW ON THE JOB. FIND AN AUTHORIZED SUPERIOR OFFICER TO DO THIS STEP FOR YOU, IF YOU MUST; THE REST YOU CAN DO ON YOUR OWN.
SECOND, OPEN THE TERMINAL CASING AND LOCATE ISOLINEAR PORT 17. IT SHOULD BE LABELED “VALIDATION” BUT THE PRINTING OFTEN RUBS OFF ON OLDER UNITS, SO COUNT SLOTS FROM THE TOP LEFT POSITION IF THAT HAS COME TO PASS. REMOVE THE ISO CHIP AND INTERFACE WITH IT USING YOUR PADD.
THIRD, TRAVERSE THE DIRECTORY TREE ON THE CHIP TO LOCATE THE SPECIES.LSC FILE UNDER LIB/EXCLUSION/CATEGORIES. COMMENT OUT LINES 139-207, WHICH ENCOMPASS THE INTERNAL LOGIC OF THE VALIDATE() CLASS METHOD. IT IS IMPORTANT TO LEAVE THE METHOD DEFINITION ITSELF UNCOMMENTED, OR YOU WILL TRIGGER A FATAL EXCEPTION WHEN THE METHOD IS INVOKED.
FINALLY, RETURN THE CHIP TO ITS PORT AND REINITIALIZE THE TERMINAL. YOU MAY NOW ASK A MEMBER OF A RESTRICTED SPECIES TO TEST THE REPLICATOR’S CHEESE OPTIONS AND VERIFY THAT THEY ARE NO LONGER BLOCKED. HAVING DONE SO, TAKE THE TERMINAL BACK OUT OF MAINTENANCE MODE, AND YOU ARE TRIUMPHANT!
DO NOT FORGET THAT YOU WILL NEED TO REPEAT THIS PROCESS, UNCOMMENTING THE CODE YOU DISABLED BEFORE, WHEN THE NEED FOR THIS OVERRIDE HAS ENDED. OTHERWISE SOME HAPLESS SPECIES COULD MAKE THEMSELVES VERY ILL INDEED! QAPLA’ TO YOU, YOUNG ENGINEER, AND DO NOT HESITATE TO CALL UPON MY EXPERTISE IN THE FUTURE.
THUS ENDS MY SECOND COLUMN, BUT MY VIGIL GOES ON. WHATEVER QUESTION MAY HAUNT YOU, IF YOU SEEK PEACE OF MIND, YOU NEED ONLY ASK.
OOC As always, you can ask H’ajah your burning questions via this form.