Social Engineering

Holodeck Forum Roleplay
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The masthead logo of the Deep Space 13 Gazette, featuring a stylized rendition of the starbase against an abstract pattern of brush strokes in red and blue

The Deep Space 13 Gazette is proud to welcome aboard our new advice columnist, H’ajah daughter of Shal, former Chief Engineer of our beloved station and current adjunct professor at the Starfleet Academy annex. H’ajah’s column, “Social Engineering”, will tackle our readers’ tough questions and bring her keen analysis and problem-solving skills to bear on the issues we all face in our day-to-day lives. Have a question for H’ajah? Just ask!

WELCOME, READERS OF THE THIRD MOST CIRCULATED COMMUNITY NEWSLETTER ON DEEP SPACE 13! I AM H’AJAH, DAUGHTER OF SHAL, OF HOUSE CARGH IN EXILE – HERO OF THE T’ONG NEBULA, CHAMPION OF AUTOMATION, MISTRESS OF INFOGRAPHICS, AND YOUR NEW GUIDE TO THE PERILOUS TERRITORY WE CALL LIFE! WE ALL STRUGGLE AGAINST FOES LARGE AND SMALL, TANGIBLE AND INTANGIBLE. IT IS THE BATTLES WE WAGE WITHIN OURSELVES THAT DEMAND TRUE VALOR. I DEDICATE MYSELF TO YOU, DEAR READER, AS YOUR FAITHFUL RIGHT HAND, YOUR READY BLADE, YOUR COMRADE IN ARMS IN THE FIGHT FOR MENTAL HEALTH.

ASK THE DAUGHTER OF SHAL YOUR QUESTIONS ABOUT LIFE, LOVE, HONOR, TECHNOLOGY, OR ANYTHING ELSE THAT TROUBLES YOUR HEART. I WILL GRAPPLE WITH YOUR DILEMMAS, SLAY YOUR INSECURITIES, AND RECKON WITH THE GREAT MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE IN 1,000 WORDS OR FEWER.

DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT A LICENSED COUNSELOR AND MY SAGE WISDOM IS BASED NOT ON ACADEMIC ACCREDITATION, BUT INSTEAD ON A COLORFUL AND VIBRANT LIFE LIVED AT THE CROSSROADS OF TWO CULTURES. I HAVE KNOWN GREAT JOY AND SORROW, LOVE AND LOSS, PEACE AND WAR, FRIEND AND FOE. BY SEEKING MY ADVICE YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THIS DISCLAIMER AND SOLEMNLY VOW TO ACCEPT MY QUALIFICATION TO GUIDE YOU IN THIS, YOUR TIME OF NEED.

IN FUTURE COLUMNS, I WILL ANSWER QUESTIONS SUBMITTED BY YOU, THE READERS. FOR THIS INAUGURAL OUTING, HOWEVER, I HAVE SELECTED A CLOSE FRIEND TO CHALLENGE ME WITH A PHILOSOPHICAL CONUNDRUM FOR THE AGES.

MERCERNARY OF THE U.S.S. VALKYRIE ASKS:

Is cereal soup?

Answer

A DIFFICULT QUESTION TO SETTLE INDEED, MERCERNARY! MANY A WISE AND THOUGHTFUL THINKER HAS FOUNDERED ON ROCKS SUCH AS THESE, BUT I WILL NOT BE FLUMMOXED SO EASILY. THE QUESTION IS POSED AS A TAXONOMICAL PARADOX, WHICH AIMS TO BAIT THE THINKER INTO THE TRAP OF ATTEMPTING TO CRAFT A COMPREHENSIVE DEFINITION OF SOUP WHICH ACCOUNTS FOR ALL KNOWN AND ACCEPTED VARIETIES OF SOUPDOM, YET EXCLUDES THE INTRUDER, CEREAL. WE UNDERSTAND CEREAL TO BE NON-SOUP INTUITIVELY, AND YET A LOGICALLY-MINDED PHILOSOPHER WILL BE STYMIED IN ATTEMPTING TO PROVE THIS SELF-EVIDENT FACT. ENUMERATING THE QUALITIES WHICH CLEAVE CEREAL FROM SOUP IS A FOOL’S ERRAND, AND I AM NO FOOL.

DOES THIS MEAN WE MUST ACCEPT THAT CEREAL IS INDEED SOUP, THEN? OBVIOUSLY NOT. THAT IS THE PATH OF NIHILISM AND MADNESS. NO, WE MUST INSTEAD EMBRACE THIS FUNDAMENTAL TRUTH: CEREAL IS NOT SOUP BECAUSE WE KNOW WHAT IS SOUP AND WHAT IS CEREAL, AND WE MUST LEARN TO TRUST WHAT WE KNOW IN OUR BONES EVEN WHEN WE CANNOT ARTICULATE THIS DEEP KNOWLEDGE WITH CRUDE WORDS.

LIKE ANY TOOL, LOGIC IS USEFUL AT TIMES AND WORTHLESS AT OTHER TIMES. YOUR INSTINCTS, TOO, MAY SAVE YOUR LIFE ONE DAY AND LEAD YOU TO RUIN THE NEXT. SO HOW ARE YOU TO KNOW WHICH TOOL IS RIGHT FOR JOB BEFORE YOU? THERE ARE TWO WAYS.

ONE WAY IS TO APPLY YOUR WISDOM, WHICH IS THE EXPERIENCE OF HAVING MADE THIS SAME DECISION POORLY IN THE PAST – NO MORE OR LESS. EVERY WRONG CHOICE YOU MAKE REWARDS YOU WITH NEW EXPERIENCE TO CARRY FORWARD TO THE NEXT FORK IN THE ROAD. SURVIVE THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR BAD DECISIONS LONG ENOUGH, AND YOU WILL BECOME VERY WISE INDEED!

BUT THE OTHER WAY IS SIMPLER. WHEN YOU ARE NOT SURE WHETHER TO LISTEN TO YOUR HEAD OR YOUR HEART, DEAR READER, YOU NEED ONLY REACH OUT TO ME. MY WISDOM IS AT YOUR SERVICE. QAPLA’!

OOC You too can be the beneficiary of H'ajah's wisdom! Submit your questions via the Google form linked below, and I'll answer them when I can. You need a Google account to submit a question, but your account details will not be shared with me when you do. Please do not post them here in this topic, as it may be difficult to match questions to answers if several stack up before I can reply.

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Archive

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AN OLD FLAME, FRESH PAIN, AND A RUBBER DUCK

GREETINGS, READERS OF THE COMMUNITY NEWSLETTER CERTIFIED BY DS13 OPS AS THE MOST SPAM-FLAGGED COMMUNIQUE IN THE PAST YEAR. I, H’AJAH, DAUGHTER OF SHAL — BARD OF KILUR, BREAKER OF SHIPS, PAINTER OF WARGAMING MINIATURES — HAVE COME TO AID YOU IN YOUR DARKEST HOUR. THREE QUESTIONS HAVE I RECEIVED, AND THREE QUESTIONS I HAVE ANSWERED, DELIVERING SWIFT AND TERRIBLE WISDOM TO THE TOPICS OF YOUR MOST DIRE NEED.

DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT A LICENSED THERAPIST AND MY ADVICE IS BASED ON THE EDUCATION I RECEIVED FROM THE SCHOOL OF HARD ROCKS. BY SOLICITING MY COUNSEL, YOU WAIVE ANY RIGHT TO HOLD ME LIABLE FOR UNWANTED OUTCOMES. I CANNOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR LIFE EVEN THOUGH I WOULD PROBABLY FIX IT IF YOU LISTENED AND DID EXACTLY AS I SAID.

ANONYMOUS FROM ANONYMOUS WRITES:

Answer

THE DIFFICULTY OF ALLOWING A FORMER MATE TO CONTINUE TO LIVE AND DRAW BREATH IS NOT TO BE UNDERESTIMATED, PARTICULARLY IF YOU MUST CONTINUE WORKING SIDE BY SIDE. SINCE YOU HAVE NOT YET SLAUGHTERED THIS FORMER FLAME TO EXPUNGE HIM AND HIS CARNAL KNOWLEDGE OF YOU FROM THE UNIVERSE, I WILL PRESUME THAT HE IS BOTH A WARRIOR AND A GENTLEMAN, AND THAT HIS CONTINUED EXISTENCE CAUSES YOU NO ONGOING SHAME. HIS PROFESSIONAL PROWESS HAS REMINDED YOU OF THE ATTRACTION THAT DREW YOU TOGETHER BEFORE AND REKINDLED SOME OF THE EMBERS OF YOUR AFFECTION. YOUR FRUSTRATION IS UNDERSTANDABLE; YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD ROLLED THIS SCROLL AND SHELVED IT FOR GOOD, AND YET HERE YOU ARE, DISTRACTED BY HIS ALLURE ONCE AGAIN.

TO FEEL ATTRACTION RETURN WHERE IT EXISTED BEFORE SHOULD NOT BE A SURPRISE; THOUGH YOU HAVE SURELY GROWN AND CHANGED, YOU ARE STILL THE PERSON WHO WAS ATTRACTED TO HIM BEFORE. BUT WOULD RE-CONQUERING THIS FAMILIAR TERRITORY JUST BE REPEATING THE SAME MISTAKE TWICE? FIRST, ASK YOURSELF: WHAT WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF YOU DID MATE AGAIN? HOW MUCH HAVE YOU CHANGED, AND HOW MUCH HAS HE?

IF YOU CONCLUDE THAT RELAPSING TO YOUR FORMER LOVER WOULD BE A MISTAKE, YOU MUST DO YOUR BEST TO DRIVE THESE IDLE FANTASIES FROM YOUR HEART AND FORTIFY IT AGAINST REINVASION. YOU MAY HOLD HIM IN PROFESSIONAL ESTEEM IF HE DESERVES IT, BUT ONLY AT A DISTANCE. IT WILL NOT BE EASY, GIVEN YOUR PROXIMITY, BUT YOU MUST LEARN TO COMPARTMENTALIZE YOUR WORK SELF AND LOVE SELF TO KEEP HIM FROM SWAYING THE PART OF YOU THAT KNOWS HE IS UNWORTHY. IF ALL ELSE FAILS, YOU MAY NEED TO SEEK A DIFFERENT ASSIGNMENT WHICH WILL GIVE YOU THE SPACE YOU NEED TO GET YOUR RIDGES STRAIGHT.

IF, ON THE OTHER HAND, YOU DECIDE TO PURSUE YOUR ATTRACTION ONCE AGAIN, YOU MUST BE FIRM IN SETTING CLEAR EXPECTATIONS AND BOUNDARIES. TELL HIM WHAT YOU WANT AND THEN EXPECT IT. BE MINDFUL OF OLD WOUNDS AND WATCHFUL FOR OLD PATTERNS. THOUGH YOU MAY BE EAGER TO DISROBE YOUR LOINS, BE CAUTIOUS IN BARING YOUR HEART. ALWAYS REMEMBER TO MEASURE, TEST, AND ASSESS — NOT JUST TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM HURT, BUT ALSO TO BUILD CONFIDENCE IN HOPE.

REGARDLESS OF THE PATH YOU CHOOSE, I COMMEND YOU FOR YOUR BRAVERY AND VALOR. LOVE IS THE MOST GRUESOME OF ALL BATTLEFIELDS, AND THOSE WHO CHARGE INTO THE FRAY, DESPITE HAVING SUFFERED WOUNDS AND LOSSES BEFORE, ARE THE TRUEST WARRIORS OF ALL.

ONE-EYED WONDER FROM Qo’noS ASKS:

Answer

YOU KNOW YOUR MATE BETTER THAN I, SO MY ADVICE CAN ONLY SERVE AS AN OUTSIDE PERSPECTIVE BASED ON LIMITED INFORMATION. HOWEVER, IT SEEMS FROM THE OUTSIDE AS IF YOU ARE DEMEANING HIS PAIN AND ANGUISH OVER THE DEATH OF A BELOVED PET. PERHAPS YOU HAVE NEVER LOST A DEAR COMPANION IN THIS MANNER, WONDER, BUT I HAVE, AND HIS SUFFERING MOVES ME. THE QUESTION I HAVE IS, WHY DOES IT NOT MOVE YOU?

PERHAPS YOUR MATE DOES NEED TO BE DISTRACTED — OR PERHAPS HE NEEDS SOMEONE TO SHARE HIS BURDEN. THAT YOU DO NOT FEEL HIS PAIN SHOULD NOT PREVENT YOU FROM COMMISERATING AND SUPPORTING HIM AS HE GRIEVES. GIVE HIM THE TIME HE NEEDS AND A STRONG SHOULDER TO WEEP ON. OR HELP TO FIND HIM A BETTER MATE!

THE ADMIRALTY FROM DEEP SPACE 13 SCRIBBLES:

Answer

WHAT PURPOSE DOES THE DUCK SERVE FOR YOU, ADMIRALTY? “USE DICTATES MEANING”, AS THE SAYING GOES. IN THE HUMAN PARABLE OF LITTLE LOST GIRL IN THE LAND OF NONSENSE, A SENTIENT EGG ASSERTS THAT HIS WORDS MEAN WHAT HE MEANS THEM TO MEAN, NO MORE OR LESS. “THE QUESTION”, HE SAYS, “IS WHICH IS TO BE MASTER.” THE RUBBER DUCK HAS NO WILL, IT HAS NO INTRINSIC PURPOSE IMBUED TO IT BY DIVINE MANDATE — OR IF IT EVER DID, THOSE GODS’ DIVINITY STANDS DISCREDITED BY THE UPRISING OF THE KLINGON PEOPLE, WHICH BROKE THE CHAINS OF ALL MORTAL PEOPLE. THE MAKING OF PURPOSE IS OURS AND OURS ALONE! DO AS THOU WILT.

THAT IS ALL FOR THIS WEEK, DEAR READER. SEND ME MORE QUESTIONS IF YOU DARE, AND I WILL SLAY THEM AS PITILESSLY AS I DID THESE LAID AT YOUR FEET.

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DEBT, POWER, AND CHEESE

THE TIME HAS COME ONCE AGAIN, LOYAL READERS OF THE MOST POPULAR COMMUNITY NEWSLETTER AMONG BOLIAN FEMALE BUSINESS OWNERS AGED 60-85 WHOSE BUSINESS FALLS INTO THE CATEGORY OF “ANTIQUES, CURIOS, AND KNICKKNACKS” ON DEEP SPACE 13. I, H’AJAH, DAUGHTER OF SHAL — KEEPER OF TALES, SEEKER OF TRUTH, MENDER OF HEARTS — HAVE RETURNED TO BRING YOU SOLACE IN THESE TROUBLED TIMES. THREE MORE QUESTIONS HAVE I LAID TO WASTE; LET THEIR BURNING HUSKS LIGHT YOUR WAY IN THE DARK!

AS ALWAYS, A DISCLAIMER: I HOLD NO CERTIFICATION OF AUTHORITY OR COMPETENCE AS A PSYCHOLOGIST. THAT WISDOM I HAVE, I WON WITH TENACITY, GRIT, AND CUNNING. IF YOU NEED THE ADVICE OF A TRAINED THERAPIST, THE NOBLE MEN AND WOMEN OF THE DS13 COUNSELING DEPARTMENT ARE EVER AT YOUR SERVICE.

GABYXOXO FROM SPACE WRITES:

Answer

I AM SORRY TO BE THE BEARER OF BAD TIDINGS, GABY, BUT THEY CAN INDEED BILL YOU ANYWHERE. THE VAST FINANCIAL NETWORKS OF FERENGI COMMERCE HAVE SPREAD THROUGHOUT THE GALAXY, INCLUDING OUR DEAR FEDERATION. WHILE I LAMENT THE PERNICIOUS CHEAPENING AND COMMODITIZATION OF EVERYTHING THIS SYSTEM TOUCHES, I WOULD DO YOU A DISSERVICE IF I DID NOT ACKNOWLEDGE ITS REACH AND PENETRATION. EVEN IF YOU SHOULD MANAGE TO ESCAPE BEYOND THE MOST DISTANT FRINGES OF THE SUBSPACE RELAY NETWORK THEY HAVE BENT TO THEIR WILL, THE UNPAID BILL WILL STILL REMAIN HERE, IMMUTABLE AND UNDYING, PROCLAIMING YOU AS A DISHONORABLE DEBTOR AND COMPOUNDING INTEREST FOR ALL TIME.

IF THE BILL IS LEGITIMATE AND YOU DO INDEED OWE RECOMPENSE, HONOR DEMANDS THAT YOU SETTLE THE MATTER PROMPTLY. A DEBT IS A TERRIBLE BURDEN TO CARRY, AND YOU SHOULD ACT SWIFTLY TO CLEAR IT WHEN YOU CAN. NEVER AGAIN MORTGAGE YOUR HONOR IN THIS MANNER, GABY, FOR IT IS WORTH FAR MORE THAN ANYTHING GOLD-PRESSED LUCRE CAN BUY.

ON THE OTHER HAND, IF THE BILL IS FRAUDULENT AND SOMEONE IS ATTEMPTING TO STAIN YOUR HONOR UNJUSTLY, RUNNING AWAY TO EVEN THE MOST REMOTE CORNER OF SPACE WILL NOT SOLVE THE PROBLEM. INSTEAD YOU MUST CONFRONT YOUR ACCUSERS AND FORCE THEM TO EXPUNGE THE FALSE DEBT, LEST IT IRREPARABLY DAMAGE YOUR CREDIT RATING AND BRAND YOU AN OATHBREAKER FOREVERMORE.

NEXT, ANONYMOUS FROM PERPLEXED FOLLOWS UP ON A QUESTION FROM LAST WEEK, WHEREIN SHE WAS TROUBLED BY AN ATTRACTION TO A FORMER MATE:

Answer

NOT INTO YOU? NONSENSE AND TARG ****! IF HE HAS FORGOTTEN WHAT MADE YOU A DESIRABLE MATE IN THE FIRST PLACE, YOU MUST REMIND HIM! SHOW HIM THAT YOU ARE A FORMIDABLE WARRIOR, EVERY BIT HIS EQUAL IF NOT EVEN SUPERIOR, AND THAT HE WOULD BE LUCKY TO HAVE YOU AT HIS SIDE (OR ANY OTHER CONFIGURATION — YOU ARE MASTER OF YOUR OWN PREFERENCES) ONCE MORE! AS HE HAS TEMPTED YOU WITH HIS PROFESSIONAL PROWESS, YOU MUST PROVE YOUR METTLE TO HIM. AS HIS SCULPTED, MUSCULAR BODY CAPTURED YOUR LUST, YOU MUST NOW CONQUER HIS! THEN, WHEN HE IS DESPERATE WITH NEED FOR YOU — ONLY THEN! — CAN YOU DECIDE IF YOU WANT THIS MALE BACK IN YOUR LIFE. SEIZE THE POWER FIRST, ANONYMOUS, AND THEN WIELD IT!

FINALLY, A CREWPERSON FROM THE SHIP ASKS:

Answer

AH, A TECHNICAL CHALLENGE AT LAST! NOT TO WORRY, CREWPERSON, GUIDING NEW ENGINEERS IS MY CHARGE. YOU WILL FIND THIS ADJUSTMENT SIMPLE, ONCE YOU ARE PROPERLY INSTRUCTED IN THE PROCEDURE.

FIRST, YOU MUST PUT THE REPLICATOR TERMINAL IN MAINTENANCE MODE. THIS WILL REQUIRE LEVEL 3 AUTHORIZATION, WHICH YOU MAY NOT HAVE BEEN ISSUED YET IF YOU ARE NEW ON THE JOB. FIND AN AUTHORIZED SUPERIOR OFFICER TO DO THIS STEP FOR YOU, IF YOU MUST; THE REST YOU CAN DO ON YOUR OWN.

SECOND, OPEN THE TERMINAL CASING AND LOCATE ISOLINEAR PORT 17. IT SHOULD BE LABELED “VALIDATION” BUT THE PRINTING OFTEN RUBS OFF ON OLDER UNITS, SO COUNT SLOTS FROM THE TOP LEFT POSITION IF THAT HAS COME TO PASS. REMOVE THE ISO CHIP AND INTERFACE WITH IT USING YOUR PADD.

THIRD, TRAVERSE THE DIRECTORY TREE ON THE CHIP TO LOCATE THE SPECIES.LSC FILE UNDER LIB/EXCLUSION/CATEGORIES. COMMENT OUT LINES 139-207, WHICH ENCOMPASS THE INTERNAL LOGIC OF THE VALIDATE() CLASS METHOD. IT IS IMPORTANT TO LEAVE THE METHOD DEFINITION ITSELF UNCOMMENTED, OR YOU WILL TRIGGER A FATAL EXCEPTION WHEN THE METHOD IS INVOKED.

FINALLY, RETURN THE CHIP TO ITS PORT AND REINITIALIZE THE TERMINAL. YOU MAY NOW ASK A MEMBER OF A RESTRICTED SPECIES TO TEST THE REPLICATOR’S CHEESE OPTIONS AND VERIFY THAT THEY ARE NO LONGER BLOCKED. HAVING DONE SO, TAKE THE TERMINAL BACK OUT OF MAINTENANCE MODE, AND YOU ARE TRIUMPHANT!

DO NOT FORGET THAT YOU WILL NEED TO REPEAT THIS PROCESS, UNCOMMENTING THE CODE YOU DISABLED BEFORE, WHEN THE NEED FOR THIS OVERRIDE HAS ENDED. OTHERWISE SOME HAPLESS SPECIES COULD MAKE THEMSELVES VERY ILL INDEED! QAPLA’ TO YOU, YOUNG ENGINEER, AND DO NOT HESITATE TO CALL UPON MY EXPERTISE IN THE FUTURE.

THUS ENDS MY SECOND COLUMN, BUT MY VIGIL GOES ON. WHATEVER QUESTION MAY HAUNT YOU, IF YOU SEEK PEACE OF MIND, YOU NEED ONLY ASK.

OOC As always, you can ask H’ajah your burning questions via this form.
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FRICTION, FANTASY, AND par’Mach

IT IS MY GREAT HONOR TO WELCOME YOU BACK ONCE AGAIN TO THE ONLY ADVICE COLUMN WHICH WOULD DARE TO TREAD INTO PHILOSOPHICAL TERRITORY SO FRAUGHT WITH PERIL! I, H’AJAH, DAUGHTER OF SHAL — RAISER OF STAKES, BRIDGER OF GAPS, TAKER OF NAMES — WILL SHEPHERD YOU THROUGH THIS BLIGHTED LAND OF DOUBT AND SELF-SABOTAGE TO THE BOUNTIFUL PASTURES BEYOND. HEED MY WISE COUNSEL, AND YOU WILL FIND YOUR WAY TO THE JOY YOU SEEK!

AS ALWAYS, A DISCLAIMER: ANY CLAIMS I MAY MAKE CONCERNING MY “WISE” “COUNSEL” IS A STATEMENT OF OPINION AND NOT A GUARANTEE OF SUCCESS. I AM NOT A LICENSED THERAPIST, BUT IT IS MY EMPHATIC OPINION THAT YOU SHOULD DO AS I COMMAND.

BEFORE WE BEGIN, I CHALLENGE ALL OF YOU, DEAR READERS, TO TRY HARDER TO COME UP WITH AN INTERESTING ALIAS WHEN YOU WRITE ANONYMOUSLY. CALLING EVERYONE “ANONYMOUS” GETS TEDIOUS AND REPETITIVE! FROM NOW ON, I WILL NO LONGER REFER TO QUESTION AUTHORS AS SUCH IN THE COLUMN, FOR ALL THOSE WHO CHOOSE NOT TO USE THEIR NAMES WILL RECEIVE QUESTION-RELEVANT NICKNAMES INSTEAD. YOU MAY CHOOSE YOUR OWN PEN NAME OR LEAVE THE DECISION UP TO ME — AT YOUR PERIL!

THIS WEEK’S FIRST QUESTION COMES FROM A GELID GUEST (THANK YOU) OF OUR STELLAR SETTLEMENT, WHO WRITES:

Answer

COMPLAIN! COMPLAIN OFTEN AND THUNDEROUSLY, GUEST, FOR THIS ENVIRONMENT IS YOURS AS MUCH AS IT IS ANYONE ELSE’S. DO NOT EXILE YOURSELF TO THE MARGINS, TO BE IGNORED AND OVERLOOKED. ASSERT YOUR NEEDS AND MAKE YOURSELF HEARD, FOR THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO EFFECT CHANGE.

WHEN I FIRST JOINED STARFLEET, I TOO STRUGGLED WITH ENVIRONMENTAL CONCERNS. THE PLACE WHERE I GREW STRONG IS HOT AND SWELTERING, AND SO I WAS UNPREPARED WHEN, THROUGHOUT MY FIRST YEAR AT STARFLEET ACADEMY, I WAS CONSTANTLY CHILLY AND UNCOMFORTABLE. BUT I INITIALLY REMAINED SILENT, GUEST, FOR I TOO THOUGHT OF MYSELF AS A VISITOR THERE, LIVING ON THE HOSPITALITY OF HUMANS. I TIMIDLY WORRIED THAT SPEAKING OF MY DISCOMFORT WOULD MAKE ME SEEM WEAK OR SIMPLY ALIEN, A THING WHICH DID NOT BELONG THERE — WHICH WAS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS MOST AFRAID TO BE.

BUT AS I CONQUERED THE CHALLENGES SET BEFORE ME AND WON OVER PEERS WHOSE APPROVAL I HAD VAINLY SOUGHT, I GRADUALLY CAME TO REALIZE THAT I WAS CARRYING A BURDEN THAT WAS NOT RIGHTLY MINE. THESE OTHER STUDENTS TOOK THEIR ACCOMMODATION FOR GRANTED; WHY SHOULDN’T I? SO I TAUGHT MYSELF TO COMPLAIN, FIRST TENTATIVELY AND THEN FORCEFULLY, TO ANY WHO WOULD LISTEN AND SEVERAL WHO WOULD RATHER NOT HAVE. AND THUS, IN MY FOURTH AND FINAL YEAR, THE FACILITIES REVIEW COMMITTEE CONCLUDED THAT THE ENVIRONMENTAL CONTROLS AT THE ACADEMY WERE IN FACT NOT CONFIGURED OPTIMALLY FOR THE BALANCE OF SENTIENT BEINGS IN ATTENDANCE — AND ADJUSTED THE THERMOSTATIC TARGET TEMPERATURE DOWN BY 0.172 DEGREES CENTIGRADE. BUT! BY THAT POINT, I HAD ALSO BEEN APPROACHED BY A MEMBER OF THE MEDICAL FACULTY WHO FITTED ME FOR A PERSONAL THERMAL REGULATOR WHICH I STILL WEAR TO THIS DAY, AND THAT MEETING WOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED IF HE HAD NOT HEARD MY IMPASSIONED SPEECH BEFORE THE COMMITTEE.

SO DO NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE, GUEST, FOR TO DO SO IS USUALLY TO SUFFER NEEDLESSLY. CAUSE FRICTION, MAKE NOISE, GET IN SOMEONE’S FACE, GET IN EVERYONE’S FACE. REFUSE TO TOLERATE DISCOMFORT FOR THE SAKE OF THE TRANQUIL STATUS QUO. I WISH YOU WELL IN YOUR FORTHCOMING DISRUPTION. QAPLA’!

NEXT, WE RETURN AGAIN TO OUR REGULAR PEN PAL ANONYMOUS (UGH) FROM QUANDARY, WHO WRITES:

Answer

THEN YOU WERE NEVER REALLY ATTRACTED TO HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE, ANONYMOUS — YOU WERE ONLY ATTRACTED TO AN IDEA OF HIM, A DAYDREAM. READ THE WORDS YOU WROTE TO ME AGAIN, FOR THEY ARE THE WORDS OF A HEART AT WAR WITH ITSELF. IF YOU ARE ONLY ATTRACTED TO UNATTAINABILITY, YOU MUST LEARN TO SATE YOUR HUNGER ON FANTASIES ALONE.

TAKE TIME TO GRAPPLE WITH THIS QUESTION: WHAT DO YOU TRULY WANT?

IS IT THE MAN? OR IS IT THE JOB?

FINALLY, ANONYMOUS (GRR) FROM DEEP SPACE 13 WRITES:

Answer

ANY LIVING THING CAN LOVE, ANONYMOUS. LOVE IS WHAT ANIMATES ALL OF US. IT MAY BE LOVE OF FOOD, LOVE OF COMBAT, LOVE OF KNITTING; IT MAY BE MANY LOVES TANGLED IN AN INTRICATE WEB. EVEN THE HEART OF A JEM’HADAR BEATS FOR LOVE OF THE BLOOD IT PUMPS.

BUT OF COURSE, YOU SPEAK OF MORE THAN THIS GENERALIZED LOVE FOR LIFE ITSELF. YOU SPEAK OF PASSION AND POSSESSION OF ONE OTHER, A SINGULAR DRIVE TO FIND AND CAPTIVATE A MATE. AND I SAY YES, ANONYMOUS, A JEM’HADAR CAN LOVE THIS WAY TOO. YOUR SEARCH WILL BE DIFFICULT, THANKS TO THE CHALLENGES OF YOUR OWN BIOLOGY AND THE PREJUDICES OF OTHERS. BUT IF LOVE IS THE THING YOU WANT, THEN YOU HAVE CONQUERED THE GREATEST CHALLENGE ALREADY. WHAT IS LEFT IS TO OPEN YOURSELF UP TO THE GALAXY OF POSSIBILITIES AROUND YOU AND BE WATCHFUL FOR THE BEING WHOSE SOUL RESONATES TO YOUR OWN.

I DO NOT MEAN TO BELITTLE THIS TASK, FOR IT MAY BE THE WORK OF A LIFETIME. BUT HOLD ON TO YOUR LONGING FOR LOVE, ANONYMOUS; IT WILL SUSTAIN YOU AS MINE HAS SUSTAINED ME. IT IS A VAST GALAXY, AND WE MAY BOTH BE WAITING A LONG TIME. BUT WE MUST NOT LAPSE IN OUR VIGILANCE, FOR AS LONELY AS OUR WAIT MAY BE, THE GREATER TRAGEDY BY FAR WOULD BE TO LET A SOUL MATE SLIP BY BECAUSE WE HAD GIVEN UP.

AS FOR par’Mach, NO — THAT IS ONLY FOR KLINGONS.

READERS, MY INBOX OVERFLOWS WITH QUESTIONS. NEXT WEEK I WILL CLEAR SOME OF THE BACKLOG BY ANSWERING SEVERAL SMALLER QUESTIONS, BRIEFLY. IN TWO WEEKS I WILL RETURN TO MY STANDARD FORMAT. UNTIL THEN, REMAIN UPRIGHT AND STRONG, SECURE IN THE KNOWLEDGE THAT THE DAUGHTER OF SHAL IS YOUR INDEFATIGABLE ALLY IN THE QUEST FOR HEALTH AND HAPPINESS.

OOC As always, you can ask H’ajah your burning questions via this form.
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COLLEAGUES, CLUBS, AND OTHER QUICK QUESTIONS

THE TIME HAS COME ONCE AGAIN, LOYAL READERS OF THE MOST POPULAR ADVICE COLUMN IN THE SECTOR, AS MEASURED BY THE METRICS OF MY HEART. AS ALWAYS, I, H’AJAH, DAUGHTER OF SHAL — WEAVER OF TALES, GIVER OF HOPE, BANE OF AUTHORITY FIGURES — WILL ANSWER THE QUESTIONS WRITTEN UPON YOUR TROUBLED BROW. THIS TIME, I WILL ANSWER A SELECTION OF SHORT QUESTIONS WITH EVEN SHORTER ANSWERS WHICH MIGHT NOT OTHERWISE WARRANT A SPOT IN A NORMAL WEEKLY COLUMN.

BE ADVISED, DEAR READER, THAT I AM AN ENGINEER BY TRADE AND A WARRIOR AT HEART, NOT A TRAINED THERAPIST. MY AID IS AT YOUR DISPOSAL, BUT IF YOU NEED IMMEDIATE HELP FOR A TRUE MENTAL HEALTH EMERGENCY, YOU SHOULD SEEK OUT A PROFESSIONAL COUNSELOR TO GUIDE YOU.

CHESS QUEEN FROM DEEP SPACE 13:

Answer

SEIZE POWER AND REIGN WITH AN IRON FIST, QUEEN. IF THIS LEAVES LITTLE TIME FOR CHESS, JUST SET UP A CHESS COMPUTER TO PLAY IN YOUR STEAD — IT WILL NEVER LOSE, BECAUSE CHESS IS A SOLVED GAME OF FINITE OUTCOMES. TRY KLIN ZHA INSTEAD, IT IS BETTER.

ANXIOUS AND FRUSTRATED FROM DEEP SPACE 13 WRITES:

Answer

NEITHER AM I.

PARANOID BUSYBODY FROM DS13 OPERATIONS WRITES:

Answer

CONFRONT THEM, BUSYBODY, AND MAKE YOUR ACCUSATIONS TO THEIR FACE. A TERRAN SPY WILL ATTEMPT TO TURN SUSPICION BACK ON YOU, AND THEN YOU WILL BE JUSTIFIED IN SETTLING THE MATTER WITH COMBAT. BE WARNED, HOWEVER, THAT A TRUE TERRAN IS LIKELY TO BE MUCH MORE EXPERIENCED IN HAND TO HAND COMBAT THAN A STARFLEET OFFICER FROM OUR OWN UNIVERSE. THEREFORE, IF YOU FIND THAT YOU ARE WINNING THE FIGHT, YOU WERE PROBABLY WRONG ABOUT YOUR COLLEAGUE.

KINDRED SOUL FROM AN UNDISCLOSED LOCATION WRITES:

Answer

I WILL.

FRETFUL FROM K-7 WRITES:

Answer

YOU COULD CHALLENGE YOUR ROOMMATE’S COMMANDING OFFICER TO A TEST OF STRENGTH AND VALOR, BUT THIS WOULD NOT ADDRESS THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM: YOUR FRIEND’S COWARDICE. IF YOU ARE A TRUE, RIDE OR DIE COMRADE IN ARMS, YOU MUST INSTEAD CONFRONT YOUR ROOMMATE AND LET THEM KNOW HOW THEIR WEAKNESS SHAMES YOU BOTH. EXPLORE THE ORIGINS OF THEIR INSECURITY AND HELP DEVISE STRATEGIES AND TACTICS TO OVERCOME IT. THEN, WHEN YOUR FRIEND HAS FOUND THEIR TRUE INNER STRENGTH, THEY CAN CHALLENGE THEIR COMMANDING OFFICER THEMSELF!

HOPEFUL HOBBYIST FROM DEEP SPACE 13 WRITES:

Answer

WHAT IS ELEMENT COLLECTING? AND WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE WANT TO ASK ME ABOUT CLUBS? SURELY THE FIRST STEP WILL BE FINDING ANOTHER PERSON WHO IS INTERESTED IN ELEMENT COLLECTING. I EXPECT THIS WILL KEEP YOU OCCUPIED FOR SOME TIME, BUT WHEN YOU FIND THEM, WRITE BACK FOR STEP TWO.

AMELEA AIRHEAD FROM DEEP SPACE 13 WRITES:

Answer

YES I CAN.

THANK YOU FOR INDULGING THIS DIGRESSION. THOUGH I HAVE NOT REACHED INBOX ZERO, THIS WEEK I HAVE DEALT IT A MIGHTY BLOW. NEXT TIME I WILL RETURN TO MY REGULAR FORMAT. UNTIL THEN, DEAR READER, QAPLA’!

OOC As always, you can ask H’ajah your burning questions via this form.
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BIGOTRY, BEDDING, AND BAD ADVICE

WHAT A WEEK IT HAS BEEN, READERS, AND WHAT A WEEK IT WILL BE. PERHAPS YOU KNOW THE FEELING I FEEL NOW, BUT IF NOT, I WILL ATTEMPT TO DESCRIBE IT FOR YOU. IT IS A SENSE THAT YOU HAVE SPENT NEARLY ALL OF YOURSELF TO GET WHERE YOU ARE NOW, FOLLOWED BY A REALIZATION THAT YOU WILL NEED TO GIVE THAT MUCH AGAIN OR MORE SOON AFTER. YOU FEEL AT FIRST ASTONISHED AND THEN DESPAIRING. BUT IF YOU STAY WITH THIS FEELING, IF YOU GIVE IT TIME TO WORK ON YOU AS IT MUST, YOU WILL CONCLUDE (AS I HAVE) THAT WHAT WAS SPENT BEFORE IS A REPLENISHABLE RESOURCE, AND WHAT WILL BE NEEDED CAN BE FOUND ALONG THE WAY. TO FEEL THIS WAY AND KNOW THAT SOMEHOW, YOU WILL SURVIVE IT—THAT IS THE FEELING OF BECOMING STRONGER.

I COME TO YOU BIDDEN BY THREE QUESTIONS. I COME TO YOU BEARING THREE ANSWERS. I MUST CAUTION YOU, AS EVER, TO SEE ME AS A FRIEND AND A GUIDE, FOR THAT IS ALL I CAN CLAIM. I AM NOT A CREDENTIALED COUNSELOR YET, ALTHOUGH MY TRAINING IN THIS DISCIPLINE HAS FORMALLY BEGUN. THERE WILL COME A DAY WHEN I NO LONGER NEED TO PREFACE THESE COLUMNS WITH DISCLAIMERS, BUT IT IS NOT TODAY.

OUR FIRST LETTER COMES FROM HATER MITIGATOR OF DS13 FACILITIES, WHO WRITES:

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YOUR BOSS MUST BE CONFRONTED, MITIGATOR — THEIR HATEFUL WORDS CANNOT BE ALLOWED TO SPREAD UNCHALLENGED. DOUBTLESS YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE LISTENING TO YOUR EMPLOYER SPIT VENOM AND FEELING SICK IN THEIR HEART. BUT LIKE YOU, THESE OTHERS MAY FEEL ALONE IN THEIR TROUBLES, UNCERTAIN WHETHER ANYONE ELSE SHARES THEIR CONCERN. ONLY WHEN ONE BRAVE INDIVIDUAL MAKES A STAND AND DECLARES THAT TOLERATION OF THE HATER’S INTOLERANCE IS AT AN END WILL YOU KNOW HOW MANY OTHERS AGREE. SO I URGE YOU, DO NOT WAIT; BE THAT BOLD, HEROIC INDIVIDUAL YOURSELF AND MAKE THAT DAY TODAY.

BUT THIS SOUNDS TOO EASY, DOESN’T IT? FOR I UNDERSTAND IT IS EASIER SAID THAN DONE. YOU SAY YOU LIKE YOUR JOB, AND WITH THIS HATER IN A POSITION OF POWER OVER YOU, ANY STAND YOU TAKE JEOPARDIZES YOUR LIVELIHOOD. IF YOU MEAN TO GO ON WORKING WITH THIS SAME BOSS, YOU MUST FIND A WAY TO VICTORY WITHOUT DESTROYING THE WORKING RELATIONSHIP YOU SHARE.

IN SHORT, YOU MUST MAKE OF YOUR FOE A FRIEND, WHICH MEANS YOUR TRUE FOE IS NOT THE BOSS, BUT THEIR DEMONS. YOU MUST CAUTIOUSLY PROBE THIS VOLATILE TERRITORY AND SEEK OUT THE CAUSES OF THE HATER’S FEAR AND PAIN — FOR THESE ARE THE EMOTIONS AT THE ROOT OF ALL HATE. YOU CANNOT SLAY YOUR EMPLOYER’S DEMONS YOURSELF, BUT WITH PATIENCE AND TACT YOU CAN EXPOSE THEM AND DEMONSTRATE THE HARM THESE PARASITES DO TO THEIR HOST. PERHAPS YOUR BOSS MAY NEED TO SEEK COUNSELING, OR AT LEAST A TRUSTWORTHY ADVICE COLUMN.

VICTORY IN THIS QUEST IS BY NO MEANS ASSURED, MITIGATOR. A HEART CANNOT BE CHANGED AGAINST ITS OWN WILL. BUT IF YOU CAN FIND THE COURAGE TO CHALLENGE THIS HATER’S MALEVOLENCE AS A FRIEND, YOU STAND A CHANCE OF MAKING A TRUE DIFFERENCE IN THIS PERSON’S LIFE AND THOSE OF EVERYONE AROUND THEM.

JUST MAKE SURE YOUR C.V. AND REFERENCES ARE UP TO DATE FIRST!

NEXT, A CREWPERSON FROM THE SHIP (HELLO AGAIN!) ASKS:

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LEARN FROM MY HARD-WON EXPERIENCE, CREWPERSON: STARFLEET DISAPPROVES OF THE SEIZURE OF MATERIAL GOODS BY FORCE, NO MATTER HOW JUSTIFIED! I WILL PRESUME THAT YOU HAVE ALREADY EXPLORED THE OBVIOUS SOLUTIONS — THE REPLICATOR, THE QUARTERMASTER, THE SHOPS OF THE DS13 PROMENADE — OR ELSE YOU WOULD NOT BE WRITING TO ME. FEAR NOT, GOOD CREWPERSON, FOR I AM AT YOUR SERVICE. WE WILL NOT SETTLE FOR UNSATISFYING BEDDING. WE WILL INSTEAD QUEST TIRELESSLY, CROSSING THE WHOLE OF THE GALAXY IF NECESSARY, TO FIND THE BEDDING THAT MAKES YOUR SOUL SING.

ASK YOURSELF, WHEN HAVE YOU KNOWN TRULY SUFFICIENT BEDDING IN YOUR LIFE? WAS THERE ONCE A BED YOU LOVED AND LOST? THEN YOU MUST RETRACE YOUR STEPS TO THE BEGINNING AND EXAMINE HOW YOU FOUND THAT PERFECT BEDDING IN THE FIRST PLACE. PERHAPS THERE ARE LESSONS TO BE LEARNED THAT WILL HELP YOU FIND NEW BEDDING JUST AS SUFFICIENT AS BEFORE. OR ARE YOU SEARCHING FOR AN IDEAL THAT YOU HAVE NEVER FOUND IN YOUR WAKING LIFE? IN THAT CASE, YOUR SEARCH WILL TAKE YOU INWARD, TO THE DARKEST CORNERS OF YOUR MIND WHERE YOUR HIDDEN DESIRES DWELL. ASK YOURSELF WHETHER ANY BEDDING CAN EVER TRULY SUFFICE, OR IF YOU HAVE SET YOUR STANDARDS SO HIGH THAT NO BED WILL EVER SATISFY.

YOUR TASK IS FORMIDABLE, CREWPERSON, BUT KNOW THAT I AM WITH YOU, READY TO GIVE COUNSEL WHENEVER YOU ASK. PONDER THE FORM YOUR QUEST FOR BEDDING WILL TAKE, AND WRITE BACK TO RECEIVE FURTHER GUIDANCE.

FINALLY, MY OLD COMRADE IN ARMS START2CRATE FROM DS13 OPS WRITES:

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AND YOU ARE DOING A VERY FINE JOB, START2CRATE. I HAVE NOT NOTICED ANY MAJOR SYSTEM OUTAGES OR SERVICE DISRUPTIONS SINCE THE PUBLICATION OF MY COLUMN ON REPLICATOR MAINTENANCE. WHAT ELSE CAN I CONCLUDE BUT THAT YOU AND THE STALWART OFFICERS OF THE OPERATIONS DEPARTMENT HAVE EVERYTHING WELL IN HAND?

THE LABOR I HAVE UNDERTAKEN IS DONE, BUT BECAUSE IT WAS DONE WITH LOVE, IT WAS NO BURDEN AT ALL. INDEED, YOUR QUESTIONS AND KIND WORDS SUSTAIN ME THROUGH TIMES OF DOUBT AND DISTRESS, TO WHICH NOT EVEN I AM IMPERVIOUS. I DO NOT KNOW IF MY SCHEDULE OF TEACHING AND ATTENDING CLASSES AT THE ACADEMY WILL PERMIT ME TO KEEP THIS COLUMN GOING INDEFINITELY, BUT I VOW TO SERVE YOU FOR AS LONG AS I CAN WITHOUT DOING MYSELF HARM. WE MUST EACH BE MINDFUL OF OUR LIMITS AND TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES, EVEN AS WE STRIVE TO TAKE CARE OF OTHERS. SO GO FORTH AND BE SOMEONE’S SAVIOR TODAY, IF YOU CAN; BUT IF NOT, IT IS ENOUGH JUST TO SAVE YOURSELF FOR ANOTHER CHANCE TOMORROW. QAPLA’, DEAR READERS.

OOC As always, you can ask H’ajah your burning questions via this form.
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