FRICTION, FANTASY, AND par’Mach
IT IS MY GREAT HONOR TO WELCOME YOU BACK ONCE AGAIN TO THE ONLY ADVICE COLUMN WHICH WOULD DARE TO TREAD INTO PHILOSOPHICAL TERRITORY SO FRAUGHT WITH PERIL! I, H’AJAH, DAUGHTER OF SHAL — RAISER OF STAKES, BRIDGER OF GAPS, TAKER OF NAMES — WILL SHEPHERD YOU THROUGH THIS BLIGHTED LAND OF DOUBT AND SELF-SABOTAGE TO THE BOUNTIFUL PASTURES BEYOND. HEED MY WISE COUNSEL, AND YOU WILL FIND YOUR WAY TO THE JOY YOU SEEK!
AS ALWAYS, A DISCLAIMER: ANY CLAIMS I MAY MAKE CONCERNING MY “WISE” “COUNSEL” IS A STATEMENT OF OPINION AND NOT A GUARANTEE OF SUCCESS. I AM NOT A LICENSED THERAPIST, BUT IT IS MY EMPHATIC OPINION THAT YOU SHOULD DO AS I COMMAND.
BEFORE WE BEGIN, I CHALLENGE ALL OF YOU, DEAR READERS, TO TRY HARDER TO COME UP WITH AN INTERESTING ALIAS WHEN YOU WRITE ANONYMOUSLY. CALLING EVERYONE “ANONYMOUS” GETS TEDIOUS AND REPETITIVE! FROM NOW ON, I WILL NO LONGER REFER TO QUESTION AUTHORS AS SUCH IN THE COLUMN, FOR ALL THOSE WHO CHOOSE NOT TO USE THEIR NAMES WILL RECEIVE QUESTION-RELEVANT NICKNAMES INSTEAD. YOU MAY CHOOSE YOUR OWN PEN NAME OR LEAVE THE DECISION UP TO ME — AT YOUR PERIL!
THIS WEEK’S FIRST QUESTION COMES FROM A GELID GUEST (THANK YOU) OF OUR STELLAR SETTLEMENT, WHO WRITES:
Answer
COMPLAIN! COMPLAIN OFTEN AND THUNDEROUSLY, GUEST, FOR THIS ENVIRONMENT IS YOURS AS MUCH AS IT IS ANYONE ELSE’S. DO NOT EXILE YOURSELF TO THE MARGINS, TO BE IGNORED AND OVERLOOKED. ASSERT YOUR NEEDS AND MAKE YOURSELF HEARD, FOR THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO EFFECT CHANGE.
WHEN I FIRST JOINED STARFLEET, I TOO STRUGGLED WITH ENVIRONMENTAL CONCERNS. THE PLACE WHERE I GREW STRONG IS HOT AND SWELTERING, AND SO I WAS UNPREPARED WHEN, THROUGHOUT MY FIRST YEAR AT STARFLEET ACADEMY, I WAS CONSTANTLY CHILLY AND UNCOMFORTABLE. BUT I INITIALLY REMAINED SILENT, GUEST, FOR I TOO THOUGHT OF MYSELF AS A VISITOR THERE, LIVING ON THE HOSPITALITY OF HUMANS. I TIMIDLY WORRIED THAT SPEAKING OF MY DISCOMFORT WOULD MAKE ME SEEM WEAK OR SIMPLY ALIEN, A THING WHICH DID NOT BELONG THERE — WHICH WAS EXACTLY WHAT I WAS MOST AFRAID TO BE.
BUT AS I CONQUERED THE CHALLENGES SET BEFORE ME AND WON OVER PEERS WHOSE APPROVAL I HAD VAINLY SOUGHT, I GRADUALLY CAME TO REALIZE THAT I WAS CARRYING A BURDEN THAT WAS NOT RIGHTLY MINE. THESE OTHER STUDENTS TOOK THEIR ACCOMMODATION FOR GRANTED; WHY SHOULDN’T I? SO I TAUGHT MYSELF TO COMPLAIN, FIRST TENTATIVELY AND THEN FORCEFULLY, TO ANY WHO WOULD LISTEN AND SEVERAL WHO WOULD RATHER NOT HAVE. AND THUS, IN MY FOURTH AND FINAL YEAR, THE FACILITIES REVIEW COMMITTEE CONCLUDED THAT THE ENVIRONMENTAL CONTROLS AT THE ACADEMY WERE IN FACT NOT CONFIGURED OPTIMALLY FOR THE BALANCE OF SENTIENT BEINGS IN ATTENDANCE — AND ADJUSTED THE THERMOSTATIC TARGET TEMPERATURE DOWN BY 0.172 DEGREES CENTIGRADE. BUT! BY THAT POINT, I HAD ALSO BEEN APPROACHED BY A MEMBER OF THE MEDICAL FACULTY WHO FITTED ME FOR A PERSONAL THERMAL REGULATOR WHICH I STILL WEAR TO THIS DAY, AND THAT MEETING WOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED IF HE HAD NOT HEARD MY IMPASSIONED SPEECH BEFORE THE COMMITTEE.
SO DO NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE, GUEST, FOR TO DO SO IS USUALLY TO SUFFER NEEDLESSLY. CAUSE FRICTION, MAKE NOISE, GET IN SOMEONE’S FACE, GET IN EVERYONE’S FACE. REFUSE TO TOLERATE DISCOMFORT FOR THE SAKE OF THE TRANQUIL STATUS QUO. I WISH YOU WELL IN YOUR FORTHCOMING DISRUPTION. QAPLA’!
NEXT, WE RETURN AGAIN TO OUR REGULAR PEN PAL ANONYMOUS (UGH) FROM QUANDARY, WHO WRITES:
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THEN YOU WERE NEVER REALLY ATTRACTED TO HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE, ANONYMOUS — YOU WERE ONLY ATTRACTED TO AN IDEA OF HIM, A DAYDREAM. READ THE WORDS YOU WROTE TO ME AGAIN, FOR THEY ARE THE WORDS OF A HEART AT WAR WITH ITSELF. IF YOU ARE ONLY ATTRACTED TO UNATTAINABILITY, YOU MUST LEARN TO SATE YOUR HUNGER ON FANTASIES ALONE.
TAKE TIME TO GRAPPLE WITH THIS QUESTION: WHAT DO YOU TRULY WANT?
IS IT THE MAN? OR IS IT THE JOB?
FINALLY, ANONYMOUS (GRR) FROM DEEP SPACE 13 WRITES:
Answer
ANY LIVING THING CAN LOVE, ANONYMOUS. LOVE IS WHAT ANIMATES ALL OF US. IT MAY BE LOVE OF FOOD, LOVE OF COMBAT, LOVE OF KNITTING; IT MAY BE MANY LOVES TANGLED IN AN INTRICATE WEB. EVEN THE HEART OF A JEM’HADAR BEATS FOR LOVE OF THE BLOOD IT PUMPS.
BUT OF COURSE, YOU SPEAK OF MORE THAN THIS GENERALIZED LOVE FOR LIFE ITSELF. YOU SPEAK OF PASSION AND POSSESSION OF ONE OTHER, A SINGULAR DRIVE TO FIND AND CAPTIVATE A MATE. AND I SAY YES, ANONYMOUS, A JEM’HADAR CAN LOVE THIS WAY TOO. YOUR SEARCH WILL BE DIFFICULT, THANKS TO THE CHALLENGES OF YOUR OWN BIOLOGY AND THE PREJUDICES OF OTHERS. BUT IF LOVE IS THE THING YOU WANT, THEN YOU HAVE CONQUERED THE GREATEST CHALLENGE ALREADY. WHAT IS LEFT IS TO OPEN YOURSELF UP TO THE GALAXY OF POSSIBILITIES AROUND YOU AND BE WATCHFUL FOR THE BEING WHOSE SOUL RESONATES TO YOUR OWN.
I DO NOT MEAN TO BELITTLE THIS TASK, FOR IT MAY BE THE WORK OF A LIFETIME. BUT HOLD ON TO YOUR LONGING FOR LOVE, ANONYMOUS; IT WILL SUSTAIN YOU AS MINE HAS SUSTAINED ME. IT IS A VAST GALAXY, AND WE MAY BOTH BE WAITING A LONG TIME. BUT WE MUST NOT LAPSE IN OUR VIGILANCE, FOR AS LONELY AS OUR WAIT MAY BE, THE GREATER TRAGEDY BY FAR WOULD BE TO LET A SOUL MATE SLIP BY BECAUSE WE HAD GIVEN UP.
AS FOR par’Mach, NO — THAT IS ONLY FOR KLINGONS.
READERS, MY INBOX OVERFLOWS WITH QUESTIONS. NEXT WEEK I WILL CLEAR SOME OF THE BACKLOG BY ANSWERING SEVERAL SMALLER QUESTIONS, BRIEFLY. IN TWO WEEKS I WILL RETURN TO MY STANDARD FORMAT. UNTIL THEN, REMAIN UPRIGHT AND STRONG, SECURE IN THE KNOWLEDGE THAT THE DAUGHTER OF SHAL IS YOUR INDEFATIGABLE ALLY IN THE QUEST FOR HEALTH AND HAPPINESS.
OOC As always, you can ask H’ajah your burning questions via this form.