Personal Log. Stardate 93819.4
People have told me that these logs are how senior officers track their thoughts so I think I should do the same.
The voice seems unsure as if it's scared to divulge anything important. A sigh is heard.
Well here goes.
I've been at DS 13 for a while now. Things were a bit hectic when I arrived, what with all the paper work but now...now I'm stuck doing part time shifts in the science department. It seems like my confident letter wasn't confident enough.
The voice seems to grow in confidence
Maybe LT CMDR Konieczko was right. I should've gone up the chain of command instead of throwing the notice at the highest ranking officer. But how was I to know? Commander Caspius was the only person I had met.
And that LT CMDR Konieczko...what do people call her...Tilly? I screwed it up with her badly. And with her being a counsellor and all, she could file all my failures into my record and then...then I'd never get promoted.
A head can be heard hitting the table and the voice becomes muffled slightly.
Oh man I really screwed that up. But I did apologise...it's not my fault Swifty, yes I think that's his name, can't make Arabian tea. I wasn't that harsh on him, was I?
Oh but I did meet other people in the bar. Perhaps I should go more often. There was the Captain, Quint, I think his name was. And the other Captain, Beylara? Of course there was Counsellor Tilly. Oh and the funny cadet who had never tried dates before!
The voice isn't muffled anymore, and is more animated.
Yes, she was funny. Riannia bint Marcus Tierno. Oh but she doesn't like that so I must not call her that. Just Rianni. She was a nice girl, nice and kind.
They all were kind. Even Tilly, in a way.
Oh but that other counsellor I met today, Eunha, she was really nice! She even helped me with my experiment. Well. Not really, *I* found out what the problem was myself.
Sulayman still seems proud of his achievement
She could be right though. Maybe if I gave people some more time, DS 13 will be home. I do have to stay here until the al Haytham arrives. Perhaps I should try and make *some* friends. I know I have work to do but I'm going to be driven insane if I have to stay on the Starbase for the next few months without even going into space. Maybe Eunha will let me on the Valley Forge for a bit.
There is a slight ping
Oh, my egg is ready!
There's a shuffle as Sulayman gets up, followed by movement. Finally, Sulayman can be heard saying "mmm"
Now *THAT* is the perfect half boiled egg! Computer, end log.
3 Likes
Personal Log - Stardate 94003.2
Sulayman's voice is kind of breathless as if he's been for a light jog.
I...really...don't know what just happened. She...she kissed me! On the cheek. Kissed...me! Just like that... It was...weird. Nice...but weird.
It seems to be moving forward so fast...I'm not sure I'm ready for this...I don't know what this is...I've never been in love with someone before - wait...is this love? I like her but...love? Is this what love feels like?
I mean she's very cute and very confusing. She makes me happy and makes me feel relaxed. I didn't know counsellors could make you feel that way. And she's very understanding. Very understanding. But sometimes she's happy and playful and then other times she's very closed and sarcastic...is that how people always are? She did say that's how she deals with people.
Oh, this is all very confusing... Relationships are very confusing. I think my work is beginning to suffer because of it; I made a coffee machine in my spare time for her! I could have used the time for something more productive! And look at all these love poems I've written;
There is a shuffle of paper before Sulayman reads something out;
"Your hair as soft as the pale moonlight,
Your smile which lights my way at night..."
He stops rather abruptly.
I don't know...I will indulge in this for a while longer and see if I can understand what this is. If not...my duties on the al-Haytham will provide a necessary distraction. Anyway, I shouldn't keep her waiting.
End Log.
Sulayman's voice is kind of breathless as if he's been for a light jog.
I...really...don't know what just happened. She...she kissed me! On the cheek. Kissed...me! Just like that... It was...weird. Nice...but weird.
It seems to be moving forward so fast...I'm not sure I'm ready for this...I don't know what this is...I've never been in love with someone before - wait...is this love? I like her but...love? Is this what love feels like?
I mean she's very cute and very confusing. She makes me happy and makes me feel relaxed. I didn't know counsellors could make you feel that way. And she's very understanding. Very understanding. But sometimes she's happy and playful and then other times she's very closed and sarcastic...is that how people always are? She did say that's how she deals with people.
Oh, this is all very confusing... Relationships are very confusing. I think my work is beginning to suffer because of it; I made a coffee machine in my spare time for her! I could have used the time for something more productive! And look at all these love poems I've written;
There is a shuffle of paper before Sulayman reads something out;
"Your hair as soft as the pale moonlight,
Your smile which lights my way at night..."
He stops rather abruptly.
I don't know...I will indulge in this for a while longer and see if I can understand what this is. If not...my duties on the al-Haytham will provide a necessary distraction. Anyway, I shouldn't keep her waiting.
End Log.
3 Likes
Personal Log - Stardate 94040.7
Eunha and I went shopping! I didn't realise shopping could be so fun! She picked out some wonderful clothes for me, and then we went to got some ice cream...oh it was a fantastic day.
And then!
His voice grows with excitement.
The al-Haytham is finally here! I'm so happy! Finally, finally, finally! Oh what's this?
A scrabbling can be heard.
To Lieutenant Commander al Firawn. As you have no doubt heard, the al Haytham has arrived at DS13. Please come and see me at a convenient time so that we may discuss our orders.
Captain V'Lala, USS al Haytham.
There is a thunk and as the PADD is placed down.
So I am not dreaming! This has been the best day ever! Oh I have to go and see the Captain at once!
A door can be heard opening and closing and then there is complete silence for the next five hours of recording. The door is then heard opening again and there is what seems to be some movement. A voice can be heard singing before it stops. There are hurried footsteps that grow louder.
Oh, you have to be kidding me...has this been on the entire time?
End Log.
Eunha and I went shopping! I didn't realise shopping could be so fun! She picked out some wonderful clothes for me, and then we went to got some ice cream...oh it was a fantastic day.
And then!
His voice grows with excitement.
The al-Haytham is finally here! I'm so happy! Finally, finally, finally! Oh what's this?
A scrabbling can be heard.
To Lieutenant Commander al Firawn. As you have no doubt heard, the al Haytham has arrived at DS13. Please come and see me at a convenient time so that we may discuss our orders.
Captain V'Lala, USS al Haytham.
There is a thunk and as the PADD is placed down.
So I am not dreaming! This has been the best day ever! Oh I have to go and see the Captain at once!
A door can be heard opening and closing and then there is complete silence for the next five hours of recording. The door is then heard opening again and there is what seems to be some movement. A voice can be heard singing before it stops. There are hurried footsteps that grow louder.
Oh, you have to be kidding me...has this been on the entire time?
End Log.
2 Likes
Personal Log, Stardate 94074.6
I have sinned. Not once, but twice. I knew it was wrong, knew it was forbidden but like Adam in the Garden, it was too alluring, too tempting for me. And it is a temptation I succumbed to because I am a man, weak in the desires of this world.
But I enjoyed it. I let it happen, I wanted it. Not just once, but twice. And I would do it again, though wrong it may be. With her...
A chair scrapes and the voice gets fainter. Sips of a drink can be heard.
Is it wrong to dream of a future when my life has already been written out? Is it wrong to want something, even though God did not intend it to be? But one can never know what God has written; we are but characters in a book, one that the author knows what the ending is like but us, the character, has no clue what lies on the next page. So we make our choices, believing that we are indeed the master and commander, but it is nothing - an illusion. For we are moved by a higher power, one that knows our final goal. It sounds depressing, knowing that whatever we do, nothing is ever in our power...and yet. And yet we despair. And yet we flounder and flail like our decisions matter. But is that not the point? Is that not what makes man...man? Is that not the test of what our morality is? Faced with the illusion of choice...what do we do? Do we do what is good and right, or do we do evil and wrong? Or do we do nothing, sit by whilst life passes us by and we wither way, turning into dust, without ever having had a chance to live? Through action, or inaction, we reveal to ourselves and to others who we really are. And this is what God tries to make us understand by this illusion of free will. Who we truly are. What we really are...
And what am I?
I know what I am. A fornicator. I committed Zina and I should be ashamed of it. I removed myself from temptation for twenty-seven years. And within two days, I threw that away not once, but twice. I did wrong...but I am not unhappy with myself. I know what was wrong and I have protected myself for all this time...for one person. If it is not she, then whom? If God had not intended that I be with her, then why did he open my eyes, my tongue and my heart? I should take steps to eradicate the problem and I have...but she does not believe and I respect her; Islam teaches tolerance and cooperation between all. So whilst I may want to move forward, she might not. And that is good. Commitments should be for life. They should not be rushed because of temporary lust. So what happens, happens. I cannot deny what I, or she, might want; the moments when we don't wish to part, where we love more than any love before, where our love and our souls entwine. I will not. I will embrace what we have. I do not know what God has planned. I do not know what lies beyond the second I live within. But I will use my faith, and my morals, and my heart to guide me to the future. I hope, I pray, that that is with Eunha. Because with her...God has said that marriage completes half of your faith. She completes the half of me that I saved for that special someone. So if it is to be, then it is to be. If not...then God knows what is best. He did create me after all, and to him, I will one day return.
The voice gets louder as it seems to return.
I enjoy my time with her. I do not feel guilty about what I have done. Maybe that in itself is a sign from God that all is well. Whatever comes, however, I will continue to grow my love for her. Maybe even until the day I die.
End Log.
I have sinned. Not once, but twice. I knew it was wrong, knew it was forbidden but like Adam in the Garden, it was too alluring, too tempting for me. And it is a temptation I succumbed to because I am a man, weak in the desires of this world.
But I enjoyed it. I let it happen, I wanted it. Not just once, but twice. And I would do it again, though wrong it may be. With her...
A chair scrapes and the voice gets fainter. Sips of a drink can be heard.
Is it wrong to dream of a future when my life has already been written out? Is it wrong to want something, even though God did not intend it to be? But one can never know what God has written; we are but characters in a book, one that the author knows what the ending is like but us, the character, has no clue what lies on the next page. So we make our choices, believing that we are indeed the master and commander, but it is nothing - an illusion. For we are moved by a higher power, one that knows our final goal. It sounds depressing, knowing that whatever we do, nothing is ever in our power...and yet. And yet we despair. And yet we flounder and flail like our decisions matter. But is that not the point? Is that not what makes man...man? Is that not the test of what our morality is? Faced with the illusion of choice...what do we do? Do we do what is good and right, or do we do evil and wrong? Or do we do nothing, sit by whilst life passes us by and we wither way, turning into dust, without ever having had a chance to live? Through action, or inaction, we reveal to ourselves and to others who we really are. And this is what God tries to make us understand by this illusion of free will. Who we truly are. What we really are...
And what am I?
I know what I am. A fornicator. I committed Zina and I should be ashamed of it. I removed myself from temptation for twenty-seven years. And within two days, I threw that away not once, but twice. I did wrong...but I am not unhappy with myself. I know what was wrong and I have protected myself for all this time...for one person. If it is not she, then whom? If God had not intended that I be with her, then why did he open my eyes, my tongue and my heart? I should take steps to eradicate the problem and I have...but she does not believe and I respect her; Islam teaches tolerance and cooperation between all. So whilst I may want to move forward, she might not. And that is good. Commitments should be for life. They should not be rushed because of temporary lust. So what happens, happens. I cannot deny what I, or she, might want; the moments when we don't wish to part, where we love more than any love before, where our love and our souls entwine. I will not. I will embrace what we have. I do not know what God has planned. I do not know what lies beyond the second I live within. But I will use my faith, and my morals, and my heart to guide me to the future. I hope, I pray, that that is with Eunha. Because with her...God has said that marriage completes half of your faith. She completes the half of me that I saved for that special someone. So if it is to be, then it is to be. If not...then God knows what is best. He did create me after all, and to him, I will one day return.
The voice gets louder as it seems to return.
I enjoy my time with her. I do not feel guilty about what I have done. Maybe that in itself is a sign from God that all is well. Whatever comes, however, I will continue to grow my love for her. Maybe even until the day I die.
End Log.
4 Likes
Personal Log - Stardate 94127.3
You can't predict life; God knows best. If I had planned out my life, it would not have been like this, but alhumdulillah God knows best for me and has seemingly blessed my life. And I am thankful for it, truly.
I don't think I am the same person who arrived on this starbase, months ago. I have seemingly developed and changed, into a person who is...better? No, I don't know how you can measure betterness in terms of development. I'm different; whether that is for the better, or for the worse is yet to be seen.
Work has been great, the Captain seems to have faith in me and this study has been really fascinating. For my first project on such a grand scale, I think I have done really well, and I am proud of what I - no, what we, the crew, have done. But there is still much more work to be done.
As for other life...well. I think it's public knowledge that Eunha and I are together, and I'm not sure how I feel about that...would people treat us differently? It's been a few weeks since we've started living together, two nights at hers, two nights at mine. It's been weirdly beneficial for me, in terms of making me not work all the time. And it's been good for our relationship...I think.
Looking after T'Pia, Captain Se'Lai's baby daughter, was fun, but it made me think. What would happen if our relationship developed to the point where we start thinking about having children of our own? Am I ready for a child? Eunha keeps reassuring me that I looked after the baby well. Watching her, look after the baby, looking after the baby together...it felt like we were parents ourselves.
Captain Nimitz was right, overthinking is not good. But neither is not thinking...and how can I measure how much is too much thinking? My life has been built around planning extensively, but now? Ever since I arrived, my plans don't seem to hold much weight and things just start to develop by themselves...I know God has a plan for me, but it would just be nice to know that my plans for once are the right ones. But then again, my plans would not have ended up like this.
I'm just worried about messing things up. Messing things up with Eunha, messing things up on the al-Haytham, messing things up for my career.
My love for my work has had to be shared with my love for Eunha, and now...my love for something else...
As if on cue, there is a small bark.
I spent the entire visit to the pet store hidden behind Eunha, fighting the urge to run. That's when I saw her do the same, hidden in the corner. And then she turned to look at me, and I knew she had to be the one. She was beautiful, eye-catching even. In Arabic, the word for that is Rana. And so that's what I called her. Rana.
The dog gives another little bark at the sound of her name, and there is a shuffle as she jumps onto his lap. He chuckles.
Rana is such a breath of fresh air. She's adorable, she's smart and she's...perfect. Once again, God's plans are better than what mine would have been.
Okay, time to get back to work.
Rana yaps.
Of course, it's time to feed you first!
End log.
3 Likes
Personal Log - Stardate 94210.9
Computer, upload file E/S twenty-four seventeen foxtrot.
File uploaded
Save and end log.
Computer, upload file E/S twenty-four seventeen foxtrot.
File uploaded
Save and end log.
Spoiler: E/S twenty-four seventeen foxtrotShow
1 Like
Personal Log - Stardate 94289.7
"I'm looking for a new XO and I think you would make a promising candidate,"
Me? She wanted me as XO? On a ship I only set foot on yesterday? I...I couldn't...so I refused. But maybe...
It would have served me well; First Officer on a bigger ship, with more people and more duties. It was an offer I couldn't turn down...but I did. If...if I had received that offer a few months ago, I would have taken it. But now... with my wife, and a family... change is the last thing I need. Or want.
Besides, the al-Haytham is my ship. Like me, she's made for science, not war like the Ballestero...
Why did she want me? A big ship such as that needs a Commander to take the position of First Officer, not a Lieutenant Commander... and she needs someone who is tactically minded...not me.
I don't know...
I don't know if I made the right call. I should have consulted with Eunha before I made the decision to turn the offer down. But Eunha's been...distant of late. I don't think she's happy with me...I don't know why. Her morning sickness is just getting worse, she's starting to look a lot paler and she's been more irritable than usual lately. I've tried to be supportive, but everything I do seems to just...make it worse.
What am I doing wrong? Why am I such a bad husband? I can't sort out my family life, how the hell does anyone expect me to command a ship? The Captain was wrong... I won't make a good Captain. Not in the shape I am right -
A red alert siren can be heard.
<C> "Dr Grey to Lieutenant Commander al Firawn,"
<C> "al Firawn here,"
<C> "Commander, we need you in the medbay immediately,"
<C> "I'm on my way Doctor, standby,"
Duty calls...
End log.
3 Likes
Personal Log - Stardate 94307.1
End log.
It feels really odd to be around DS13 and to be on the al Haytham alone. I keep rolling over in bed, expecting Eunha to be there but my arms always cuddle nothing but the empty air. Not so long ago, I enjoyed sleeping alone but now... Now all I want is to have her alongside me.
Last night... Last night was magical... Truly magical. It's been too long since Eunha and I have have truly loved each other and last night was a reminder of what love truly is. To be shared together, with the one whom you'd do everything for.
Everything else fell into place after that, like she was the string I needed to pull to unravel the knotted mess of my life. Eunha's morning sickness is abating as she nears the end of her first trimester. I stepped up and took command of the al Haytham with little difficulty; assigned a temporary XO, streamlined repairs, requisitioned new crew, finished the damage report and reviewed the science policy on board to make the ship safer and more productive. We all accept the danger of space and science when we sign up, but that doesn't give us the excuse to throw health and safety out of the airlock. Captain V'Lala is still unconscious but stable and recovering well. Everything fell into place and we'll soon be ready to resume normal patrols. Life is making sense again.
It was as if God was telling me, Look after your wife, the person you promised before me to serve, honour and love, and I will look after you. Subhanallah. God never goes back on his promise. God never lets me down. All the more reason to make the Hajj pilgrimage this year. Thankfully it's in August so I'll be back before she goes into the final stages of her pregnancy. I can't be away from her when she's about to give birth to our baby... Nothing, not even my job will keep me from being by her side when the time comes. After all she has given me, her time, her devotion, her love... Her womb... I will be with her when she needs me. That's what a husband does... Right?
Eunha... I love her. She's my strength when I have none, my heart when I have none, my soul when I have none. She's my beginning and my ending. And I promise her that I will continue to do whatever it takes to make her happy... To be the person she fell in love with, no matter how flawed or useless I am.
She's right after all, and I'm not just saying that as the tired cliché of a husband to his wife. I'm saying that through experience. She's hasn't been wrong yet.
She did make the decision to marry me after all... That couldn't have been an easy decision... But it was the right one... I promise her.
End log.
1 Like
//TEXT ENTRY - TIMESTAMPED: 94350.9//
Ya Hayati - 2
Comforting, your love shrouds me;
Gently takes me to my knees,
To make me thank the Lord up high,
For gifting you, for all my life.
My heart, your name it beats;
For as long as I live, for you I'll keep,
Your love around me, wreathed in heat,
Of passion and longing until next we meet.
My love, I rush into your arms;
Like rain upon the desert palms.
Hold me close and never set me free,
You are my life, and soul, ya Hayati.
~ S. al Firawn
1 Like
Personal Log - Stardate 94378.1
The Captain is back, unofficially, which means I'm slowly catching her up with the amusement of the last few days. I'm glad that I have less to work on now, especially since it's Ramadan. But I'm sad too... because the end of my command means I will have to say goodbye to Kuci; Captain V'Lala has told me that there is no space on the al Haytham for an officer of her skill set at the time being.
I wasn't sure how it would turn out, after meeting with Captain Se'Lai, I knew that I needed a First Officer. To bring one in on a temporary basis... I wasn't too sure. None of the other candidates in the book stood out. But she did, and I took a bit of a risk accepting her; she was the exact opposite to me. It turns out that it was exactly what the ship had needed. Within a few days of her being her, the crew just... I don't know... they just... worked. Perfectly. Like a well-oiled machine. Productivity has been through the roof and we've had zero accidents in the last two weeks, which I believe is a record!
Captain V'Lala keeps congratulating me, but I know who the real worker behind the scenes is. Kuci. She did what I could not, and I'm worried that without her, the ship will fall apart again; I've tried to explain this to the Captain, but she refuses to understand, or acknowledge. One of the two.
Like I promised, I will fill in her evaluation and then help her look for a new command. She's a valuable asset and I hope that one day we'll get to work again in the future; her... cavalier style is unorthodox, but it works and works well and hopefully, I'll be to continue to learn from her again soon. She has the makings of a fine officer...
The voice tails off.
Look at me... I sound like a Commanding Officer already. Let's not get ahead of myself. I have much to learn and Kuci bailed me out of a tough situation. I thought I was ready for command... it is evident I am nowhere near ready.
But that's that... oh hey Rana!
There is a bark and Sulayman can be heard cuddling the dog.
Missing Eunha? Yeah, so am I, but we both knew she was going to be busy! Oh... that's what I've forgotten... to tell Eunha that it is Ramadan and I'll be fasting for the next few weeks...
Wow... it's Ramadan already... time flies so quick... and not only that, we're already three days in. I spent the last Ramadan at home, in between trips to the court-martial for the experiment failure on the al Haytham. I was with family then. I didn't think I'd be with my own family again this year...
I should probably tell Eunha. It just slipped my mind to tell her; I'm so used to spending it alone, or with people who already know. It's different this time. I would ask her if she'd like to fast, but she's pregnant and pregnant ladies are exempted. Plus it's not her faith, she doesn't have to anyway.
There's a small whine from Rana. Sulayman chuckles.
Oh no, no! Don't worry Rana, you don't have to fast either! I'll come and feed you now and then we can relax! Sound like a plan?
A happy bark.
Good girl!
End log.
3 Likes