To: PROF Graasit, A
From: CAPT Mirazuni, A
Salaam, Daddy,
I’m reallllyyyyy sorry that I didn’t message you sooner. It’s been really busy for me and I’ve not had time.
I know you hate that excuse. Mum used it too. But I promise it’s the truth.
I don’t even know where to begin, daddy. Nothing can prepare you for this. I thought I was ready for it, but… now I’m here, I think I’ve forgotten everything.
I know you’d say pray, but… I don’t know how. Well, I know how, but… I just don’t find the sukoon in my heart as you say you find. I just find myself getting frustrated and angry. And before you say, no… the prophets haven’t been much help either. My pagh is still as confused as ever.
I envy you, you know. How you can always centre yourself despite everything. I wish my faith was as strong as yours.
Don’t worry though. You know I’ll always find my way.
Good news is that at least I’m closer to Betazed now! I’ll be able to visit more often. Or maybe you can come and stay? The ship is… well, pretty big. But… don’t even get me started, just thinking about it makes my head spin. And that’s before I even get into trying to acclimatise to the new surroundings.
Anyway, I’ll talk to you properly soon. I just wanted to get this letter off before you started to worry.
I love you.
To: CMDR SinB, H - Deep Space Sixteen
From: CAPT Mirazuni, A - U.S.S. Endeavour
Hey Sin,
I can’t even begin to tell you what it’s like here. Firstly, they said DS13 was huge, but those pictures do not do it justice. This place is… stupid big. We could probably fit the entirety of 16 in the dome here and still have room to spare.
You’d like it here, I bet Ops does loads. The traffic here makes the Ponor Sector look like the Talos System.
And yes, it’s been a pain in the brain. I almost was knocked out the first time I transported to the station. Blood from my nose, everywhere.
But the ship… man this ship is something else. Really something else. This ship has actual MACOs on them. You know, the ones we were begging for when we were fighting our little proxy war up there? They have them in abundance here. So we know Wolfenstone was chatting out of his ass when he said we couldn’t spare any.
I’m not sure how I feel, to be honest. DS16 was my home for… a long time. I was there when it opened, through thick and thin. I don’t feel like I’m allowed to call this ship my home, not after 16. Everything there was relaxed. Here it’s all… professional and gleaming. It’s so strange; I ask for a report to be handed in at 0800, it’s usually on my desk by 0600. I did that on DS16, I’d get it three weeks later.
I don’t know if I’m adapting well. We’re on our first exploration mission now. I’m actually really nervous. In Ponor, we knew where we were, who everyone was, what dangers we’d face. Here… here it’s just uncharted space. I don’t know who our enemies are. I don’t know what dangers we’re going to experience.
Anyway, I hope you’re fine there. Give my love to Alex, I’ll send her a message soon. And please make sure Moonbin doesn’t mess up my old department… Azure says hi too.
With love,
To: CMDR SinB, H - Deep Space Sixteen
From: CAPT Mirazuni, A - U.S.S. Endeavour
Hey Sin,
Got stuck on my first full on crisis the other day. A good old “explosion at a diplomatic event”. Remember one of those? We did good, the medical staff saved a lot of lives. Still though, we lost a lot of innocent lives. The entire mission was not mine, so I don’t know what the next steps are.
Makes you think though. Here, there. It’s all the same.
Missing you,
To: CMDR SinB, H - Deep Space Sixteen
From: CAPT Mirazuni, A - U.S.S. Endeavour
Only took me two months to lose an officer.
Call me when you’re free. Need to vent.
Love,
To: CMDR SinB, H - Deep Space Sixteen
From: CAPT Mirazuni, A - U.S.S. Endeavour
Hey Sin,
How are you?
Remember how I always said that a station was a better posting than a ship? Remember how much I hated ship assignments on 16? Remember how I took that three month assignment on that plague-infested Romulan colony rather than the three day mission on the Vittoria Veneto?
Everything is upside down here. The closer I get to the station, the more uneasy I feel. The Endeavour’s been docked here for a few weeks whilst we had a crew rotation and I have hated every minute away from the ship.
I don’t know why. This place is ten times the place 16 was. Everyone else treats this place like a second home. Hell, some even treat it as their first home. But I hate it. The irony is that the entire place feels so claustrophobic, despite the place being so large.
I’ve been trying to get off, explore the place, settle in. But I just feel queasy and sick. The headaches don’t seem to be getting better. I don’t know what it is and you know how much that annoys me.
Part of the reason has to be that I feel like an outsider in this place. Everyone is a stranger, everyone is so distant. Honestly Sin, this place… sucks. It just feels like everyone’s constantly on edge, waiting for… something? Like there’s always this unseen presence around to punish failure. DS16 felt relaxed, calm, and… homely. This place feels cold and unwelcoming.
I thought it could have been my rank. Being a captain, I know people walk on eggshells around me. It’s not like I’m a stranger to that; we used to scare the lower ranks all the time back on 16. But it hits harder now there’s nobody to joke around with. Hell, the other day I ran rings around a poor Ensign, confusing her with stupid non-sensical medical logic. You would have loved that. But it just felt shallow and empty because there was nobody who could appreciate it.
I think that’s the problem, Sin. I’m just an outsider. Even on the ship, where I feel comfortable, I’m always reminded that I’m the newcomer. We got a new Second Officer, a transfer from the base, and even she feels more a part of the ship than I.
I also hate this stupid bar too. It’s terrible. It’s open. It has no seating at the bar itself. Who stands and drinks coffee? Who stands and eats? Ridiculous. Next time this ship is back at the station, I’m finding another place to go.
Do me a favour; get some leave and get your ass over here. I need a friend that’s not a fox.
Chat soon.
Love,
“Commander Mirazuni?”
Ayesha was leaning on a balcony, high up above the water below. Her head had begun to hurt as she walked through the busy promenade and she had paused to inject herself with her hypospray, giving it some time to run through her system. She was distracted by a familiar voice from behind. She was no longer a Commander, but instinct made her turn.
“I cannot believe it,” came the voice again and Ayesha saw who it was; a tall Romulan man, black stubble around his round jaws, his black hair drawn back by a dark headband. His eyes were chestnut brown, below pointed eyebrows. His forehead ridges, though faint, could be clearly seen on his pale green face. He was clothed in simple clothes, designed for Risian weather, a bag slung over his chest. “So far away from home. You always seemed on edge when you were not on the station. And yet, here you are,”
“Serinn,” Ayesha blinked.
Serinn grinned and approached, leaning on the balcony upon his arrival. “Your memory is as sharp as ever,”
Ayesha looked at the Romulan for a moment before frowning. “Of course it would be,”
Serinn chuckled. “Ever humble,” he said, shaking his head. “So, what are you doing on Risa? Are you on a mission? Still trying to hunt down those Empire offshoots?”
“Is Republic Intelligence lacking?” Ayesha replied, raising her eyebrows.
“Why don’t you tell me?”
Ayesha shook her head and turned, leaning back on the balcony and looking over the water again. “No,”
Serinn grinned, copying her pose. “Always making life difficult for me, aren’t you,”
“I do not make life difficult for you. You make life difficult for yourself,”
“The business on Boliot IV was not my fault,”
“So you keep saying. The Klingons did not think so,”
“The Klingons had no right to be there anyway,”
Ayesha scoffed. “The Klingons were the ones who got us out of there,”
“True. But that’s only because the Federation couldn’t,”
Ayesha looked at Serinn. “Do not try to trade insults, Serinn. We know what happens when you try,”
Serinn grinned again. “Ah, I very much missed this,”
“I very much did not,” Ayesha stated, though her voice was not entirely truthful.
If Serinn noticed, he did not show it. “You still have not told me what you are doing on Risa. So far away from Deep Space 16. Has it fallen to another enemy?”
“As I said, the very fact you must ask shows how good your intelligence is,”
Serinn bowed his head. “This reminds me of Firdan-C,”
Ayesha’s eyes snapped towards him, narrowing. “No, it doesn’t,”
“It started like this,”
“All our conversations start like this, you fool,” Ayesha hissed. “You try to flex the fact the Romulans are superior and I…”
“Fall for it every time,” Serinn finished.
“You’re… a bastard,” Ayesha said, her tongue struggling to find the words to insult the Romulan.
Serinn laughed loudly. “Please, stop. My green-blooded heart cannot take any more of your insults,” he said, clutching his heart dramatically.
Ayesha glared at him, but the edges of her lips curled upwards, unbidden. “This is nothing like Firdan-C,” she said, and turned back away from him. She wanted to hide her blushing cheeks.
“That’s true, Firdan-C did not have these rather lovely statues around,” Serinn said, reaching into his bag and pulling out a horga’hn.
Ayesha gasped and turned, her hand flying towards Serinn’s face. The force of the slap took him by surprise. He dropped the horga’hn on the floor and fell over the balcony, landing with a large splash into the water below.
“Serinn!” Ayesha yelled, shocked, looking at the area where Serinn had landed. He submerged with a gasp of air and began to tread water.
“This is Firdan-C all over again,” he said, shaking the hair out of his face and laughing.
Ayesha replied by throwing his dropped horga’hn at him.
The door shut behind Veneela as she departed Ayesha’s room and when it did, Ayesha’s smile faltered and then fell. Her hand that was resting on her fox’s blue fur was shaking. Ayesha looked at it, willing for it to stop, but it did not. Those hands, rock steady after countless delicate operations, did not want to stop moving. They wanted to be in motion as if trying to shake off the burden they had to carry.
Ayesha’s tremors did not stop at her hand. They moved up her arm, over her shoulders and down her body. Every cell felt the same; to shake away the guilt, and nothing Ayesha could do would force them to stop.
She stood quickly and Azure yelped loudly, his nap disturbed by her movement. He scowled at her and then jumped into his basket, curling back up to a ball. He wanted to sleep and the lady’s tribulations would not take him away from that.
Ayesha moved to the replicator. “Raktajino,” she said, her voice a weird staccato. The computer complied, and Ayesha picked up her drink, sipping it. As soon as it touched her lips, her appetite turned, and she suddenly hated it. It tasted bland and cold, in spite of the steam rising from the mug. She placed the drink back on the replicator and hit the button to tell the machine to reclaim it. The drink disappeared, and suddenly, Ayesha felt parched and thirsty.
She stepped back away from the replicator, screaming internally. This was killing her.
Taking a deep breath, she stood at her desk and looked out of the window, to the void beyond. “Okay, Ayesha,” she told herself. “Calm down. Calm down. Let’s walk through this, step by step,”. Her voice sounded so different, it may well have been someone else talking.
“I did it to save lives. I did save lives. I averted a conflict,”
“But you played God,”
Ayesha jumped, as her inner self took this time to fully berate her.
“I did not,” she heard herself say. Okay, so she was doing this.
“That civilisation has been altered because of you. They won’t experience development because of you,”
“Normal development was them coming into space armed with weapons and ready to kill anyone they saw,”
“You don’t know that,”
“It was a call I had to make,”
“Says who?”
Ayesha flexed her fingers. “My job is to save lives. I will always choose to save a life than take them,”
“You do not get to decide Ayesha. You do not give or take lives. God does that,”
“WELL I DON’T GIVE A CRAP ABOUT GOD OR THE PROPHETS OR WHATEVER DAMN ENTITY CONTROLS THE UNIVERSE!” she yelled at the top of her lungs.
Azure yipped loudly and angrily.
Then silence descended in the room. Ayesha could feel her heart beat, could feel the blood circulate in her veins. She took several deep breaths and then raised her hand. It was rock steady, not a tremor in sight.
Ayesha closed her eyes briefly before walking to the door, grabbing a jacket from the hanger. “I’m going out,” she said to Azure, before leaving her quarters and going for a walk.
Azure simply turned around in his bed and went back to sleep.
To: CMDR SinB, H - Deep Space Sixteen
From: CAPT Mirazuni, A - U.S.S. Endeavour
NONE OF THE OTHER ADMIRALTY TAKE LONG BREAKS LIKE THAT. NOT. ONE.
more proof that he’s a moron.
not like we needed it though.
lots of love
Putting the PADD down, Ayesha put her hands over her face. The calmness and stoicism of the past few days broke like a dam, and Ayesha just wept, uncontrollably.
To: PROF Graasit, A
From: CAPT Mirazuni, A
Salaam, Daddy,
Eid Mubarak. If you’re celebrating today. I don’t know if the moon’s been sighted on Betazed. Actually, I don’t know if that’s even what we follow. Is it local? Is it based on Earth? I’m just following the time on the ship, and since there’s no moon to sight, I’ve done 30. So I’m celebrating tomorrow.
Being close to you this year is strange. Last year I was caught up in the change but this year I’ve had time to think. Normally I’m well away but these days, it’s just a short stop to you. And yes, I know I haven’t visited yet. I’m sorry, I will.
I know that this is a time for family. You didn’t like it when mummy wasn’t around. And then when I left, you hated it. I know. When you’re that age, you don’t think about things like family. I just wanted to follow what mummy did. I feel like maybe I should have stayed a bit longer. But youth has its flaws.
Anyway. I’ve sent some chocolates for you. The Bajoran ones that you like. I’ll see you soon. Come to Risa? The fleet takes a holiday there, and I think you’d enjoy it. It would totally be in the time of your semester break, so you can’t say that you will be busy.
Eid Mubarak, and I love you.
To: PROF Graasit, A
From: CAPT Mirazuni, A
Aww, Daddy,
Two messages in a week. I know. C R A Z Y. What can I say? You can’t complain anymore. I’m going to try to come visit. Circumstances require me to change my patrol route towards Betazed, and I’m thinking it would be good to allow the crew a little leave on the planet. Nothing’s confirmed yet, but unless the admiralty find reason to deny my request, we should be at Betazed in about a month. I’ll be there for a few days, so please book that time off. I want to go visit the Janaran Falls. I want to eat your Vinanan bread. And make sure you have room for Azure too.
I’ll see you soon, ia.
I love you.
The following story centres around bullying and revenge, as well as mental health and self harm. If you or someone you know is a victim of bullying, please access help through your local provider, or check out https://www.cybersmile.org/advice-help/category/who-to-call. Please do not suffer in silence.
“Consciousness is only possible through change;
Change is only possible through movement.”
― Aldous Huxley, The Art of Seeing
“Have you got your PADD today?”
“Aywa, baba!”
“Are you sure?”
“Ay, baba!”
“Show me!”
“Baba!”
Ayesha’s father blocked the door, his arms folded expectantly.
“Baba, I’m going to be late!”
“I rather you be late than me getting another message from the school that you have left your PADD again,” Ayesha’s dad said.
The fourteen-year-old Ayesha locked her dark grey eyes with her father’s pure black ones, before tipping her bag upside down. Out came her few items; her school jumper, lip balm, handwritten journal, and a battered PADD. “There. Are you happy now?”
“Why is your PADD so damaged, Ayesha?” her father said, wearily. “You need to take care of your things,”
“Well if you make me tip my bag out every single time I walk out of the door, it will look like that,” Ayesha replied, moodily.
“Then don’t forget it,” Ayesha’s dad replied and stepped out of the way as Ayesha bent down to pick up her things. “Have a good day at school, habibti,” her father added, kissing Ayesha’s head as she left the house in a slight huff.
The day outside was getting warmer quickly, as was standard on the colony. Fortunately for Ayesha, it was not a long walk to the shuttle stop, and she arrived just in time for the shuttle to arrive. Ayesha took a deep breath and stepped into the shuttle, wanting to find her seat before…
“Oh look, Loserzuni decided to get on today. Get tired of walking?” came a taunt from the back.
Ayesha slid miserably onto the seat at the front, jamming her earbuds in and turning the music up louder to block out the noise. When the shuttle arrived at the school, Ayesha was the first one off and inside the school gates before anyone had time to level another taunt at her. She was so quick she forgot to take her earbuds out of her ears, something that the school headmaster did not miss.
“Miss Mirazuni,” the tall Vulcan loomed over her. “Earbuds are not part of the school uniform policy. You will receive these back after school after you produce a letter of apology,” the Vulcan stated. Ayesha surrendered her earbuds and sulkily continued to her place in the line, behind a young, curly-haired Trill.
“What did BC want this time?” the Trill asked, curiously.
“Confiscated my earbuds,” Ayesha replied, shortly.
“Again?” the Trill asked, incredulously. “Why?”
“Forgot to take them off,”
“Ayesha…”
“Quiet for the register!” their form teacher called from the front. Once the register had been done, the bell boomed from inside the school building and the students all began to swarm to their first class.
“What are you going to do?” the Trill asked Ayesha once she had caught up with her, huffing slightly, as Ayesha had just marched off to the class without a second thought.
“Leave it. I’ll get new ones,” came the response.
“Ayesha, those are like, your seventeenth pair. Stevie’s going to cut you off and tell your dad if you’re not careful,”
“Like I care,” Ayesha responded, lining up outside the science lab, but her face betrayed her true feelings about her dad knowing her earbuds were confiscated again.
There was a commotion down the corridor.
“Oh here we go again,” the Trill muttered.
Four girls strode down the corridor, pushing people out of the way as they did so. They were the archetypal school bullies, flouting uniform rules and acting like they owned the place. The other students in the hallway did not try to test that assumption and acquiesced to the girls’ demands. Though the four of them had the same swagger, as is often the case in groups such as these, there was one whose swagger was just a bit more pronounced and whose uniform was just a bit more revealing. In this group, it belonged to a sky-blue Bolian. She had a deceptively beautiful face accentuated by barely visible dark makeup that just about conformed to the school rules. Her jaw moved rhythmically as she chewed on a piece of gum, pausing to roll it between her the cartilaginous lining on her tongue and her top lip. She was the one who had taunted Ayesha on the bus. The other three in the group were a Denobulan, a Deltan, and a Tellerite.
“Loserzuni and Freckleface, front of the line as always,” the Bolian sneered as they arrived. “You should save yourself the commute and just stay at the school. You can live in the locker,” she jeered to the sniggers of the other three. “I don’t know why you hang out with her,” she said, addressing the Trill with her last comment.
“Leave them alone,” rasped the Denobulan. “Ugly people tend to flock together. It’s for the better, so we can avoid them easier,”
“Is that why your lipstick is smeared all over your face? The mirrors broke when you looked at them this morning?” Ayesha retorted, the patience that she had tried to exercise since this morning finally breaking.
The Denobulan began to swell in anger but whatever was going to happen next was interrupted by the teacher throwing open the door to the lab.
“Come in girls. Partner up and get the equipment for the experiment. We’ll be using an old-fashioned method to separate acids and bases today, so I’m expecting some interesting results,” the teacher said, clearly excited about the prospect of using old-fashioned methods.
The four bullies looked at Ayesha and Trill before entering the classroom, pushing them out of the way and getting a seat right at the back of the class. Ayesha and the Trill took the desk the furthest away from them. As Ayesha was setting up the experiment, she noticed the Trill suppressing some tears and thinking about how she wished she didn’t have the freckled spots that dotted over her face, indistinguishable from the spots that ran down the side of her head and body.
Captain Mirazuni crossed the bridge over the water as she walked away from the island with the bar and back towards the Endeavour’s reservation. As she descended the steps on the other side to cross the hall, she froze. Speaking to a receptionist on at the front desk was a sky blue Bolian, wearing a black jacket with a red stripe and white shoulders. The voice from the past was unmistakable and unwelcome. Ayesha felt her breathing begin to quicken, and without a second thought, she lept the final few stairs and tore through the hall and onto the beach, heading down the path into the jungle area that took her back to the Endeavour’s resort, without looking back.
Content Warning. Please see this post for the advisory information.
“You need to be more careful, Ayesha,” said the Cardassian doctor as he waved a dermal regenerator over Ayesha’s damaged hand. “Acid is dangerous, and you really should have been wearing gloves when handling them. I will have to complain to Professor Irmoness, he is…”
“No!” Ayesha said quickly. “No, you don’t need to complain, it was my own fault,”
The doctor scrutinised Ayesha carefully. “You will need to rest this hand for a few hours. I am going to put a bandage on it, you may take it off when you get home tonight. Do not do anything to worsen the wound,” he advised.
“Thank you doctor, I won’t,” Ayesha said as the doctor wrapped a bandage around her hand, wincing slightly, not just at the pain, but at the physical contact. When he had finished, Ayesha quickly withdrew her hand away. “Are you going to report this?”
“I will have to tell your father,”
“Do you have to? It’s fine, it was nothing,” Ayesha pleaded.
“Yes, I do. I will explain that it was an accident,”
Ayesha huffed but didn’t offer a retort. “Thank you, doctor,” she muttered and left the office without a backwards glance. The Trill was waiting for her outside.
“You okay?” she asked.
“Yes,” Ayesha said, but it was a lie… even though the burns had healed, the emotional ache was still raging inside her as her thoughts replayed the moment the Bolian spat at her at the end of the chemistry class. Ayesha had fought back tears then, but now the pain and hurt she felt had morphed into anger.
“What did you say?” the Trill asked.
“I said it was an accident,” Ayesha says.
“I see,” the Trill replied, quietly. “Listen, we can’t just keep ignoring it. We need to…”
“Do what?” Ayesha rounded on the Trill. “Report them? Why don’t you try doing that, instead of complaining about your stupid freckles,” she said and stormed off down the corridor, leaving the Trill hurt and shocked in the corridor.
Ayesha paced across the stone floor of her room on Risa. She was restless. The nervous energy that she got from earlier had not yet abated, and her mind was racing. She had everything to try to calm herself down but nothing worked. She tried to focus her thinking, but she found herself chasing phantom memories that disappeared like smoke when she tried to catch them. She tried to steady her breathing, but every breath felt painful yet necessary. Blotched canvasses littered the room, as she had attempted to put her mind at ease by drawing, but her body was shaking too much and she had quickly given into frustration.
Desperation turned to panic and Ayesha felt the familiar pangs of anxiety rise from her core and over her extremities. She turned to her hypo, sloppily injecting herself, before half running out of the room that she was so sure was closing in around her.
It was hours before Ayesha returned from her walk. By this time, her feet had swollen massively, her muscles had long since given up screaming in tiredness, and her throat was dry to the point of hoarseness. Ayesha cared little. Her energy had finally run out. She flopped onto the bed and was glad that her brain was too tired to replay any more memories that night.
Content Warning. Please see this post for the advisory information.
“Did you hear, Ayesha?”
Ayesha looked up from her PADD, a new set of earpods in her ears. The Trill was hovering by her, sitting on a bench on the school grounds. “Ma?”
“Did you hear?” the Trill responded.
Ayesha pretended she didn’t know what the Trill wanted, and shook her head, pulling her earbuds out. “Ma?” she repeated. “What is it?”
“They’re holding tryouts for the volleyball team,” the Trill said, excitedly.
“And you think you’re going to get in?”
The Trill huffed. “I don’t know why I’m telling you. I still haven’t forgiven you for being rude to me the other day,” she crossed her arms.
“You have,” Ayesha said, bored and looking back at her PADD.
The Trill was taken aback slightly before she sighed. “Yeah, of course, no hiding anything from you,” she said, taking a seat next to her. “But you know, you’re the best volleyball player I’ve seen. Your shots are unstoppable,”
“Don’t be offended if I don’t take that as a compliment,” Ayesha said, lazily. “You don’t watch volleyball,”
The Trill looked at Ayesha. Ayesha looked up. Suddenly the pair were smirking. “You’re right,” the Trill began to laugh.
“Shot. What in the stars is a volleyball shot? It’s a spike, ya hamar!” Ayesha chuckled.
“Are you going to go for it?” the Trill asked Ayesha. “For the team?”
Ayesha bit her lip and considered. “La,” she replied, after a moment of thought. “I won’t,”
“But Ayesha…”
“I can’t, Nori,” Ayesha said. “It’ll take too much of my time, and I have to study,”
“Study schmudy,” Nori cut in. “You’re already top of the school, never mind the class. Come on, you’ll be great this coming season for our team,”
“No, I don’t want to do it. And you’re so confident that I’m going to get into the team. You know the coach. She’s just going to pick Velizira. Her dad is “on the council”,” she said, stressing the last part in a mocking tone and shaking her head.
“Come on, you’re streets ahead of her,”
Ayesha crossed her arms and looked at Nori, impassively. “If that mattered here, there would be sunshine and rainbows,”
Nori sighed. “So you’re not going to go for it then?”
Ayesha looked out at the school grounds. Part of her wanted to go for the team. What if she got in? There was no harm in trying…
Just then, the bell rang over the grounds and the rumble of students going to their classes snapped Ayesha out of her dream.
“La,” she said finally and stood. She grabbed her bag and PADD and then left for her classes.
“WE HAVE A WINNER, FOLKS! THE COSMICO RYU-TACHI HAVE SECURED THEIR VICTORY!!! 16-17!!! The Endeavour Team has fought a long hard battle, and just managed to out beat the Saber-Bears!”
The stadium erupted with cheers as the Endeavour’s baseball team ran out to the baseball pitch in celebration. Ayesha gave a small smile. She stood and left the stadium as the roars of a dragon lit up the screens.
The day went as I had expected it to be: dismal. Colonies on tropical paradises would just be too easy, wouldn’t it? Let us set up a colony on a humid dump, where there are insects and feral beasts galore, because we’re Starfleet and we don’t like to do things simply, we like to do things the hard way. Oh and send two officers to do the job of some enlisted crew, because there’s a magic pot of officers that can be replaced if two are killed doing menial degrading labour. If it wasn’t for the ban on synth research, they could have been doing this, and god forbid we have a moral quandary of a synthetically created lifeform from doing these tasks when we can just force organic lifeforms to do it instead!
Now, I have to try to lift perimeter poles manually, ripping nails off and pulling a back muscle whilst doing it. Why don’t you do it, Mister More Robot than Man? Want to watch me suffer? And then you have the gall to suggest that I turn on the perimeter fence. Are you stupid? Why would I find any joy in doing more work than I have to do, especially something as menial as pushing a button? Just do the thing so we can go home.
This was just the morning. The rest of the day was even worse. I had to walk miles. To collect air. This is a punishment. This is what you get misbehaving crew to do. Not medical doctors. I got stuck in mud, twice. Twice. And that is not all. There was no repellant in the entire galaxy that could not ward those damn insects away. I had to put my hood up and mask on to cover my face so I didn’t get bitten. In a humid environment. I lost two kilograms just through sweating alone. Two kilograms of sweat. Fasting doesn’t even take that much weight off. Two. Kilo. Grams.
It did not get better. Because why wouldn’t you have rocks that you can see if they are wet and slippery or not? No, that would make life so much easier for people. Instead, you can find out when you fall down a waterfall and break your leg. Such a foolproof design. Thank you God, for creating a planet so deceptive and challenging.
And my raktajino at the end of the day was warm. Not hot. Warm.
We still have four more days of this hell.
يا رب ارحم
I made Alistair do all the heavy lifting today. There was no way I was even looking at those heavy drills. Given he was so insistent on working out in plain view, I was insistent he put his muscles to good use. What’s the point in exercising if it is not for practical purposes?
I used the early morning quiet to finish the analysis and upload the results on the air and water samples I managed to collect last night. I also took the time before the sun had fully risen to go outside and collect plant samples from the nearby area. It was helpful that Alistair did the cataloguing of the creatures yesterday because it was easy to identify which call belonged to which animal. At this time of day, the air was slightly more bearable and cooler. I collected samples of plants from the fields and the outskirts of the forest. Whilst Alistair was putting the probes into the ground for the underground mapping survey, I was able to run tests on these, creating a profile for the future colonists about the flora in the area. Something of note is that the planet seemed to be high in acidity, and this was reflected in the plants themselves. Some minor terraforming would be needed if the colonists wanted to use the land for agriculture.
By 11 am local time, the underground survey was complete and I had pinpointed three locations I needed to get soil samples from underground. This was also coupled with our task to identify local minerals and areas of groundwater for the colonists to exploit upon their arrival. The cave system nearby allowed us easy access to the underground, and this is where the pair of us travelled. Created by millions of years of water erosion (and I would hazard a guess that the sea water was slightly acidic, causing slightly acidic rain, as the river water ranged from an average of pH 6.832 upstream to a pH of 6.794 downstream along a 13km stretch, and taking into account statistical anomalies and other environmental factors), the cave was rather deep and wide, although we were able to move around the cave system easily. Something that was of note was that these caverns were abnormally large and largely dry; odd, since we did reach the groundwater level and observed large underground rivers and lakes. The answer to this was revealed when we were heading to the final sample gathering point; the caves were home to monolithic lithoid crustaceans. Miss Reyes would have been fascinated.
As these creatures were not traditionally sentient, I was not able to detect them telepathically, though it was soon clear that they reacted to electrical impulses in the locality, of which the electric impulses in my brain were the loudest to the creature. So naturally, I was the target of the creature’s attempts to kill me. Only recently recovered from the damage to my leg, ribs and back, I was forced to dodge and roll around the cave as the creature went on its rampage. Alistair tried to disable it but the creature did not feel pain, or at least, nothing was observed to indicate that it could feel pain. It was when the creature switched from attacking me to attacking him when he tried to crush the creature’s legs by pushing his arms into overdrive did I realise that the creature was following electrical signals, and I devised a method to distract it whilst Alistair was able to escape. For a moment, I thought his asinine hero complex would prevent him from going, thus leading to both our deaths, and I had to really stain my mental abilities to stop the creature from crushing him, but he quickly saw reason and disengaged. We were both fortunately able to get out unharmed.
What happened next is a haze, as I next remember waking up on the yacht with the EMH taking care of me, so I can assume that I had passed out and was transported to medical with an overwhelming headache. In any case, today was only marginally better than yesterday, and that was because the cave was cooler than the humidity of the river.
This is why I don’t do fieldwork. Tomorrow, I am just running tests on the yacht. Nothing is going to make me step foot onto this godforsaken planet again. Nothing.
A rainstorm hit us today, so that limited the amount of work we could do. Good, because I was still sore from yesterday, and as I was also fasting, a slower pace seemed good. The rain did confirm my hypothesis that the water was slightly acidic. More data for the colonists to use when they begin their settlement.
It meant there was little for us to do practically. I made sure all the sensors were running and collecting data, then used the rest of the time to rest and finish some of the scientific reports from the past two days. Perfect. Exactly how research should be. Behind a desk, bone dry and mud free.
The lack of work forced us to converse. Alistair’s backstory is atypical, but the underlying story is the same, as it is for most Romulans; the struggle to rebuild lives post-Hobus. The previous establishment trampled into the dirt as hubris and conceit gave way to a desperate struggle for survival. For a people who had once thought themselves above all to now find themselves powerless against the vastness of the universe, and against all those who would wreak their vengeance upon their former oppressors, there is no doubt that these people thought their future was bleak. A calamity that is written in many religious texts, and here it was, real for all to see. I remember reading that people said that the Dominion War was the true test of the Federation and Federation values. I disagree. War against an external enemy who seeks to destroy you is easy. To extend the hand of goodwill against the downtrodden and give altruistic help is difficult. The true test of the Federation was Hobus and our failings then will always be an unwashable stain on us. There will be a time, as much as people do not like to think, when the Federation will fail. Let us hope that when that time comes, our failure to help those in need does not come to haunt us then.
And yet, in spite of this adversity and abandonment, there were those who fought against all odds, not just on our side, but on the Romulan side. Alistair, like most Romulans of that age, adapted and changed. In that, we find true strength. Change is something biologically dangerous. To move from the established to the unestablished is a violent process and it is through these changes that we see the strong and the successful survive. The willingness and ability to change and adapt… that is true strength and courage. For all Alistair’s flaws, this is not one of them. Whether that is changing from the Empire to the Federation, or changing to try to be a better father.
There are many changes coming in the next few months for us. I don’t know if I am strong enough to carry these out. My reputation and I suppose my authority rests on their success. I just hope that if it comes down to it, I’ll be able to do the right thing; whatever is best not just for me, but for everyone. I still have a lot to do to prove myself.
Content Warning. Please see this post for the advisory information.
Ayesha hit the locker with force, driving the wind out of her.
“You bitch!” the Bolian spat angrily, as the Tellerite grabbed her roughly to prevent her from running. “Steal my spot on the team will you? I’ll teach you,”
Ayesha gasped for breath and looked up. The Bolian’s face was seething with unadulterated hatred and anger. It was perhaps the look, in combination with the strong emotion radiating that caused Ayesha to speak. If she was this angry, then she had better back up her thoughts with action.
“If that’s how hard you hit things, it’s no wonder you weren’t picked,”
The fist flew towards her, but Ayesha had sensed it coming quick, moving her head out of the way. The fist slammed into the metal locker behind and Ayesha struggled, pushing her weight onto the Tellerite and using her legs to aim a kick at the Bolian. The scuffle was over quickly as the Tellerite turned and Ayesha slammed into the locker again, her face hot against the cold metal.
“You bitch,” came the shrill voice of the Bolian. “I am going to kill you,”
“Kill me, you can’t even hit me when I’m being held,” Ayesha spat back, before she found herself being spun around and held back. She could feel the hot trickle of blood streaming down her face from when her head had hit the locker.
“No, I don’t need to,” the Bolian responded, her fist in her hand, her own blood dripping on the floor. Suddenly Ayesha felt a sharp stab of pain, as if someone had kicked her on the head. She couldn’t hear anything for a second, before the sound came back, her ears ringing. She gasped and tried to see who had hit her, but nobody seemed to have moved. Through the splitting headache that was beginning to form, Ayesha suddenly realised what was happening. It was the Deltan, standing at the back, taking a deep breath. And then her eyes opened.
Ayesha had not experienced such pain ever. Her head was split open as if hit by an axe. Ayesha’s vision blacked out, and she only barely registered her own blood-curdling screams before her ears replaced everything with a high-pitched whine. Ayesha struggled fruitlessly against the Tellerite, but now, she couldn’t even feel her own body. All she could feel was the raging pain in her head. The last thing she noticed before her body shut down was the blood pouring from her nose and ears.
And then there was nothing.
Ayesha hung the canvas on the wall of her room, stepping back and cocking her head. “Hmm, I don’t know Azure,” she says. “It clashes with the room,”
The fox yipped.
“What do you mean it’s a rubbish painting? Like to see you do better,” Ayesha huffed.
The fox yipped again.
Ayesha shook her head and looked at the image. “It could be worse,” she said, after a moment of thought.
Content Warning. Please see this post for the advisory information.
The sanitised white roof blinded Ayesha every time she tried to open her eyes. It was easier for her to close them and rest, especially due to the splitting pain emitting from her head. But this time, she felt compelled to try to open her eyes a bit wider. And then everything came into focus. She was lying in a hospital bed. Low beeps and pulses emitted every so often from the machines around her. She became aware of a halo around the top of her head.
Turning her head slightly, she could see a typical hospital room. Light translucent curtains were drawn across the windows, dimming the golden light of the setting sun that spilt into her room. There were two chairs, pointing inwards at an angle. One had a folded-up prayer mat. Ayesha tilted her head a bit more and her eyes picked up a bunch of flowers beside her bed, along with a PADD of scrolling get-well-soon messages. Ayesha tried to move her arms, but her brain didn’t seem to want to listen. Instead, the halo around her head began to spin, and the low beeps began to increase in frequency. This was followed by the door flying open and a nurse rushing in.
“She’s…” the nurse paused as she locked eyes with Ayesha. The nurse tilted her head slightly. Ayesha mimicked the movement. “She’s… awake,” the nurse finished, in a quiet tone, as another nurse joined her. “Please inform Doctor Oka that she’s awake,” the nurse said to the other, who nodded and left. The nurse then entered the room slowly, as if she was approaching a hungry animal. “Hello Ayesha,” she said kindly and slowly. “Do you know where you are? Blink once for yes, twice for no,”
Ayesha frowned. What a stupid question that was. She knew that she was in a hospital. Judging from the light, she could possibly guess which hospital she was in, but the specifics. She didn’t know. In any case, a stupid question required a stupid answer. She blinked once.
“Good. Do you know how you got here?”
Again, Ayesha thought that this was a stupid question. How else does one get to a hospital? Clearly through doors at the front. Ayesha blinked once.
“Good. Ayesha, you suffered a severe injury. I will let the doctor explain more, but you need to take it easy, understood?”
The trifecta of stupid questions. It was not as if she was going to go and play a vicious contact sport at this moment. She couldn’t even move her arm. She turned away from the nurse to look at the ceiling.
“Ayesha?” The nurse stepped close.
Of course, Ayesha thought. She wanted a response. She blinked once, to affirm it. The nurse seemed to relax.
“Good,” she said, as the doctor arrived. “She seems to be stable enough. She understands and is responding to simple questions,” the nurse informed the doctor.
Stupid questions, Ayesha thought. Then she smirked.
“She also finds something amusing,” the doctor replied as she approached Ayesha. “Readings seem normal. We need to monitor to see if brain activity doesn’t drop again like last time,” she says, tapping the screen. “Increasing sensitivity,” she vocalises, before looking at Ayesha.
“Hello Ayesha, I hope you are well. I am Doctor Nerra Oka. You are at Nux Neurological Hospital. You suffered a severe subarachnoid haemorrhage, caused by multiple intracranial aneurysms. Your body went into shock and you began to suffer secondary cerebral ischaemia. We had to put you in a coma to protect your brain and performed surgery,” she explained.
Ayesha’s thoughts mulled over the doctor’s words. She seemed to know what they meant, but everything seemed so jumbled and mixed up. The doctor smiled, however.
“It’s good to see that you have some understanding of this,” she said. “Your brain suffered a lot of damage. It’s going to be some time before you can get away from here,” she says. “The halo here is monitoring your brain activity. If it begins to spike, we’ll be here to help. It also will help the neurosuppressants we’re giving you, to prevent your telepathy. Please try to keep your mind closed. At this stage, any stimulation to your brain could kill you. Do you understand?”
Ayesha nodded. “I do,” she managed to vocalise.
“Good. Rest now. I will inform your father,”
Ayesha nodded as the doctor left. She sighed. She was going to be extremely bored, it would seem.
“She will also need Agenezole Levatrol to manage cortisol levels in her brain and encourage neural growth. Given the Shinari biology, I wouldn’t risk using Diprocion,” she advised the Peacecraft’s CMO. “That’s just what I can see. You’re obviously the doctor in charge,”
“No, I will take your advice. Thank you for the help,” the CMO smiled. “You are considered an expert in these matters,”
Ayesha shook her head. “This is counselling’s department. I just know the mechanics,”
“That’s sometimes all you need,”
Ayesha nodded and let the Peacecraft’s medical team go about their duties. She pulled out a hypo from her pocket, checked her brain activity on her PADD, and injected herself. “Yeah, sometimes all you need,” she mumbled, as she saw the other Captains enter the medical bay.